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Just had a big trip away this weekend, it made me realise how much I love building better relationships with people and yet I'm unwilling to build them with my own housemates as I'm adverse to their lifestyle- hmmm... still it was a fantastic weekend that has filled my creative mind with so many ideas for developing pieces etc, it also unfortunately did involve drinking and bonding... and that wasn't always a positive thing. I have a tendency to reveal too much, make a fool of myself and make obvious the secrets I'm trying to hide. I need to be very careful what I do now, to make sure I don't cross the line.
Still looking for a house, my friend at work is selling a house she rents out at the moment, so that's very promising... it would be so much easier- but again I had the 'settling' talk- this time with my pupils- they just kept saying 'but Miss you're only 23, why are you giving up so early?!'
I do want to travel a bit more, but other than that security and routine are still my priorities, sad as that is!
I am really feeling like school is fully underway now, and that winter is approaching- I saw the sun rising today as I got ready- and I know that the hardest part of the year is yet to come, it's kind of depressing in a way, and so I need to find new ways of feeling happy and content- any ideas??!? I know that Adam is the sweetest boyfriend in the world, but it's sometimes too much, I can't handle perfection, I still need a bit of the chase (even though I thought I was over games)! Kirsten (another teacher who came on the trip last weekend) asked me about what I really am passionate about and why I'm not trying to persue it, teaching is the easy way out without having to try too much but still being close to things I love... I don't like the idea of making next to no money and working long hours, although I know I would enjoy every minute of what I make... the reason I loved to work so much when I was younger was knowing the money would be coming in to give me a life- I am now starting to take that for granted (not good)!
Best be off now, only got 1 difficult lesson today which is good, but a very busy week ahead and the Russian's sister is staying, so feeling the need to make sure none of my stuff is used and left a mess!
Love Fallen xxx
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