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Cannot believe that all my rantings and reasonings, crushes, despairing monologues etc have all gone- lol!
Is a bit of a shock, and yet I realised, in reality, how far have I really moved on from the entries when I was 16?!? Other than writing very little mundane heartbreak poetry nowadays, my head and my heart are in the same place!!
Being a teacher has made me realised that school really never ends- the conversations we have, the attempts at looking cool and making a good impression still exist in the staff as much as the students... for most people that would be shocking and horrible- 'What?!? I'm still going to be judged?> There's still going to be cliques and people that just put me to shame?!@'- YES!
But for me it's actually very reassuring, potentially too reassuring- I can still be the same crazy ass person I was at school, getting excited by drama evenings, Christmas carol concerts, when people do/say crazy things in class!
After becoming a little obsessed by the Twilight saga and reflecting on my ridiculously soap opera love life, I've realised I want it all to be over... I've done the love filled torment, casual flings, meaningful moments, men that are wrong for me, men I want to protect, men I want to protect me- and I'm bored of it all! I want a nice, dependable (not too much like Edward Cullen as perfection grates) but someone who actually cares. Trouble is, I'm now the pickiest person alive, lol!
Can't believe it's nearly Christmas already, it's going so fast- I feel very settled with my life now- just wish I could find a flat to live in as I've got to move out of mine by the end of January! My parents have been panicking on my behalf- I could live with Adam (if he can get his house back from his psycho ex-girlfriend)! Adam is perfect in terms of physique and personality, but I just could never see me dating him- WHY?!?
Anyhoo if I continue I could rant on about the others guys who've taken me out recently- Dave (incompatible apparently), Lucien (ex with sparks), Nico (unreliable but loves me) and then Adam!
Hmm.... what to do- should I settle and be less than satisfied?!
Love Fallenxxx
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