June 4, 2010
First of all, for anyone who doesn't know, my daughter has got Turner's Syndrome. It's a genetic abnormality that causes problems in the physical development in 1 in 3000 women. 98% of babies concieved with this, are either miscarried or stillborn. The remaining 2% has to fight like hell. Gabby fought.
At this point, the majority of the actual health concerns, have passed. We're no longer in a day to day struggle for life. At this point, it's purely a matter of maintaining her health.
But there are days, like today, that I get really depressed about things. And it's about stuff that's probably silly, like the fact I will never get to go to an ultrasound appointment with my daughter and see my grandbaby. Sure, some women with TS can have IVF to concieve, but, Gabby's not a candidate for it because of the heart surgery she had already, and with the existing cardiac concerns....it's not an option for her. Never will be. I will have grandkids from her, I'm sure, "there's always adoption" as we've been reminded so many times, but, there's just something about the fact that HAVING children won't even be an option for her that kinda breaks my heart. I know how much my pregnancies changed me, I know how amazing the process is, and I know I wouldn't change a thing at all about what has happened in my life, and the fact that she won't get to experience it....that makes me sad. For both of us. I know I should just be counting my lucky stars that she's here, because, according to the doctors she shouldn't of survived (but that's a story that will get it's own entry, no doubt. Perhaps I'll be feeling productive in a bit...) but...I dunno, I'm just rambly and kinda sad and really selfish right now I guess.
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