So I just got done doing the dishes. As I'm unloading the dishwasher I take out a dirty plate, a dirty bowl, a sharp knife that is not suppose to be in the dishwasher, a couple other things & then I have to pry a knife off the bottom of the dishwasher because when the washer was on it melted the knife to the bottom of it. >.< I've tried talking to my Dad about it the lack of actual cleaning but he doesn't do anything & my Step-Mom is tired of hearing, we'll call them Thing 1 & Thing 2, bickering. Especially when it comes to doing clean up after dinner. Basically I'm looking for suggestions of what to say to my Dad & Step-Mom about Thing 2 slacking in the dishes department. Thing 1 is good about it but she complains about Thing 2 hardly ever doing the dishes. I've lived here for going on 4 months & my Dads favorite thing to say when I mention Thing 2 not doing dishes correctly is "Well you're here all day & you don't work." Really?! Okay before I go off on a tangent, what should I do to get him to realize that its not fair for me to continually clean up Thing 2s mess? Right now those dishes are sitting on the counter next to the sink. I'm going to show my Dad & tell him that I refuse to clean them. Anyone got any better ideas?

Yea, it's called moving out. I moved out when I was 18 for college and never even DREAMED of moving back in with my parents. I couldn't take that crap when I was in high school, let alone do it in my twenties.

I'd probably rather live under a bridge than move back in with my parents and sister. It's sad, but so true.

If I could afford to move out, I would trust me. Shit I'd move back to California. I moved here under the thought that the grass is greener on the other side... boy was I wrong! I could handle living with my Mom again. She's the sane parent.

I've been in this situation before. More than once, actually, because I've moved back in with family and in-laws a few times over the years. The truth of the matter is that even if everyone is receptive to your opinions of how things should be done, they *may* do things your way for a while, but they're most likely to fall back on old habits within a short period of time. Deal with it until you can find a place of your own, but as soon as you can afford to, leave. Living in such a situation is not healthy, and belive me, it's SO much better being out on your own.

Yeah, that's the hard thing. Thing 2 basically runs this house. Everyone (except me) does everything for him. He's learned if he half asses it enough he isn't asked to do it anymore. It's sad when a 12yr old, who acts 2 half the time, can run circles around his parents. If it was an Olympic event, he'd get the gold every time.

I moved how here to also go to school but I think what I'll be doin is saving my money & movin my happy little ass back to Cali by 2012 if I can afford it.

My sister-in-law does the exact same thing as Thing 2. She's 25 and has never moved out even once, because she has her parents wrapped around her little finger (they're divorced, too, so that makes it extra frustrating, because no matter which parent was around, she's quite obviously favoured over my husband). She was a huge part of the problem any of the times I lived with the in-laws. The other problem was that my father-in-law is equally as lazy as his daughter, and is also totally incapable of accepting responsibility for his actions. Thus, I was stuck doing housework AND working full time, all the while being passively aggressively blamed by everyone but my husband for not doing enough around the house. *rolls eyes*

Now that we're out on our own, the worst thing I have to worry about is whether or not my husband's doing his part around the house. ha

Yeah my dad doesn't do anything around the house because "I have to get up at f*****g three am everyday! You don't work or go to school or pay rent, so why is this a f*****g problem?!" or they give the whole "when I was your age" or "if I talked like that to my parents" speech. *sigh* Wanna blow my brains out sometimes. The good thing with my Step Mom is that she does try to get Thing 2 & Thing 1 to do what they are suppose to do but my Dad does not back her up. He is the king of blaming everyone else for something that goes wrong. Its not his fault he got fired. Its not his fault he couldn't pay his child support to my mother. Why doesn't Carol back him up when he yells at the kids. Sh!t like that.

I'm looking forward to having enough money to move out. I'd even let my sister move with me if Dad & her mom were okay with it. She at least cleans up after herself & doesn't cuss me out when I ask her to help me do something or to clean the dishes.

From the sound of it, nothing you say or do will make your dad or step mom change their attitude. The only thing you can do is clean your mess and only your mess. Whatever mess is around will be theirs. Their parents are the ones who need to address this issue with them and let them know they need to clean. Without that, they won't change. My mom was like that with my brother growing up. He got away with not doing anything and I got stuck doing it. It took her years to realize what she let him get away with and now its hard for her to break that habit he has.

There's an unequal power battle in my house, there's somethings I do more than my sister and in all fairness, there's things she'll do more than me. I also have to keep in mind that there's things my mother does more than either me OR my sister. I think what I've come to learn is that when it comes to issues like cleaning, it's a trivial arguement. Please keep in mind I'm only talking about me and my experiences, I don't necessarily thing EVERYONES household problems are trivial (just thought I'd throw in that disclaimer before I upset anyone unintentionally!!) Like I was saying, around here - it's trivial, there's really no point in me getting upset/angry/frustrated/etc about something like who put what dishes where and who didn't load/unload the dishwasher. If there's dishes to be done, I'll clean them. If the dishwasher is finished it's cycle, I'll unload it. Yes, in the beginning it was frustrating - I didn't see why I should bother considering 90% of it wasn't mine - but the thing is I was getting frustrated and angry, eventually I thought well...why? Why am I getting upset and letting something that takes a few minutes, ruin my day? Once its all done, it's done and I know my mum appreciates the help. It does my head in because my sister and I share a bathroom but since she moved home, she's never cleaned it - it's either my mum or I who have to do it. But again, I COULD spend the day being bitter and angry OR I could just get it done and be in a good mood afterward.

As I was saying, that was just my experience, my advice though is...yes it may be a battle and chances are it's a battle you won't win (just going by what you said about your parents), so I think if I were you, I want to say "life handed you lemons, so go make lemonade" or "deal the cards you were dealt" type thing. Like - yes it sucks, I agree, but maybe turn something negative into a positive?

Or suggest a chores-chart :D

No worries, we all have different experiences in life. But yeah, I felt that way when I lived with my Mom but I realized that my Mom & Step Dad commuted to the Bay Area so the least I could do when I only have to walk a mile to work & only work 4-5 days is do the dishes & just try to straighten up. But with my brother he never does anything. I think that is what bugs me. I do stuff with out being asked yet I'm the one getting yelled at because something didn't get done or because he made a mess & I ask him politely to clean it up.

I think I will suggest a chore chart, especially for after dinner clean up.

I can understand where your frustration is coming from. It doesn't help at all that you are willing to do these things yet you seem to get a lot of negativity from your parents. Ok...it's making more sense to me now.

Perhaps some of it has to do with them "giving up" with him...like they know they can rely on you to do these things and they know they cant change him. I don't know. Anyway, suggest a chore chart..I mean it sounds like something you give 5 year olds...but it may help and at least everyone know who's doing what and when. If somethings not done, your parents will know who to look at.

(ps...is he younger than you? because I've found parents to use that whole "well...you're old, you're more mature and you know better" excuse. They love it.)

Yeah, if I wasn't doing anything & they were getting on me I would totally understand & I would understand it if they would get mad at me if I got on Thing 2 for not doing anything.

I think so. I did talk to my Dad about getting a chore chart set up because I know Carol is tired of hearing the bickering about who does what after dinner. I even told him I'd prefer to be the only one to do dishes because I'm OCD about it. He agreed & we will sit down and talk it one night this week. There's only 3 nights a week that Thing 2 gets out of doing after clean up & that's because he has football practice. That works fine with me.

Yes he is younger. He's 12. Yeah I think that's what it is with my Dad & Step-Mom, I'm older so I should be the mature responsible one about all of it. But it's hard to not yell at the kid when he drives me up the wall.

I'm in this situation now. So I have to say I'm with your dad when he says "Well you're here all day & you don't work." The way I look at it, if I don't work - I'll clean. I clean everything inside of my house, dishes, laundry, etc. It's the least I can do since someone else is paying bills for me. I go to school full time, but I still come home and clean up everything. My brother mows the lawn and does yardwork. I'm fine with that.

Are you saying that they don't put the dishes in the sink or something? That would be just...gross. But IMO if they're putting them in the sink, I don't see what the big deal is, honestly.

I don't have a dishwasher, so I don't know what to say about that. But I'd probably ask whoever loads it wrong to leave it for me.

Honestly I don't mind doing stuff around the house especially because I'm not working or going to school. I really don't. I mind however when Dad asks him to do it he throws a tantrum & throws the dishes into the dishwasher with out rinsing the food off or even running it after so that the food dries onto the plates & such. Honestly if Thing 2 did anything around the house I wouldn't mind (i'd drop dead of shock first). I've talked to Dad about it before because I've had to rewash an entire dishwasher load of dishes one morning after he just ran cold water of the dishes & stuck the in.

I have thought about asking them to just let me do it but then I feel like I'm letting Thing 2 win. *shrugs* maybe I'll be less irritated if I just did it that way.

@SoA: that's usually my outlook on household stuff. If something irritates me MORE when someone else does it wrong, than to do it myself, I usually just ask them to let me do it ;D I'm really OCD like that.

But wait... you have to rinse off dishes BEFORE you put them in the dishwasher? What's the point of having one then? Wouldn't it just be easier to just wash them? (Like I said, I don't have a dishwasher, lol. I've never used one before. I figured you just shoved dishes in them, and they got clean.)

LOL That's a good point. I get really annoyed if it isn't done the way I would do it but as long as they rinse it off then put it in the dishwasher I'm good. I mean it took me drinking out of a cup that had a ring of dried milk near the bottom of it for me to realize this kid half asses like crazy(didn't realize it had the ring until I was done with my soda YUCK)

Yeah our dishwasher isn't very strong. I use it more as a drying rack then an actual washer. I do run it though because even if the dishwasher was top of the line I would still clean the dishes before putting them in. I guess you could say its OCD. It freaks me out to put a dirty dish in the dishwasher. My Mom once put a spoon in the dishwasher while I was washing dishes. She had just eaten ice cream with it. I flipped out & grabbed ever single piece of silverware that was in that slot & washed them again. She found it hilarious.

:| Ew milk ring, wtf?

My brother used to do dishes back when I was in high school, so I got in the habit of smelling the glasses when I took them out of the cabinet. I still do it, even though I wash them and I know they're clean.

My dad thinks it's hilarious ;D He's got a picture of me smelling a glass as my caller ID on his phone. :|

Yeah I'm guessing it was a cup that sat with milk in it for a while & all he did was dump it out & put it in the dishwasher & then who ever unloaded the dishwasher didn't check them before putting them away. Now I check them when I take a cup out & then I check it again before I pour anything into it.

Yeah my mom laughs her ass off when i do the dishes. I kind of miss it especially because I'm still learning to coupe with living with my Dad & living in a new state. I think I'd find it funny if my mom had a picture of me smelling a cup as her photo id.

To be fair, I work all day, and my wife doesn't, so I almost never do the dishes, she does them. But I cook. But regardless, he doesn't do the dishes, because he can get away with not doing the dishes. Also, it's a tough reality, but if you're with your parents, either put up and shut up, or move out. That was the option my parents gave me when I lived at home. Their home, their rules, no questions.

But my parents were pretty good about not making me do too much shit.

I get that & I keep my mouth shut. But its getting to a point where I feel like I'm being treated as a maid for Thing 2. If he wants his shoes that are right in front of him he asks me or someone else in the house to get. He had a tantrum because I asked him to put away the dishes one day & he cusses me out & tells me to get out that no one wants me here. I understand it's their rules & all that. I don't mind that. Especially because after working all day Carol does help out. She isn't like dad who comes home sleeps for 5hrs & then complains that dinner isn't ready, that the house is a mess after he just drops his stuff off every where. He doesn't do anything just like Thing 2 & goes on to complain about how he's tired & has to do everything around the house.

I'd get a job (or look at going back to school) and then the. "you're here all day" argument can't be used against you. A chore chart also sounds like a good idea. I moved out at 18 to go to university. I don't think I could ever live with my parents and my sister again. My sister drives me just as crazy and she's 26.

That's what I'm trying to do. I'm suppose to hear back from a company next week about having a second interview. Until I get a job going to school is not an option sadly. If I could afford to live on my own I would have just stayed in California but it's expensive to do that there & my Mom & I were butting heads too much for me to stay there. Though compared to my Dad.... I'd much rather live with my Mom again.