Yesterday I said some stuff..
Today, do I put it in to practice?
It might Annoy YOU when I ask, but My heart hurts a little bit more every time I'm rejected, I don't know how much more I can handle. More now than ever.
To me, it's a regular reminder that no one wants me. I know it shouldn't be that way, But one day of Yes doesn't seem to make up for a month of No. It's because of all the No... that I came to believe that no one wanted me.
Because no one wants me, when that Yes comes around, it just feels like the Yes is out of Pity. I mean, it must be. Someone that gets rejected so much can't be wanted.
There can't be any other reason, a voice in my head is constantly trying to convince me. Accumulated over years, it gets harder to tell myself that nagging little voice is wrong.
The Ultimate pain was inflicted upon finding out that it was true. I wasn't Desired, someone else was. How can I not believe the voice after that? How can I ignore it as being off base? Every No's effect on my heart is now Tenfold, Now knowing that the voice was right all along.
My heart was ripped wide open. I don't know if you really understand the impact that it had. It destroyed the already fragile hold I had on any esteem and worth I had, making me feel like I did back when I was on the Island, constantly being told by my peers that I was barely worth the breath they used to tear me down. Reminding me once again that I was not desired.
Repairs need to be made. It can't be the way it was. My demands might seem unreasonable, but I assure you, they are not. The wound you inflicted is the worst I'd ever faced, nothing even comes close, I have given you an opportunity to fix them and make everything right.
You can't continue to be selfish, It's what started this.
I admire you for wanting to fix yourself, I think it's amazing and a huge step to take. My Love for you still grows as a result. But you seem to have forgotten something important...
...I need you to fix me too. |
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