I haven't been a blogger for years, but I figured I might as well start again. I'm new to Bloop, but it shouldn't be all that different from other diaries. I'm hoping to use this as a way to manage my thoughts and perhaps see things I would have missed while thinking of them in my head. You can always notice different things once it's all written down, or that's how it normally goes.
The force that drove me to begin blogging is the fact that they've returned; my nightmares are back and they're not holding back any punches. I normally find a way to explain my nightmares, finding little common bonds, thoughts turned into characters, etc., but some of these... I just can't grasp the meaning. They're terrifying, some of them, all because they're coming from depths of my mind that I'm not even familiar with. Granted, I've always been a lil' on the demented side, but I thought I had picked my brain apart to know anything that could "pop up" in my dreams/nightmares. I guess I was wrong.
My nightmares are starting to lose their sequencing, they jump from thought to thought... all in a central theme, but with odd elements that just don't fit in with everything else. It's beginning to make me wonder if I've really taken a step off of the deep end, it wouldn't be the first time, heh.
My nightmare started off and I was asleep, just like any other night. I frequently dream of myself, how I would view myself if I was having an "outer body experience", so I saw myself asleep. I saw myself toss and turn, kicking my cover a bit, trying to settle into that one comfy spot that my bed seems to contain. I fell into a restless sleep, then after, and my view changed to a mirror. I looked in the mirror and behind me was this monster. It wasn't a three-horned demon, it wasn't a decomposing skeleton, it was literally a monster. It was the words monster, arranged vertically. It had eyes, it's skin seemed sort of slimy and goopy, but it still had this sheen to it that made it seem like it would be smooth to the touch. It had arms, and legs, and it did have claws. It didn't say anything to me though, not a single growl or snuffle, it just glared at me through the mirror. I took a turn, wanting to get as far away from the monster as possible, because it was beginning to create a sickening feel to my tummy. I ran, down a hallway littered with clowns and jack-in-the-boxes, all of them covered in blood yet giggling in this croaking sort of way. I got to the end of the hallway, only to find a dead end. The giggling came to a halt, and I glanced over my shoulder to see the monster was there. I started pounding my fists into the wall, trying to push through, needing to see the smallest hole form just to give me hope enough to continue breaking down the barrier. I pounded so hard I tore my skin, broke the bones, and I was just beating the wall senselessly with my bloody mess. I let out a scream, more like a howl, and suddenly everything disappeared. The wall was gone, the monster was gone, my hands were healing before my eyes, and the clowns began to chant words that I don't remember. It was very low, and the longer they chanted, the brighter the room in front of me began to be. I saw a library, an old library, with bookcase after bookcase that seemed to stretch on for miles. I started walking through the books and soon noticed a cracking sound. I looked down to see that the floor was as fragile as ice, due to the splinters forming, and to my horror I noticed that I wasn't on ground anymore, I was floating. This library was in the sky, floating on a bed of ice. I quickly scurried, trying to find a more secure to stand, and I skidded into the largest book I've ever seen in my life. The book shattered, it was made of ice, but when it shattered it revealed that it had a heart and all of this blood poured out. I fell into the blood, the ice cut into my skin, my blood mixed with that of the book's, and soon we were both falling. The was falling fast and there was no light to be found, the longer I fell I began to burn, my skin was catching on fire and that began to light things up. I fell in a rose patch and began to crawl my way out, I was still bloody from the cuts, and the thorns from the roses weren't making matters any better. I cried as dirt got into my wounds but I kept moving forward until it suddenly felt like I was moving but going nowhere. The rose vines were wrapped around me tightly; my legs and arms had been secured as if they were being held by fists. I began to fight, but the vines weren't going to cut me any slack. They kept digging their thorns into me and the more I screamed the more their thorns began to grow. I closed my eyes and began to see all these images: a hospital, a mental institution, three lined up straitjackets, a bloody stuffed animal, a house covered in claw marks, a person who had only eyes that were dripping blood, and my final image was of myself sleeping in bed. I opened my eyes to see that the roses had grown higher, bigger, they were mutating into some hybrid of plant-life combined with human-life. I howled and used my last ounce of strength to break my arm free, grapping the vine of one of the hybrids and I used the overgrown, now serrated-edged thorn to slit my throat. I quit howling and closed my eyes, almost enjoying the plunge back into darkness because the wind seemed to soothe my wounds, and before I knew it I was hovering above my bed.
I woke up before I actually made "the drop", which I guess is a good thing, since many people believe that if you fall in a dream without catching yourself... you won't be able to wake, ever again.
Maybe, just maybe, if someone decides to read this blog, they'll understand the chain of events and find some common link that could clarify things for me.
I'm getting to the point where I feel battered and bruised. I've got this plan of reinventing myself, to become a better person, to expand on my good and diminish the negative, but at the moment it'd just be nice to sleep again at night. |
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welcome!!
Welcome
My God that was such a horrifying dream! I can't imagine what it must be like to have such nightmares every night! Do you see a therapist or take meds to make you sleep better or something?
Creepy dreams there. I don't dream in first person either. It's like you're in your own little movie. :/ Good luck trying to make sense of things though, and welcome to Bloop. It's a good place.
See, I used to be able to remember a good amount of my dreams. I got lucky though and didn't have too many nightmares. :/ I've had dreams about death, but so far they just stick in dreamland (though I don't think they should belong there, either).
Thank you for that. I do hope that things get better, however slowly that may happen. I also wish you the best of luck. I hope everything works out for you.
wow your dreams sound like they can be scary at times, and i hope writing will be beneficial to you. bloop is a wonderful place to make friends *hugs*
welcome
Welcome Back.