no sarcasm here!
you'd think 9 am is too early for one to call a day "good"
yet, my friends, i've been awake for 5 hours already.
yes yes. 4 hours of sleep, 7 hours of studying.
last night i realized what was truly important:
long term happiness.
no more of this "i think i'm bipolar" bullshit.
what is going to make me happiest in the long run?
meg, monika, and victoria?
or becoming my dream? a psychologist.
i pushed myself.
my eyes were burning from the lack of sleep the night before
(I had a panic attack/mental breakdown till 4 AM)
i fought through it and read and re-read
highlighted and outlined
wrote and re-wrote
until i knew i absorbed the material.
turns out i read an extra chapter.
i got ahead of myself.
aka i wasted some time.
but i'm not going to let that bother me right now since the test was perfectly easy.
there were only two questions i was unsure of.
the
last question on the test gave away the answer (not really but i was
debating between B and D and this one reminded me what social equity
was) to the first question i didn't answer.
so i went back and answered that with 100% confidence.
and that answer lead me to the correct answer of the last one i had trouble on.
so im 99% confident i got a perfect score.
but you never know.
i
may have misread something here or there or maybe bubbled in the wrong
answer but circled the right one on the exam like i did TWO TESTS AGO.
im going to go grade my test and make sure of my perfect score.
then figure out my final grade since the final is optional.
i really don't care about the whole friends thing anymore.
i know im replaceable. thats just me.
thats just my personality.
i'm awkward. i'm not pretty. i'm not skinny.
i don't have a car. i'm not that smart. i'm not that funny.
i don't have nice clothes. i'm not a good story teller. i'm pretty much crummy.
nick thinks the sun shines out of my ass and that is all that matters to me.
i'm confident we will marry one day and have kids and live near paradise falls
:)
i don't care about friends. i have the three girls here.
i'm more than lucky for them to include me in their lives.
i'm
not worthy of their friendship and i know i won't be worthy of their
time once i go back to syracuse. but for now... their social
interactions are a good distraction when i'm away from nick.
for once i'm glad to be alive.
p.s.
oh and lets not forget i get to see new moon twice this wknd. once
stoned and once with nick! its like a freaking dream come true to have
nick be the love of my life, visiting me at albany, and doing little
things just to please me.
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