Stuff Christians Like: Joking About Sex During Wedding Ceremoniesby Jon Acuff of Stuff Christians Like

Fine, I'll say it: We Christians need to agree to a one sex joke maximum during our wedding ceremonies.

Seriously, let's make that happen today.

I don't know where this started, but I'd like to be part of the solution to stopping it even though it is a very uniquely Christian thing to do. Think about it, if the couple getting married already had sex then what they're going to do on their honeymoon night might be very similar to what they might have done last Tuesday night. Big deal. There's no point in joking about it. It would be like joking about me being awesome at breakdancing. Everyone already knows I do that all the time, so it wouldn’t be funny. But if you've got two virgins up on stage I fear that's a joke opportunity that an increasing number of young ministers are unable to resist.

For example, I was at a beautiful wedding last winter and one of the people officiating the ceremony made about half a dozen sex jokes. The young couple squirmed and blushed while the crowd laughed nervously. The first joke was funny and appropriate. I mean if you're doing a Christian wedding then theoretically joking about sex should kill in that setting. They've never had sex before and by talking about it you get to shock the crowd in a fun way. And so I welcomed the first joke and felt relieved that we had gotten that subject out of the way. In my head I thought, “Great, let's move on to the unity candle, perhaps a three stranded ribbon that represents the man, the woman and God and then eat some cake.”

But this guy kept working the room blue. From "good lovin'" to "what you're going to do later," he was unstoppable. By the sixth sex joke I wanted to stand up in the aisle and shout, "We get it, they're going to do it! Everyone, these two people right here are going to have sex!"

I didn't though because my wife was there and she really hates when I yell things in the middle of weddings. But maybe today you and I can agree to a one sex joke maximum at Christian weddings.

So, did anyone joke about sex during your wedding ceremony? If yes, how did that make you feel? Or if not, how would it make you feel? What are your opinions on this?

I think one's probably the max amount of sex jokes that should be had at ANY wedding.
Generally there's a ton of little/younger kids running around, and no one really wants to hear that.

I would wonder when the knob head was going to stop being said knob head.

I think one during the ceremony is funny - but it depends on the couple. Our wedding didn't have any jokes during the ceremony, but there were plenty to be heard at the reception. We were actually making most of the jokes ourselves. lol. My husband kept telling people to enjoy dinner because at 10:30 we are OUTTA here! lol. I didn't care at all, but that's just my sense of humor. It was a joyous occasion for us so I didn't mind a bit.

We went to another wedding recently where we asked the groom where they were staying that night (there were several nice hotel nearby - I was merely interested). He kept a straight face and said, "Oh, we're actually going to my brother's to play some Monopoly. You wanna come?" We just stood there for a second until we realized he was joking.

dude.... i know people like that... "We're going to my brother's to play some Monopoly"... I know people that would say that and be serious... I think it's a baptist thing... You're not alloud to have sex until you have 10 kids and have been married for 15 years to the same person of the opposite sex. XD at least that's what I was told. :-/

They'd be serious?! lol. No, this couple was most definitely joking, haha. They'd waited a long time.

I'm not baptist or anything so maybe that has something to do with it, but in my circle of non-denominational friends it's usually something we can joke about unless the couple is really prudish or something like that.

LOL Yeah there are a few people who are so prudish they don't have the discovery channel or animal planet because it shows animals "Doing It" ;D I love making them blush by referanceing those two channels. XD. But yeah... baptists are a scary breed of Christian. LOL Nah, a good portion of them aren't that bad. But sometimes you get some of the... what's that word that means the person is too far into it? oh! extremist! lol. but I beleive it's that way with anything. the extremeist i mean, not the sexual stuff. LOL

A baptist thing? I'm baptist and baptists think nothing like that lmao.

I'm baptist. LOL. I know baptist that think like that. :-/

Not the baptists around here obviously.

Yeah, I'm a baptist too, and we don't think like that around here :P.

Definitely not a baptist thing lol.

I really don't think that there should be sexual jokes during a religious ceremony. At all. ever. And during the reception? Maybe a few, but I really don't want to envision ANYONE having sex. Not because I'm prudish. But because I don't want to think about other people having sex. lol

One of my good Christian friends only felt comfortable talking about sex at all after she was married - she saw it as a purity of mind thing as well as of body. But there weren't any jokes at the wedding because I don't think the parents and all the random family members would have appreciated it!

I don't mind a sense of humour, but it shouldn't be done to the extent that the couple feel awkward or embarrassed. That could really put a dampner on the night.

I am not religious at all, and I wouldn't want people making jokes about sex at my wedding!

I'm not a prude, but when it comes ot sex, I'm typically a private person. My sex life is mine, and you can keep yours to yourself tyvm. I mean, I don't flip or get offended or anything, but I don't go out of my way to swap sex stories.

The most I've ever really encountered at a wedding was the reception. It was when one of my brothers got married, and had he had his reception at a hotel. He and his wife were staying at that hotel that night, and when they left the DJ announced something like, "Say good night to the bride and groom! You're not going to see them for a LOOOOOONG time!!!"

Or when my sister got married, and someone asked her what she was going to do on her honeymoon, and she deadpanned, "I'm having lots of S-E-X!!!! But, I don't know what Tony's doing." *Tony is her husband. hehe*

I'VE NOT SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT, BUT AT THE MENNONITE WEDDINGS AND RECEPTIONS I'VE ATTENDED, THERE ARE GENERALLY A FEW SUBTLE REFERENCES TO SEX, IN A SORT OF 'NUDGE NUDGE WINK WINK' TYPE WAY, THAT KIDS WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND BUT ADULTS WOULD. GENERALLY IN THE GUISE OF GIVING GOOD ADVICE TO THE COUPLE, BUT WITH A SLIGHT 'OOH, AREN'T WE NAUGHTY - WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SEX' AIR.

I THINK THE COUPLES TEND TO LIKE IT - BECAUSE THEY HAVE GROWN UP IN A CULTURE WHERE SEX IS A BIG NO-NO, AND THERE IS HUSHED TABOO ABOUT IT, AND NOW, GOSH, ISN'T IT EXCITING - THEY ARE ABOUT TO DO IT, AND THE PASTOR IS REFERRING TO IT APPROVINGLY AND JOKILY AND THEIR PARENTS ARE REFERRING TO IT APPROVINGLY AND JOKILY, SO IT'S ALL OKAY!

THE ONLY WEIRD THING I FOUND WAS THAT WHEN I WOULD ASK NEWLY MARRIEDS WHAT IT WAS LIKE BEING MARRIED, THEY WOULD EYE ME SUSPICIOUSLY AND SAY GUARDEDLY 'FINE', AS IF I WERE SUBTLY ASKING THEM WHAT SEX WAS LIKE! LIKE, GOSH, YO, IF I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT SEX WAS LIKE, I WOULD SIMPLY SAY 'WHAT IS SEX LIKE?' (AND INDEED I DID WITH SOME OF MY CLOSER, LESS-INHIBITED FRIENDS!).

I've never been to a Mennonite wedding, very interesting. I'm very glad though that sex was never treated as something "naughty" in the churches I've attended (well, excluding the Catholic church but those days are over). Sex was always revered as something good and positive, a gift from God - but only within marriage. I sat through a lot of purity sermons in my teenage years in youth group and at summer camps, but after these types of sermons I always felt encouraged to wait, not threatened with fire and brimstone. I think as a result of this I have a very healthy view of sexuality - sex is not bad! It's something I think is worthy of being celebrated at an event like a wedding (depending on the couple, of course).

I honestly have a problem with churches that refuse to teach about sex. If the church doesn't teach what God says about sex, then the media will.

IT WASN'T OVERTLY SAYING THAT SEX WAS NAUGHTY, YO. LIKE IT WAS SENSIBLE ADVICE GIVEN WITH THE HUMOROUS TONE THAT ACKNOWLEDGES THE SHARED UNDERSTANDING THAT ONE IS TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING WHICH IS NOT NORMALLY CONSIDERED POLITE CONVERSATION! TO BE FAIR, THE MENNONITES ACTUALLY HAD COUNSELLING BEFORE GETTING MARRIED, WHERE THE PASTOR TOTALLY TALKED TO THEM ABOUT SEX. BUT STILL IT IS A BIG THING FOR THEM, AND I THINK IT IS MENTIONED AT THE WEDDING TO DISSIPATE SOME OF THE NERVOUSNESS THE COUPLES HAVE ABOUT IT.

I'M CURIOUS - HOW DO YOU THINK SEX SHOULD BE CELEBRATED AT AN EVENT LIKE A WEDDING, YO?

Oh yeah, I totally got what you were saying - I was just talking about how some really really conservative churches DO treat sex like it's naughty. Like I said, I've never been to a Mennonite wedding so I have no idea what their customs are like.

I've heard of some couples who use their wedding as a testimony of purity during the ceremony. Sometimes the pastor mentions it in a non-joking way or refers to it as a gift from God, an act that will bring children, etc. Basically, sex can be talked about it a marriage context because hey - it's a wedding and sex is a big part of getting married when you're a Christian. I've also heard of couples exchanging their purity rings for wedding bands as part of the ring ceremony. I wish we had done this but I'm not that creative!

OH, YES, YO, THAT IS HOW PASTORS DID IT AT MENNONITE WEDDINGS - ALTHOUGH THEY'D MAKE A LITTLE JOKE SOMETIMES, TO MAKE PEOPLE SMILE AND NOT BE AWKWARD ABOUT THE TOPIC OF SEX.

I'VE NEVER KNOWN ANYONE WHO HAD A PURITY RING, YO. I DON'T REALLY GET THE POINT OF THOSE, BUT I REALISE THEY ARE IMPORTANT FOR SOME. BUT THEN IT'S DIFFERENT FOR ME, YO - I'VE GROWN UP ATTENDING VARIOUS DIFFERENT CHURCHES, AND OF COURSE, ONCE YOU'RE A TEENAGER AND A YOUNG ADULT, SUDDENLY YOU GET ALL THE YOUTH GROUP SEX TALKS, YO, ALL ABOUT HOW YOU'RE A YOUNG PERSON AND THIS MEANS OF COURSE YOU GET SEXUAL FEELINGS AND IT'S QUITE NATURAL AND YOU MUSTN'T DENY THE FACT, BUT YOU MUST TAKE IT TO GOD AND ASK HIM TO HELP YOU WAIT - WHICH AS YOU CAN IMAGINE IS JOLLY CONFUSING AND TEDIOUS IF YOU'RE ASEXUAL! LIKE, I THOUGHT FOR AGES I MUST HAVE SECRET SEXUAL FEELINGS THAT I WAS REPRESSING, BECAUSE ALL THOSE HELPFUL YOUTH PASTORS WERE SO BIG ON THE FACT THAT WE ALL HAD SEXUAL FEELINGS AND WE MUSTN'T PRETEND THEY'RE NOT THERE, YO! BUT I'M SURE IT WAS USEFUL FOR EVERYONE ELSE! ;D

Purity rings are more of a public declaration of your intent to protect your virginity until marriage. I had one that was a simple silver band that said "True Love Waits" around it (I think my husband had the same one). People would ask me about it and then I'd get to tell them about my decision. Wearing one doesn't make it easier to not have sex, but it's kind of an outward symbol of your commitment. On my wedding day I gave mine to my little sister.

PROTECT IT FROM WHAT, YO? LIKE 'PROTECT' MAKES IT SOUND LIKE IT'S IN GREAT DANGER. DO YOU REALLY SEE IT IN THOSE TERMS? LIKE, PROTECT FROM YOUR INNER BEAST THAT IS LYING IN WAIT, READY TO HAVE SEX WHEN YOU'RE NOT LOOKING? OR PROTECT FROM YOUR BIG BAD FIANCE? OR YOU MEAN JUST TO SHOW THAT YOU'VE DECIDED NOT TO HAVE SEX TILL YOU'RE MARRIED?

I DUNNO - HOW I SEE IT IS THAT YOU BELIEVE THAT HAVING SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS WRONG, RIGHT? JUST AS YOU BELIEVE THAT STEALING IS WRONG, OR THAT LYING IS WRONG, OR BEING GLUTTONOUS IS WRONG. BUT WHEN YOU BECOME A CHRISTIAN, YOU HAVE SURELY MADE THE DECISION TO TURN AWAY FROM ALL THOSE THINGS YOU THINK ARE WRONG. SO WHY WEAR A SYMBOL TO DECLARE JUST ONE OF THEM? OR INDEED TO DECLARE ANY OF THEM - ISN'T THAT SORT OF BOASTING OF YOUR GOOD WORKS BEFORE MAN? ISN'T IT MORE BETWEEN YOU AND GOD? I AM NOT SAYING THAT TO JUDGE, BUT JUST TO EXPLAIN HOW IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME. I MEAN, PEOPLE WEAR A CROSS TO SHOW THAT JESUS DIED FOR THEM - LIKE THAT'S A SYMBOL REPRESENTING WHAT JESUS HAS DONE, NOT WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. IT IS DRAWING ATTENTION TO JESUS, NOT TO YOU. BUT TO WEAR A SYMBOL SAYING 'LOOK WHAT GOOD THING I'M DOING' DOESN'T REALLY FIT WITH WHAT I UNDERSTAND OF CHRISTIANITY. ESPECIALLY IF IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY HELP YOU WITH YOUR COMMITMENT.

I wouldn't say to protect from an inner beast, lol, and definitely not from my big bad boyfriend or fiance. There is much to say about guarding your heart though, and protecting yourself from worldly influences. Sometimes people choose to stay away from certain magazines, tv shows, or movies because of the heavy sexuality they contain. When you've made such a counter-culture decision based on your faith (in any religion), it is much easier done when you don't allow yourself to become desensitized by your surroundings. Kind of like smokers who are trying to quit - they aren't going to hang out in a smoky bar or bowling alley if it hinders their quitting ability. (Strange parallel, I know, but it makes sense to me anyways...)

If a person wears a purity ring to boast, then I suppose his or her heart is not in the right place. I never saw it that way, especially given that I'd made mistakes in the past. For me, it was simply a conversation starter. A lot of times people would be shocked when they found out what the ring meant, but then I'd have the opportunity to share my faith with them. It was never my intention to save everyone in my high school class - but I was witnessing to them about my beliefs. When the Christian faith is properly explained, there is no self-glorification. It's all about Christ and what HE does in US - not what we do to deserve His grace.

AH - SO YOU MEAN THAT YOU TOOK STEPS TO PROTECT YOUR VIRGINITY, BY STAYING AWAY FROM THINGS THAT MIGHT TEMPT YOU TO HAVE SEX?

I GUESS A RING COULD WORK AS A CONVERSATION STARTER. DID PEOPLE NOT ASK YOU ABOUT THAT SORT OF THING ANYWAY? I FIND PEOPLE ARE OFTEN ASKING MY VIEWS ON SEX - AND VARIOUS OTHER THINGS - BECAUSE THEY KNOW I'M A CHRISTIAN, YO. LIKE IT MAKES THEM FULL OF CURIOSITY. OR MAYBE THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN SO MUCH IN THE US, BECAUSE CHRISTIANITY IS VERY COMMON THERE, SO YOU NEED TO WEAR A RING TO STAND OUT? ALTHOUGH THAT'S WEIRD THAT PEOPLE WERE SO SHOCKED AT WHAT YOUR RING MEANT - DON'T THEY SIMPLY ASSUME THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE A CHRISTIAN YOU DON'T HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE? LIKE THAT IS ONE OF THE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT CHRISTIANITY HERE IN THE UK.

I THINK MAYBE IT'S A CULTURAL DIFFERENCE. IF I WERE TO BE ENGAGED TO SOMEONE, I WOULDN'T NEED TO WEAR A PURITY RING. PEOPLE WOULD ASSUME THAT BECAUSE I'M A CHRISTIAN I'M NOT HAVING SEX. IF I WERE TO WEAR A RING, IT WOULD BE INTERPRETED AS A 'LOOK AT ME - AREN'T I HOLY! I'M ADVERTISING MY CHASTITY!' TYPE THING. I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S HOW BRITS WOULD SEE IT, AND IT WOULD PUT THEM OFF CHRISTIANITY RATHER THAN ATTRACT THEM TO IT. ANY BRITS HERE CAN TELL ME IF THEY AGREE OR DISAGREE, YO!