Ouch, sounds like my ex-husband. Notice, I said EX. Good luck with that! I don't think he'll ever change, sorry!

I've seen a few comments from others and I have to say that I think you guys may have more of a problem than just watching porn. It sounds like your husband is avoiding intimacy with you for some reason that he has not disclosed to you. I would suggest asking to see a marital counselor and trying to work through this together. He's your husband and he should respect your feelings - and saying things like he has to watch porn in order to get turned on to have sex with you? That's def. contributing to your low self esteem, not helping it in ANY way, and it's DEF. not going to help your marriage. It sounds like he has other issues and he's ignoring them.

I look at porn when I'm bored. I also wank when I'm bored. I think a lot of men do the same, and that this type of masturbation is more to get the horniness "out of the way" than that they prefer doing it to having sex with their partner. If he is doing it to get hard before approaching you for sex, I would ask him if he is having trouble getting and maintaining an erection? In all honesty?

In my opinion, the fact that he is looking at these high maintenance, beautiful girls says more about the quality of the porn he is seeking out rather than the types of women he is attracted to. High maintenance pornstars are more likely to belong to high-budget, mainstream film companies, so at least he's not looking at some of the other crap that is out there, THAT is when you'd want to start worrying.

I can also say with all honesty that I have never compared a pornstar to anybody I am dating in real life. It's a completely different ball game. I wouldn't bother looking at porn that reminded me of the sex I was having at home. As an example, I look at a lot of fisting porn, and it turns me on, but I DON'T want to be fisted, nor do I want to fist my boyfriend. It's just a fantasy and I have no intention of acting on it. I can't explain why the frick I look at it, I just do.

I agree with "i ass you", watching porn together can be extremely arousing for both parties. I'm pretty sure that they sell "porn for partners" if you're worried about what might go on in there.

the out of the way thing i totally get lol. for me and for blokes.

What is a "bloke"?

lol, it means a man. it's slang.

Oh, lol. Thank you! LOL

Aha, I'm a girl and I watch porn.
Sheer boredom, or if the mood strikes.
[Is it bad that most of my video watching is of porn?]
The guy I am 'with', watches porn, and makes me highly aware of it. He'll shoo me off to another room so he can wank in peace.
I don't really know the big deal about it.
Everyone needs to get their rocks off one way or another.
Sure, I'm up for the actual act of having sex, but I know that I'm not always in the mood for it, or we aren't in the mood for it at the same time, but I [nor he] is going to just sit there and suffer.

many reasons. means to an end [masturbating] usually. perhaps he has trouble getting in the mood spontaneously so he has to watch porn for a few days and build it up. it doesn't necessarily mean he prefers the women in the porn to you.

i watch porn as a means to an end. it's also a really easy way to get in the mood if i'm watching it with someone else. i read a lot of porn too though. i find my imagination better than film.

men are more visual, as i ass you said, so they're more inclined to want to look at porn to get in the mood. women are not, and coupled with insecurities it can make it very upsetting for a woman. particularly as the bloke can't see why it's a big deal because they aren't seeing another women physically behind your back.

porn's never really bothered me. it's just something guys do. it doesn't mean they're any less interested in me, or sex with me. as long as they don't prefer the porn and wanking to wanting sex with me, then i see no harm in it.

I AM A MARRIED WOMAN WHO LOOKS AT PORN
Ahem. We look at it together. I get a bit upset if he looks at it without me though.

The internet is for porn.....!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbFnH66eGtU

Why you think the 'net was born? PORN PORN PORN!!!!!

Ok so, your husband would rather beat off over porn that be intimate with you? And rejects you even when you're being flirty and trying to be intimate? Yeah the issue here is not the porn, but your husband. The part where you said he has to watch it again for a few more days to be able to have the images in his head to have sex with you? Yeah. I'm thinking he's addicted to porn. He needs help.

I want to say that I agree with you as far as porn not being the issue goes. I mean, he only had 1 video (again, I deleted it & he called me out after doing so), and he doesn't seem to be obsessed with it so far as I can see (then again, he does delete his history quite often, so I guess there's really no way of determining how true that may be). If he was addicted to porn, being that we live together & we're not really secretive with each other, wouldn't there be more signs? Wouldn't he have a lot more videos than just 1 to look at? I wish I knew..

I think he's obsessed with it mainly because he can't go to you for sexual release, he has to get it from porn, and he blows you off for it.

Why do you say that he can't come to me for sexual release? He knows that I will most likely never reject him if and when he approaches me for sex. LOL Forgive me, but I don't think I understand what you're saying. :-/

Well didn't you say that he was always rejecting you when you made advances?

Yes, that is true. You are saying that he is obsessed with porn because he can't go to me for sexual release or that he can't get sexual release by having sex with me, because of his own choices, correct?

My posts are aiming toward the last one, I guess I didn't get them across right lol

LOL. You're ok, I think I understand what you are saying. Ugh, I'm still so unsure about all of it though! I mean, why does he choose the alternative method over the real thing more than 1/2 of the time? Why does he try to guilt trip me? Why doesn't he care about how I am feeling or what I think? :-(

He's just so far into the addiction that he probably doesn't realize how it's affecting everything else. He's stuck in his fantasy world, where everyone is airbrushed and perfect, that he doesn't realize that he has a wife that could do so much more for him than porn ;-D

i have to agree with scarlett's mommy. he must be addicted to porn. i actually saw an episode of true life where a few people were addicted to porn. they were addicted so much that it interfered with their life

Jerking off takes less physical work for a guy than having sex, especially (from what I have read) if he prefers to be in control and be the dominant one. That's no excuse though for him to ignore YOUR needs, including physical and emotional needs and especially the need for intimacy. He needs to realize that his actions are creating a problem. Not just for your self-esteem, but it's creating trust issues, and building up sexual frustration in a woman is NEVER a good thing.

I don't have a problem with my hubby watching porn, but the issue here is not the porn but him ignoring your needs to release by himself.

If your husband takes control of the conversation, try writing out your feelings. He HAS to read everything before responding, ya know? And when you write things down, you can rewrite and whatnot to make sure what is on the paper is what you are trying to say.

"If your husband takes control of the conversation, try writing out your feelings. He HAS to read everything before responding, ya know? And when you write things down, you can rewrite and whatnot to make sure what is on the paper is what you are trying to say." LOL. It's funny you mentioned "writing out your feelings", I do that often, and though he reads my letters, he still doesn't seem to understand or maybe he just doesn't want to listen to me. I get the feeling that by me so much as mentioning to him that I am not satisfied with or that I am concerned and unhappy about that part of our relationship, I think he sees it as "she's trying to take control, & that is a turn off", because he has to have the control or (as he has stated many times) he feels demasculated. Still, that is no excuse to ignore my feelings.

A relationship is suppose to be a 2 way street. It should be about fairness & communication, & willingness to compromise, and I am more than willing to do all of that (keep in mind, I am not saying that I am pefect in any way). I guess my next question to myself & to those who are following this thread is this: how can I get through to my husband about the things that are bothering me, without making him feel "demasculated", or without making him feel that he is losing control?

Talking to him isn't working, writing letters has not been proven to be effective, what else is there? Counseling? I highly doubt that he would ever go for that. As a matter of fact, I know that he would never so much as consider counseling.

Still, I am open to any suggestions. :)

Does he have anyone that he looks up too? Like his dad or a friend? If you are an open family, maybe talk to someone else to back you up while talking to him about it & how it makes you feel. Because it sounds like he is just ignoring you or making it out to be less than what it is when you try to communicate about it. Maybe if a second opinion is thrown into the mix he will wake up & realize it isn't just you being insecure or jealous over porn, it's something that is hurting your relationship.