I used to have
"PREVENT RAPE, SAY YES" written in liquid paper on my pencil case in high school. Good times.

I read and re-read the punchline like 4 times before I started cracking up. XD

I'm special. XD

A friend of mine used to stay in after hours at work, sometimes we'd give him a call, he'd answer the phone pretending it was an abortion clinic.

E.G
Joondalup Abortion Clinic, you make em we scrape em

Oh there was so many, we spent a whole afternoon one time making them up.

Like... Joondalup Abortion Clinic, you get Laid, we get paid..
Joondalup Abortion Clinic, don't give it a name or it wont feel the same.

It was pretty bad. Damn funny though.

Haha, my brother used to do "Vinnies Vibrators, we put the buzz in your fuzz" xD

until he got my grandma on the other end when he mis-read the caller ID for "Graham" not "Grandma" :-/

No fetus can beat us!

My foster father used to answer "The Thomas' Morgue- you stab 'em, we slab 'em."

Q: Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?
A: God gave him his gas bill.

Q-- What's the best thing about fucking 26 year olds?
A-- There's 20 of them.

Q: What is 18 inches long, stiff and makes women scream at night?
A: Crib Death

Greatest. Thread. Ever.

So these 3 guys are standing by a wall trying to gross each other out by spitting loogies...

The first guy says, "watch this" and hawks a big, thick booger and it sticks to the wall.

Second guy says, "That's nothing" and shoots out this huge, chunky, green snot monster and it slides down the wall.

The third guy says, "Betcha can't top this!" and licks them both off the wall.

HAHAHA

I read that while brushing my teeth. I actually gagged a little. ;/ rofl

What do you get when you cross PMS with a GPS?

A crazy bitch that WILL find you.

I LOL'd for a full minute at this one. xD

LMAO. That's priceless!

LMAO that one is perfect!

Why couldn't Helen Keller skydive?

It was too scary for her dog.

Q: why did helen keller's dog kill himself?

A: you would to if your name was "hmmmgrrrphhh!"

it sounds much better when you say it aloud, grunt

Q: why did helen keller's dog kill himself?

A: you would to if your name was "hmmmgrrrphhh!"

it sounds much better when you say it aloud, grunting noises appropriate :]

I remember when my uncle told me and my friend this while she was driving. She actually laughed so hard that she had to pull over to compose herself ;-D.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?


She was a woman.

"City Morgue: you stab 'em, we slab 'em!"

ah! you beat me to it.

Q: Why did God put men on the earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q: How are women and condoms similar?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

LMAO

Q: Why did God create men first?
A: because you always make a rough draft befor the masterpiece.

Only the Aussies will get thee ones..


Why did Stuart Diver go back to Thredbo?
So he could visit his FLATMATES.

What do you call a kindy bus outing at Ayers Rock?
Meals on wheels.

When Peter Brock got to the Pearly gates....steve irwin turned to saint peter and said....."crikey mate....i said I wanted a CROC...not A BROCK!!!"