Life is hectic as ever, I feel like I'm almost wishing the weeks away... which is weird for me! I don't like Christmas on the principals of- I hate the food, I always fall out with my family, the day itself is usually boring as hell...
I love Christmas for the community spirit, decorating the tree and singing carols... which one wins???
I am on the look out for a new job as I can't get any higher (unless the head creates a post for me, which he said he was thinking of doing two months ago, but was that just a ploy to keep me there)! I don't want to move as I love the school, the staff and most importantly the kids, but at the same time I am bored out of my brain, the mundaneness of doing the same schemes, with the same people in the same environment is slowly driving me mad.
I have tests tomorrow to confirm whether or not I have to have my womb scraped out (oh joys), and to be honest I almost hope I do have to have it done, as it will mean some much needed time out from my life. I am fed up of going through the motions.... nothing seems to happen that excites me.
So, what to do? My last trip to NYC had many disasterous moments, pretty much confirming that moving there would not really be an option, as the spark is gone. I still love that city so much but I go there every year- that's 5 years worth of holidays where I could have been visiting other parts of the world never before seen!
I am also starting my masters dissertation, but the lack of energy, enthusiasm and drive is meaning I'm going nowhere fast. I also don't know how much I will owe (haven't worked up the guts to call them) so even though I know I need to start organising my finances I can't face things!
I want to fall asleep and not wake up; until I've figured my life out xxx |
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