08 When I finally realized the "spirit" was an incubus

12/14/2012

In this journal, I'm going to write how I was visited and tricked by a demon, and later
became a Christian when I realized God and Satan's presence in the world.

----(pt 8)

After about two weeks of being with the demon, I got tired of its presence. Something just felt wrong about it. No, I know it should have been obvious, but I really thought it was "good" and I had really convinced myself it was a ghost of a man. I told him to leave me alone, and go to Heaven, wherever he was supposed to go. However, the demon would not. It would send such feelings of pain and misery through me when I rejected it, I felt sorry for it. It seemed to have emotions.

One day, in a dream, I was visited by the Greek god Poseidon. Or, at least I thought I was. In reality, the demon assumed a different personality and interacted with me, pretending to be Poseidon. I became fascinated with "Poseidon" because I had never believed in Greek gods (and I don't anymore) and began talking to "him." Suddenly, Josh was nowhere to be seen, or dropped by only once in a while. Actually, "he" was there the whole time, but just as "Poseidon."

The demon convinced me I was surrounded by many other entities and gods. It imitated different voices and would create varying moods to match. Some of the personalities it assumed were Zeus, a French girl, several Greek gods/goddesses, my grandmother, God, and Jesus. Over the course of several months, I was completely fooled. It seemed real, the voices it created. It convinced me that God and Jesus had sexual urges just like everyone else, and would often have sex with me, although he would be nervous when I asked to see his face, or whenever I looked at an image of Jesus.

Sometimes, I would hear snickering or mocking when I was told something utterly ridiculous and I believed it. (Once, it told me that the fairies and dragons described in this book I read were real.) It would say, "I can't believe you believe that..." followed by, "I was just kidding." Then it would re-assume charading as what it was supposed to be. Things added up after awhile, and I realized that it was in fact, a demon. (I'll write in my next entry what made me sure of this, definitely.) One that was fooling me this whole time.This was about 5 months after it started visiting me.

After a while, it decided to attach itself to me in a semi-pernament way...it seemed to hang onto my backside and hug me from the back, with its head pressed against the back of my head. This I didn't realize until months later. I would beg for it to leave me alone for just a few minutes, but it seemed 'attached' to me in a very literal sense. When I realized it was a demon, the romance turned sour. Its mood would be very angry and I would wake up to it raping me abusively. I began to feel haggard and drained of energy, as it seemed to use some of it up.

The demon tricked me. And now, it was planning to follow me around everywhere I went, using me like its puppet. The worst part was I didn't know how to get rid of it, and I'm still not sure.