I'm wiped.
Took the kids trick or treating tonight - they had an absolute blast. I tried to keep things pretty low key, pretty normal, and other then a couple breaks for medication, I think we did a good job. We used the stroller about half the time, and then packed it in the trunk and let ALL THREE kids walk. Jude REALLY had fun with things, he's big enough now that he totally understood the idea and LOVED it. It was his second Halloween, I really didn't expect him to "get it" til next year or so. They did a great job with their thank yous and I was very proud of them for being almost the only kids I saw tonight that weren't pushing at doors :) They can at least PRETEND to be well mannered children!
Alex was a magician, Gabby was a ballerina (although her costume got confused for Abby Cadabby quite often!) and Jude was a pooh bear pumpkin. Stinking adorable. They got a TON of candy from it, and we're going to take it in sometime over the next couple days - the dentist in town is doing a buy back - he gives the kids money, and takes the candy. The candy is then shipped to military personell serving overseas. It's a win-win for everyone. The kids do NOT need this much candy (although I suppose it COULD prove useful in the "Put Some Weight on Gabby" project!)
Haven't seen Kyle for close to a week now due to his job keeping him busy. I understand it's busy and it's good because it's growth and blah blah blah....but I need him right now. We're in constant contact thanks to our phones but I need HIM. He's listened to me constantly and been a shoulder and my rock, but I physically need him here to hold on to. And I don't think that's really asking too much. I know that this is just me being in a whiney bitchy me-me-me mood, but...blah, idk. I need him. That's really all there is to it.
We go back to CMH for a hematology appointment on Tuesday. I'm half looking forward to it, half dreading it. I'm bringing a bag of clothing with me, for both myself and the kids. I'm half expecting her to get readmitted when we're there. Hematology and Cardiology are going round and round and round on how long they're going to have her on Lovenox instead of Coumadin....She's not stable on either one, and the coumadin they've at least positive will work. I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing's working. Everything interacts with everything. Everything interacts with her. I wish so badly we'd known this going into surgery. Not that it'd of changed anything - she wouldn't have survived more then a week or so longer without hte new valve. I feel so absolutely stuck between a rock and a hard place. No matter what decision we make, shits getting fucked up. I just want to beat my head against a brick wall, it'd make about as much of a point as anything else going on at this point. I don't think anything I say or do is going to make a damn bit of differance at this point and I really just want to curl up and cry but I always have no time and if I did have time I have kids and I'm not about to let them see me crack.
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