I know this one WELL.
424 and I could be the same person.

(415) I know i don't know you that well but i need somewhere to stay tonight...
(1-415): who is this?
(415): ******** *****
(1-415): i barely know you, we aren't friends and i don't even know how you got my number
(415): Please
(1-415): no creepface

lmao.

(709): Is my tampon string too long for this dress?

seriously? if you have to ask that question, your dress is prob too short for your tampon string.

(870): Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?

o dear.

870 sounds like a good night!

870 is Arkansas for ya lol

Ah, yes, the people I live near..

(706): I think I'm in Tiajuana
(404): You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
(706): I could be

(678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
(770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

These ones make me particularly happy because I live in the same city as 724.

(724): I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
(724): That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling

(412): Dude, you need to talk to your mom
(724): wtf?
(412): She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you

(724): yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism

(724): And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.

I laughed so hard I snorted at the first and last ones.
What is it with guys and "no homo?"

(651): The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.

hahahaha. i read this as i was trying to blow a bubble and i laughed so hard the gum flew out of my mouth onto the computer!

i was exhaling when i read this, and i started laughing and couldn't breathe for a few seconds. oh my goodness.

hahahahahahaha. i love this site so much!

Ahh that's so mean lol! Circumcision isn't a big thing here, is it common practice in America outside of the Jewish community?

LOL! These are the ones from my area code.

(870): do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
(1-870): well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
(870): what chic?

(870): I don't get it.
(501): Me neither.
(501): But I masturbated to it anyway.

(615): arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life

(870): This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
(573): You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
(870): I wish that would've worked

(870): These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.

i go to the site a lot. some of the things on there are hilarious

fmylife.com is another good one. i'm sure everyone knows about it by now?

I have no idea why this made me laugh, but it did.

(502): I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control

is it just me or do alot of the really funny ones come from Alabama?

(845): It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.

(813): No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.

(518): Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant

(612): he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
(952): Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?

(678): I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.

845 is so true. I hate girls!

AGREED!
I literally have 2-3 girls I can actually stand on a regular basis.
Girls are just awful.

that wine/water/jesus one is from the next area code over.

also,

(702): Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
(1-702): You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.

lmfao. srsly.

(262): Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)

i never heard of this site XD thats amazing! i found a new addiction to Fmylife.com

*to include along with Fmylife.com