So the main school play went well- exactly as I imagined... it was more the comments about it that made me feel happy- made me think about writing more potentially- but I need an idea!!
I woke up this morning feeling like life was pretty damn stuck! I feel very little passion for my job anymore- the excitement and drive, the wanting to do well and to educate have kind of gone. Part of me feels like I'm a teacher just so I only have to be a bit smarter than an 18 year old! And after my behaviour last weekend, I really am just an 18 year old... went to a party and got drunk and cried, in front of EVERYONE and then kissed someone I really shouldn't, and my boss had to walk me home at 6am... definitely behavious of a teenager, not an adult!
I looked at working summer school placements to get more money- part of me wants to save up and buy a flat- to get a sense for my own space, but part of me knows it would be stupid to put myself in 25 years worth of debt and it would also mean it would be harder if I ever do decide to live the dream and move country...
I started my next Masters assignment today, so it has given me more of a goal- it is definitely something i'm keen on... challenging myself through education... but where exactly will it get me???
So here I am. Not sure where I want to be, how I want to spend my money or what career I want; just floating aimlessly (at least I'm not sinking), but I know that I'm going to go mad if I don't make a decision by next year!
I have also got to stop eating so much cheese- my good behaviour and gym habits have all but died- so MUST get back to the gym, MUST stop eating so much cheese!
Love Fallen xxx |
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