im not a part of this family

there was so many things i wanted to tell you guys about. how great nick is, my crazy adventures with the girls, how much fun i'd been having... but everything is shit now.

everything.

my dad blew up at me in front of my friends the other day for no reason. so i left, without crying, and didn't plan on coming back until i had to shower. i needed to shower today.. its been two days. so i called my mother and she told me "this is nonsense, if you don't come home and face him i'm not paying for your education anymore". so i packed my shit and started walking to my house since i had no car.

sarah had her dog and megan walk me to my house. it was the three of us & millhouse just talking like "do you think hes calmed down by now?". we get around the corner to my house and i see him outside with a loose doggy daycare dog. the dog is running towards us and i push him away from millhouse so neither gets bit. my dad runs up to me with his fist in the air and i try to run away from him, but he grabs me by the shirt, pulls me towards him, then throws me backwards onto the street. i just missed a little girl on a bike and the back of my head hit the cement. he grabbed the dog, got in the car, and started screaming WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!? and i yelled FUCK YOU IM CLALING THE FUCKING COPS YOU PSYCHO!

i called my mother eventhough i was 20 feet away from our front door. she told me if i called hte cops that i could forget about college and forget about having a place to stay.

i started crying amd i couldn't breathe. i had a panic attack and sarah tried to calm me down.

i got in the house. i tried to explain what happened but my mother just wouldn't listen. i hate crying in front of people, so i locked myself in the bathroom and dry heaved into the toilet for 20 minutes. then i heard my mother calling my father to come back and FIX IT.

i was scared he was going to snap again and i held the door closed with my back to make sure if he DID unlock it i could still defend myself.

my mother and him talked abouth the negative things about me. they didn't even mention his outrageous outburt for no reason. so i started shaking i was so angry and started screaming through the door about how this always happens. its a never ending cycle with him. but this time its worse cuase he wasn't even drunk.

i heard my father crying and being hysterical and getting his coat on saying he wasn't coming back. then i felt awful for making him cry and i was yelling IM SORRY through the door. my mom was yelling back, "if your truly sorry youd unlock the door and hug him". but i couldn't!!!!

I WAS STILL TERRIFIED OF HIM! HE JUST THREW ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET IN FRONT OF MY 2 BEST FRIENDS 30 MINUTES AGO! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM ME!?

he left, my mom called for a counselor. i hinted towards the fact that she is a horrible mother and gave her the chocolates i had boughten for her yesterday cause i felt bad she was in the middle of all of this.

i went upstairs and i heard her crying. i think she finally realized the damage she has done. she realized im fuckign right and that she chose her drunk ass shit piece of a husband over me for the millionth time.