OK, so I’m now back from NYC, it was a pretty useful holiday to have as many epiphanies came my way… Teddy tried telling me that due to our connection we could totally be together and that as he’d never move to England he’d have to get enough money for me to live out there. Needless to say I’d already told him I had a boyfriend and proceeded to call him a player and that he was just my friend, didn’t go down too well!!
Being on holiday by myself was nice because I got to do what I wanted but it was also not motivating me TO do anything, and also I realised that I definitely don’t want to be like my aunt, who’s alone and does almost everything by herself… seeing the city in a bit more detail I realised that I feel like I’ve done NYC now, seen all that I want to see, and that I don’t think I want to move there- this will undoubtedly annoy the friends who I promised years ago to move to America with, lol.
I really did miss Adam, he’s booked us 4 days away in Rome at the end of June, the only other holiday I’ve been on with a boyfriend was George in Spain so this will definitely be the next step up. Adam also bought me a bracelet whilst I was away, he says it represents the promise he’s made me to always try to make me happy and to never hurt me… cheesy I know, this boy is seriously too good to be true! But its also made me realise that I could do this- yes I do still have some trust issues, but I feel ready to settle down again… we discussed last night the fact that I’ve only signed up to a 6 month contract. He says at the end of that we could move in together, that seems pretty fast, but also way better than sharing with the boys- and I’d feel very much like I was taking that next step in my life.
I realised whilst I was away the thing I crave most is stability- I’m not like all my friends my age who seem to want the adventure, the travelling, the going out and living it up… I feel like I’ve done that, and deep down all I’ve ever wanted is someone who is my whole world and I am theirs… could I have finally found this?? If so, 23 years isn’t really that long to wait to be completed- but some part of the old pessimist in me keeps nagging to say that it’s too good to be true, the fact that I’m happy!
Love Fallen xxx
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