It's not always rainbows & butterflies

Matter of fact...... It wasn't long ago when I posted my magical morning gratitudes.

You see, it's not always happy go-go and skittles. Life is 50/50. Sometimes you're on fire and feel amazing, other times it fucking sucks.

& The story we tell ourselves of what we experience or what we have experienced, will be the degree of the pain or joy we receive from it.

So if I continue to walk around here sulking that I miss Ohio and my friends, or that I miss Florida and my family and all of my past life activities.. What will that solve for me? A song comes on the radio and I'm reminded of what once was or what is to come and I'm like, shit, can I just go back there now please?

Fact: I am about 1200 miles smack dab in the middle of both of those places. Not to mention, lives. I am no longer there or there, I am here. 

Fact: That was all over 7 years ago.

Note to self: It won't kill you. You're just in a thought. I'm sure they miss you too.. That was a different time of life for me.. Of course my brain wants to take me back there, where it was safe and familar, where I knew my every move.... I am sure we all wish we had no responsibilites and could do whatever it is you wanted.. We don't want people to forget us..... I'm sure it would be nice to pick up and go and have someone pay all of your bills.. I am sure it would be nice to have a mimosa right now with your best friend....Fear shows up in many ways.

I recognize it's just a few thoughts that are creating emotions in me that are causing me to want to rebel and buffer and turn my cheek on what I am doing now.. I know tose are just desires I want and I am not in a position to do that in this specific time, so my inner self is like, "WTF, COME ON. I am going to be so mad at you if you don't do what you want," but right now it's not something I can commit to.. So therefore, I must Work through it, let it soak in and get up and shake the glitter off my shoulders.

What's funny is, originally I was worrying about something that hasn't happened yet and it caused the trickle of all like-thoughts that made me feel less than and like I'm missing out on something and that turned into, not being able to do what I want. It's selfish but that's what happens when you let loose thoughts wander in your head like a toddler with a knife. Bad news bears. 

You see, our inner being is constantly moving forward, wanting the best for us. When we pull it in another direction, that' swhen anger happens and nostalgia sets in. We're pinching off something we desire and we get pissed. We "believe" our circumstances dictate that but it's our thoughts that have the power. We're never NOT in control; we choose to think we aren't at times and that can be rough.  We let one thought run wild and it will find so many reasons you won't have enough, you'll be forgotten, you're losing your mind.. etc.. 

Trust me, I've been there myself.

What's the best medicine when you're angry or feeling nostalgic? Getting in tune with what is going on in this moment. What I am thankful for. How the energy I am feeling (sad, angry, happy, etc.. ) is showing up in my body.

For instant, I'm a little distraught right now. I was waiting for a huge check to clear to pay off several bills and where it's coming from, has pushed it off another week. Grr. Allow me to turn my unicorn horn into a red devil head piece and dramatize the day by saying, "Way to ruin my life."  (extra eye roll)...

I manifested (set intention/desire) for this to happen by Oct 15. I realized, I did not put 2018 so it did not happen. Then, I overshot it by 11/15/2018. So with that being said, truly, this isn't supposed to be finalized until 11/15/18. I just got SO excited for the quick turn around on this and thought, surely, I will blow my own mind and it'll happen sooner.

If I wanted it sooner, I should have asked.

Have you ever experienced something like this?

All mind drama aside, I know it's not the end of the world. If I have to sit in a little bit more discomfort, that's quite alright. Discomfort after all, is the currency to success.

I have a blog on my website and I may share this there as well but there's also something comforting about Bloop that I adore. 

Truly, I would not have believed everything in my life that's happening to be possible 6 months ago. Then one day I decided it would be and it became possible for me. The great thing about that is I can add this to the "evidence" memory cell for my brain to remember, hey, remember that time you wanted a whole bunch of $ to flow your way, you asked and you got it? Yeah --- let's shoot bigger next time!

"We did it once, we can do it again, ", says the brain.

Whether it's finances.. relationships.. losing weight... a new job... learning how to start a blog... whatever it is... If you did it once, you can do it again.

So today I am extremely appreciative of having a day to reflect in what was, is and will become. I am glad I am in the momentum of receiving. No matter what happens, life will deliver what you desire. Set clear intentions + focus on how it feels to have it in your life now. It does not mean it will happen all at once because that would be no fun at all (though we sometimes wish it would!) - trust in the process.

Believe.

Take action.

It will deliver.