There use to be an advice thread..Not sure where it went.

This may be long but bare with me. I really need some advice and no bashing.



I'm 20 years old married with a son who is 15 months old and another due January 28th. My husband,son and I just made a very big move in September from Alaska to Virginia. We spent tons of money on gas driveing here so we could bring all of our stuff with us. Minus most of our big things. When we got here we were to be staying with my Mom at her apartment for as long as we needed be it 2 months or 2 years. She talked to the apartment owner BEFORE we moved here about putting our names on the lease and the land lady said for her to wait until we got here and decided we were going to be staying,which was fine. But my Mom didn't get that in writeing. So we got here at the end of September and we went over to the office in November to tell her we were indeed staying and would need to stay with my Mom because jobs wernt comeing as quickly as we had liked. My husband had already found a college (ECPI college of Technology) and started going,its an 18 month program so we'd be here until atleast May 2010. We get over to the office,and all my Mom was SUPPOSED to have to do was put our names on the lease as living here and have her water bill increase....No go.

The lady said nope we aren;t allowed to live here and wanted us gone THAT NIGHT. We explained the situation and she gave us 2 weeks until the 2nd week of December we tried our hardest to get jobs and get out on our own..but no such luck. Jobs just aren't comeing we've applied everywhere and now I'm at the stage in my pregnancy where working isn't really an option. So we went over to Virginia Beach Social Service office (the last thing we ever wanted to have to do) to try and get some help to get on our feet. We didn't want a hand out we just need a hand up but because I live with my parents and am under the age of 21 they consider me a child and their dependent..even though I am married and have children of my own. I tried to explain that even though my Dad IS makeing $12,000 a month he wont help us with anything,he'd rather blow his money on alchohol,gambling,smokeing and expensive clothes and food..insted of makeing sure his Daughter and Grandchildren have a roof over their heads. While the lady had sympathy her hands were tied (I understand that) and said she was sorry but we qualify for NO STATE HELP,outside of medicaid. So we can't get food stamps,we can't get TANF,we can't get houseing assitance..NOTHING. We're completely stuck. We have to be HOMELESS (or on our own) before they will give us any of the help that we need. I have no idea what to do...as we have approx 2 weeks and then we'll have no where to live. The lady at SS said this is the worst place to get a job. And we'd move to Maryland where I'm certain things would get easier,but my husband already has $30,000 out in student loans and if he leaves school now we'd have to still pay that back and he'd have no degree to even start to make our lives better.

So I guess I'm just asking for advice from anyone whos been in a similar situation or knows anyone whos has been. I'm extreamly lost on what to do and need some guidence. Please don't think I'm one of those people just wanting to live off of the government help that is not the case we just need the help to get on our feet until my husband is done with school..



so any advice would GREATLY be appreciated. Thank you for takeing the time to read this GOD BLESS and Happy Holidays.

i think maybe you misunderstood what the lady said. you, as a married woman, are NOT a dependent of your parents. in fact, unless you are in school, you are no longer their dependent after the age of 18.
doesnt matter if you live with her or not. if you didnt live with her, the state would not view you as her dependent....if you got into legal trouble, they wouldnt go after her. not since you are over the age of 18, not to mention married.
now, if what you say is true, then the landlady would have to let you live there. because you are a dependent child. your husband, however, might not be so lucky...but then again, if he isnt anyones dependent, he should be able to get the help needed.
do some looking into virginia laws. have that lady tell you exactly where it states you are a dependent child. a married dependent child.

i dont know how it works in the USA but here in UK she's not allowed to do that, she'd need to write you an eviction letter even if your not on the tenancy. Is there a local politician you can ask for advice because they would know how all of this works..... and the laws for your state in this kind of situation, you might even be able to look it up online somewhere.

this is how it would work here:
She writes evictin letter, u take that to the council, they'd probably put you in a bed and breakfast/refuge until a property via the council/goverment became available or they'd help you find somewhere to rent which is avoidable, and help with the deposite/cost of everything....

Here in UK we have a benefit called housing benefit which helps towards the rent.... i dont think you have that in the states?

havnt read your update, but even if your not on the lease, they cannot "wrongfuly evict" you without going to court and giving you 30 day notice

I don't WANT them to file for Eviction because then my Mom loses her place to live too..what kind of daughter would I be if I caused my family to lose their place to live? They were here first they didn't mean for this to happen. The women at the apartment office said she'll file for illegal tenants at the end of the month (December 30th) which gives us 10 days to leave and then she'll file for Eviction against everyone in the apartment.

i don't know how it works over there but can you get your mum to 'disown' you on paper?
in the uk thats what my mum had to do for my sister to be able to get somewhere to live. i think they put her in a bed and breakfast before they homed her/or she stayed with friends, i guess thats not an option for you though.

can he transfer his degree if he has to?

sending some big love right now this is not a nice situation to be in.
xxx

Its the only school that offers the degree that he is going for. The other ECPI colleges of technology in Virginia/North Carolina dont even offer the degree he is going for.

The lady at the Social Services place said that even if they put down "parents not cooperating" as in not helping us it would do us no good because we still live here. But we have no other place to go.

If you are legally married, I don't know how the state can see you as being a "dependent" of either of your parents. Perhaps it depends on Virginia's laws, but that makes no legal sense to me. The only person who could claim you as dependent would be your husband!! Now if your parents still claimed you as a dependent on their Federal Income Taxes, that could pose problem. But if they did, your husband couldn't.

At 20 years old, having children, and being married, I'm just not sure how the state can claim you to be a dependent of your mother or father. You should be able to get some assistance I'd be thinking!

On the other hand, if the state has a law which requires you to be recognized as a "dependent" of your mother, that may be what you need to force the apartment owner to allow you to reside with your mother. Since you are her dependent child...

In the state of Virginia they view anyone under the age of 21 as a child. It even had me list myself as a child on the medicaid form I filled out for myself and Xander. Even though I'm married its how the state views me. So living with my parents and being viewed as a child they have to legally go by my parents income.

that is very incorrect. Since you are married you are a dependent of your HUSBAND. Not your parents. A call to your local SSI office will tell you that. The only way you would be considered a dependent of your parents even if you were not married is if you live at home atleast 9 months out of the year and are in school full time.

It doesn't matter.We live here in this apartment WITH my parents. When fileing for anything EVERYONES income is included it doesn't matter if they're helping us with food,etc. Theres no way to prove we aren't just lieing about them not helping. And we can't just lie about who lives here,that could land us in big trouble.

And on EVERY application at SS it says CHILD for any person under the age of 21 even if you're married.

If you file your own tax returns seperately, you aren't a dependant. Good old google.

You are misinformed -- persons under the age aren't declared "children" but rather, for classification purposes in determining need, the forms ask about dependent children under the age of 21 in reference to being a parent. The are not defining adult as 21, but rather, using information relevant -- if dependent offspring is below a certain age, certain benefits are allocated.

If the State of Virginia truly REQUIRES you to be recognized "as a child" because you are under 21 (regardless of being married) then you probably stand a good chance of causing the land lord to allow you to reside with your mother. The law can't work both ways. If the state demands you be recognized as a child, then you have to be. You should look into Virginia laws in regards to tenant's rights. They might very well demand that the land lord allow your mother's children to reside on the property.

Sounds like Virginia's laws are pretty stupid though if you ask me. If you're married, you're the responsibility of your husband, not your parents. That's how God intended it.

The catch 22 is that on my moms lease it states no more then 4 persons is to reside in this apartment (unless you're visiting which is to extend no longer then 6 weeks) including children under the age of 12 months. And as of right now there is my Mom,Dad,Sister her son,Me my husband and our son,and another which is due next month. And we've been here for almost 12 weeks now.

Ugh. I'm sorry to hear this is all so messed up for you. I'd be pretty frustrated I'm sure. :( Not having been in your situation, I'm not sure what community resources you might be able to seek out. Unless perhaps you have a local Red Cross, or some other kind of organization like that. Perhaps they would at least have some contacts you could start off with, that perhaps could assist you in finding a temporary home or something.

Good luck to you!! God willing, I'm sure things will ultimately work out. Do some praying. :) That has always worked for me.

We're checking all of our resources now. The women at Social Services was nice enough to give us a list of Churches,and organizations in the area who may be able to help. So its a start I just know with all the hard times falling on so many people the help that is out there is being stretched to its limits. Thank you for trying and not judgeing though it really is appreciated

Have you tried going to churches or other agencies that could help? Even if they can't help, they may be able to give you some advice on someone who CAN help!!

I wish you the best of luck, it's tough out there right now... But somehow, someway things always seem to work out!!

We have a list of Churches and local organizations we're going to visit/call tomorrow and see if they can help or point us in the direction of help. Hopefully something comes up,i've worried myself sick over this because I never thought we'd be in this situation.

Goodluck and keep us updated, I have been in a similar sitation myself... it is worrying and especially when pregnant. I cant believe she wont let you stay there! What harm can it do?

I don't know/understand it because that's not how it works here in UK....

Just an update since people asked. We called all the places we were given we're on like 6 different waiting lists for houseing but all the people we called said these lists are extreamly long but since we have kids we'll be bumped up on the list ahead of people who don't. And a few of the other places aren't even accepting names for their waiting lists until January.

I really wish you luck in getting everything sorted...Noone would see you homeless, your Mom especially I'm sure. I'll keep you guys in my prayers xxx

Gosh, this sounds like horrible situation. It always freaks me out how harsh landlords can be. And in this case, it seems like that person is a very heartless landlord. Good luck with the waiting lists, I hope something comes up soon for you and your family. You are in my prayers! *hugs*