Well I got back from my travels across America, so many good and bad things... it taught me a lot about myself (not in a cheesy way, just facts) and also made me have a good think about the ruts that people get stuck in with their life.
I ate a billion calories- I know its gonna sound mean but going with someone who is larger, you are statistically proven to eat more than if you go with someone thin. And so I did... I snapped on the last night when she decided to get food at 4am, totally unneccessary, but I was just projecting my anger about myself allowing myself to eat so much junk food when I'd worked so hard to get the figure I wanted.
So now its back to the grind stone for the next few weeks until I can get myself back in shape, woo!
The holiday also made me realise my OCD is getting worse. I'm just getting more penickity (sp) about keeping things clean and tidy, again not cool when going on holiday with a naturally messy person! It meant I stressed about stuff unecessarily, reducing the fun time... it's why I think I should live by myself, in order to avoid the day to day stresses of people being messy. Maybe in a years time I will be able to afford to do that!
Lastly it also made my inner loner self so frustrated, having someone there all the time. I think that's pretty normal though, needing alone time. I love being by myself sometimes, getting to see what I want, walk at my own pace, enjoy peace and quiet- which is hard to do when the other person doesn't get that and just wants to talk or do stuff all the time. Its why Boston was so peaceful, getting a few hours by myself to explore the city. I loved it.
This entry isn't a reflection on my friend at all, she was just being her and I guess I wouldn't want her any other way. But it was a total reflection on myself, and who I am as a person.
When I got back my two best friends had texted me, saying they missed me etc. I realised how much I care for these people, and how much so many of my other friends don't really care (other than on the surface)... as I get older I realise that being friends with some people is just a waste of energy- being the one that always calls or texts, the one who is not understood.
Its why I love Bex so much- she gets me. I am a naturally quiet person at the heart of it, with an ADHD-type attention span- people aquate this with me being angry or moody when in fact it's more often than not that I'm bored of a conversation topic or tired or want to be quiet for a bit. Is it weird that only 1 or 2 of my friends I've known for 10 and more years gets that??!
I am looking forward to the new school year, and a new school me- bring it on! Starting a new masters module in September, this one looks easy, so I can't wait!
Love Fallen xxx |
Loading...