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+The Fallen Goddess+
by fallen

previous entry: +time to strike+

next entry: +last week of term+

+ in ten years time+

07/13/2011

Someone asked me last night- where do you see yourself in ten years time... um.... I don't! Is that bad? I don't see myself with a future of any sorts. I have no passion for life or for a career or anything! It sucks. I hate that I don't know what I want to be. Yes, I have a career, and it sure beats working in an office doing monotonous repetitive work over and over... but I'm not passionate about it, I don't feel enriched by it... it's just a talking point in my life. I long to be creative again, painting, writing, performing- but then I lose the drive, the will, the longing, halfway through! It's not good. I m now trying to coax my brother to get involved, to help keep me motivated.
I have 1 and a half weeks til the summer. No real plans other than the NT trip to Bath... Holly wanted a holiday, but the more I think about it, the less I want it... uneccessary stress trying to organise- and I now have rehearsals for Rent through that week.
I have lost even more will power and can't stop eating... it's driving me crazy! I wish I was the 15 year old with the will power of steel; able to not eat when I want... to control my cravings... it's even worse now being intollerant to wheat and gluten, as I keep eating it and then feeling rough as a badger after!
So... in ten years. I don't see myself being here or anywhere... how do I get motivated? It's not that I'm depressed, but I'm not happy.

Love fallen xxx

previous entry: +time to strike+

next entry: +last week of term+

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I don't see myself with a future, really, either. I WANT to but I cannot imagine it, so maybe it's not really a bad thing. Maybe it means we are open to suggestions?

I am not happy, either. But how do you get happy? No one really has a rule book for that.

I hope that in ten years time you WILL be happy, though.

[SugarNSpice Surveys|0 likes] [|reply]

Start reading. About anything that interests you, anything at all. And then when a new point is brought up in that reading that interests you more, chase that interest. Then keep chasing subsequent curiosities until you find one that you just cannot put down.

I only say this because I felt pretty much *exactly* like this entry says, two or three years ago. Especially the part where you want to be creative but then you lose interest! That is the story of my life! Almost exactly 3 years ago I decided to go back to school for business, so I could get ahead in my career at the time. It only took one semester for me to realize I didn't give a shit about my job and how it worked, so I switched to major in anthropology. I knew I didn't want to be an anthropologist, but it was the only thing (outside of sociology) that really fascinated me. It was in a senior-level special topics anthropology class that I discovered my passion is food. While studying about the food systems of our culture and others, I realized that the thing I want to do with my life is provide good food for myself. It sounds like a really simple goal, I suppose, but it's something that has kept be interested for almost three years now, whereas most of my interests fade away after a month or three or six. I realized I could earn a degree around it. I realized that what I want is not a normal career, or a huge money-maker, but it is something that I genuinely want to do, and something that makes me happy to learn about. And that... is what matters to me in the end.

Anyway let me get off my soapbox. I hope you are able to find something that grabs you and makes you think, "how did I live before this?" (:

[mixie|0 likes] [|reply]

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