I know I'm not the only one who doesn't like Christmas day, but every year I do feel really alone.
Wake up hungover at someone elses house (could possibly still have been drunk). Now, I love my nan in the innate way you love your kin; but when hungover the last thing you want is repeated nattering at a ridiculously loud volume. Put me in a bad mood by 9.30am.
I want to look at/read my xmas present and get told off- why buy me it then!?? Then dad proceeds to hit me for not doing what he wants and actually speaking my mind, that I am being social but just not how he wants. Usually its mum that hits but dad's become more of an aggressive idiot since retiring. Mum is trying to keep things together (first time in my life she's ever taken over xmas dinner)... so for a while all was calm (ie eating); but I've now had enough of being told what a shit daughter I am. So am in my room at my parents house listening to music, wishing I was anywhere but here- welcome ladies and gentleman to the 15 year old me, all over again.
I can't be in this position again next year- every year I try to tell myself I do want to be with my family- after all they are my flesh and blood... but that's where the similarities end. Why does no one want to go dance and get crazy drunk. Giving up drugs is always way harder on days like this... I've been good for 6 months now, and I'm craving like nobody's business presently. Anything to make me happy, or numb.
Here's hoping for a less lonely 2011...
Love Fallen xxx |
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