Thanks, I'm glad we can agree on something ;). I didn't have to listen to Dr. Phil (lol) to have common effing sense!

I guess it just bothers me that people in my age group (I'm 24 btw) and younger have this ridiculous sense of entitlement. It's always, "I'm not a minor so I should be able to do what I want! If I want to come home at 3am I should be able to!" WRONG. My parents told me that if I wanted to come home at 3 in the morning it's not going to happen under their roof. So, I moved out for college (It was like 80 miles away from my parents house anyway) and decided I liked the freedom so much I was not going to move in with them after I finished my degree. Even when I made freakin' $7.80/hr and worked 26 hours a week while going to school FULL TIME (I worked 4 days a week and went to school 4 days a week [14 credits]) I was able to pay for my own rent. The key here is called: ROOMMATES. Get someone to split the rent with you and it's not too bad.

I guess the whole point of this LONG reply is that there are going to be rules ANYWHERE you live. While there may not be curfew rules once you leave your parents house, there will be rules from your landlord. If you sign a lease that says Kegs are not allowed to be on your property and there will be no 'keg parties,' and you're caught with a Keg on your property...if you get served with eviction papers you cannot complain that you're '21 and legally allowed to drink so you should be able to have a keg if you want!' It's just the way it is. If your parents are nice enough to let you live with them and NOT require any rent or utility payments you need to respect and follow their rules. Don't like it? Move out. Get a 2nd job at freakin' McDonald's if you 'can't make it.'

DAMNIT! lol.

WHEN YOU HAVE A STUDENT LOAN TO PAY, ISN'T IT JUST A PERCENTAGE OF YOUR EARNINGS THAT THEY TAKE? I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN NOT AFFORD ANY RENT AT ALL, WHEN YOU ARE WORKING FULL TIME, UNLESS THE AMERICAN SYSTEM TAKES A HUGE PERCENTAGE OF YOUR EARNINGS. PHONE BILLS AND GAS MONEY ARE THINGS YOU CAN CONTROL TO A LARGE EXTENT.

BUT YES, IF YOU WERE PAYING RENT TO YOUR PARENTS, YOU'D HAVE MORE RIGHTS. PERHAPS THAT IS WHY THEY DON'T ASK RENT. THEY WANT TO STILL HAVE SOME CONTROL ON YOUR FREEDOM. THIS IS OFTEN A DILEMMA IN LIFE - YOU EITHER SUPPORT YOURSELF WITH GREAT FINANCIAL STRUGGLE BUT FREEDOM TO COME AND GO AS YOU PLEASE, OR YOU DEPEND ON SOMEONE ELSE AND THEY CAN HAVE SOME CONTROL ON YOUR FREEDOM.

REBELLION PROBABLY WON'T GET YOU ANYWHERE - THEY'LL SEE YOU EVEN MORE AS A CHILD NEEDING TO BE CONTROLLED. YOU COULD TRY TALKING TO THEM, BUT EQUALLY THEY MIGHT NOT BE WILLING TO COMPROMISE.

SO THEN YOU HAVE THE CHOICE OF MOVING OUT AND STRUGGLING TO MAKE YOUR OWN WAY (MAYBE QUITTING STUDYING AND WORKING TWO OR THREE JOBS TO SUPPORT YOURSELF) OR STAYING AT HOME, CONTINUING WITH YOUR STUDIES, AND MAKING SACRIFICES IN TERMS OF FREEDOM.

Puck - I agree with you! I really don't understand how anyone working full-time cannot afford to pay any rent! I'm studying and working too, so I'm a bit confused about the whole situation?!

If they are garnishing from checks, they can take as much as 50% of your check to pay for the past due loans. But that is only if you haven't made arrangements with them (which you can do) and they are garnishing from your checks.

AND OUT OF CURIOSITY, WHEN YOU SAY YOU DO ALL THE HOUSEWORK, DO YOU LITERALLY MEAN ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING? DO YOU DO YOUR PARENTS' LAUNDRY? DO YOU MAKE MEALS FOR THEM? DO YOU MOW THE LAWN, DO THE GROCERY SHOPPING, ORGANISE THE FAMILY ACCOUNTS, ETC? (I SAY THIS BECAUSE 'ALL THE HOUSEWORK' IN REALITY INCLUDES A LOT MORE THAN THE THINGS YOU'VE LISTED. VACUUMING, DUSTING AND MOPPING FLOORS IS ONLY A VERY SMALL PERCENTAGE OF WHAT HOUSEWORK INVOLVES. SO POTENTIALLY YOUR PARENTS COULD BE DOING A LOT OF BEHIND-THE-SCENES STUFF THAT YOU DON'T REALISE AND JUST TAKE FOR GRANTED.)

Wow, this is unacceptable. You need to talk to them about this.
You're not a child any more and they have no right to treat you like this.

THEY ACTUALLY DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO TREAT HER LIKE THIS, BECAUSE OF THE VERY FACT THAT SHE IS AN ADULT AND SHE IS LIVING UNDER THEIR ROOF FREE OF CHARGE. SEE, BECAUSE SHE IS NOT A CHILD ANY MORE, SHE HAS NO INHERENT 'RIGHT' TO LIVE IN HER PARENTS' HOUSE. THEY HAVE HAVE ALLOWED HER TO DO THIS, IN RETURN FOR CERTAIN THINGS WHICH THEY EXPECT FROM HER. SHE HAS THE CHOICE TO ACCEPT THE CONDITIONS OR TO MOVE OUT. SHE MAY TRY NEGOTIATING WITH THEM, BUT SHE HAS NO 'RIGHTS' WHERE THIS IS CONCERNED - SHE IS DEPENDENT UPON THEIR GOODWILL.

I completely agree, Lady Puck. If you don't like the rules set forth by your landlords (in which case, that's what these parents are), then you move out. OTHERWISE you abide by the rules REGARDLESS of whether or not you are related to the people involved.

How frustrating! XD.

WELL, THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS LIKE, YO, ONCE YOU GET INTO THE BIG BAD WORLD OF ADULTHOOD! ;D A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T EVEN GET THE OPTION TO LIVE WITH THEIR PARENTS, SO SHE HAS MORE OPTIONS THAN MANY.

Yeah, that is totally lucky ;)

Once again, Lady Puck speaks much wisdom ;)

I'm almost 24 in 2days and i still live at home.Matter of fact my bfs moving in here next yr till we have more money to move out in 2yrs.It's not so bad sometimes.

I've had friends who have still had curfews after they were legally 'adults', but personally I think it is ridiculously. The whole 'its our house and our rules' thing is understandable, but there is definitely some attachment issues if parents can't trust their kids to be out past 10pm at 21 years old. It sounds like your parents really need to recognize that you're an adult and can make your own decisions, as long as you're respectful when you get home there is no reason you shouldn't be allowed out as late as you'd like. If its simply because their worried about your well being, well then that's very kind of them, but I think there comes a time when all parents of young adults need to put that constant fear/worry aside and recognize that their kids aren't kids anymore. It definitely sounds like the problem is your rents, not you. If they don't respond to a mature adult conversation, than I'm not sure what else to do! Even when I was a teenager I was allowed out till at least midnight on weekends...I usually stayed out as late as I wanted though, so by the time I was 18 my mom knew to just give up ;).

omgwtf, before the grammar nazis get me....'they're worried' not 'their worried' lol

Sheeshes, I wouldnt complain too much. The year and a half after my HS graduation that I still lived at home, I was working alittle over the part time cut off - but I still paid my parents rent, had "chores" that included cleaning and cooking, I paid on top of the rent $40 a month towards food alone (anything other then food I had to buy on my own), my car insurance, gas, pager (didnt have a cell at the time, but then again this was over 10 yrs ago) and then if I had anything left over to go out and do things.

Its their house, they get to set the rules, even if tech you are an adult.

I should say though that I had a very reasonable curfew on the nights I wasnt working.

Amen..

I'm 24 and still living with my dad.... That is... until this friday when i move out :)

The way i see it, if you're not from Michigan, then you're not really going to get the kind of job market and economy that we have right now. I apply for jobs left and right in my area, and some even outside my area if it pays enough. Yet i havent gotten a single call back from any of them. I dont even know how half the people that live in michigan even survive and get by with the jobs they have. I was working full time at a factory, doing back breaking work, 40 hours a week.... For MINIMUM WAGE. People usually go to factories because they pay a little more then regular jobs, due to the strenuous nature of the work. They knew they could get away with paying people minimum wage, because jobs here are so scarce, to even have one makes you lucky. Even when i was working at blockbuster, i couldnt afford to live on my own. a 1 bedroom apartment around here is like... 380-475, which is pretty steep in the economic state we're in. At blockbuster i was making about 500-520 a month, and even with the lowest cost, i'd be paying rent, and have enough for maybe 3 bills at the most. And that doesnt even account for food, gas, or anything of that nature. How is a person supposed to be able to move out, when the market these days is clearly not in favor of the youth.

My dad never made me pay rent, do chores, or anything like that. The only thing i had to pay, is gas in the car to use it to get to and from work. I have a 21 year old sister that still lives at home as well, and she doesnt pay rent either. She cleans every once in a while, which pisses everyone off. Why? Say i have a stack of papers on the table that i have to turn in to my army recruiter the next morning... If she see's it laying around, she'll either throw it away, or stuff it somewhere. Then when you ask her about it, its "I don't know, you shouldn't leave your stuff laying around anyway."

And for all the people that just leave the "Their house, their rules" comments, you're not really giving any viable input.

My input is that you parents are totally bat shit crazy, because the parents role in a child life is to guide them, not to control them. After a certain point, the parents have to realize that they need to take a backseat in the childs life, and let them make their own accomplishments and their own mistakes. I'm not saying that you dont have to do chores or anything like that, because you should still do that, because that still gives you structure, and also it makes them happy. Let them know that not having a curfew would mean that you'd be out at all hours of the night, each and every night, its about having the freedom to do so. To call home and say "Hey, the girls and I are going to head over to so-and-so's house, and i might not be home until around 1 or so."

If you live in South Eastern Michigan, i'll come over there and talk to them myself. :P

Bah, this place needs and edit button...

"Let them know that not having a curfew wouldn't mean that you'd be out at all hours of the night, each and every night, its about having the freedom to do so."

But all in all, it IS their house, not hers. And if they want to set a curfew for her, and refuse to adjust it, her only option is to move out. She's already said she's tried talking to them about it. If you don't like their rules, and they won't negotiate a change in their rules, move out. Thus, THEIR house THEIR rules, or LEAVE.

The thing is, if the person is as responsible and willing to keep up on chores, and other things around the house, why give the restriction of having a 10pm curfew? What if she was say... 28? or 30? And the parents still said that she had to home at 10?

After a certain age, a curfew shouldn't be incorporated as a "house rule", as long as the person is going out drinking and doing drugs or getting into mischief. She has a job, she's paying her bills and keeping out of trouble, im just not seeing the point of giving an ADULT a curfew. I'm not going to say they're being "Sadists" but i am saying that theres an overlying control issue that her parents have to deal with. Or else you're going to be 30, still living at home, and still have a 10pm curfew.

It kind of seems that they're the kind of parents that, even when you move out, they'll require you to call them everyday at some point. And if you're 21, and you're still getting answers like "Because i said so" from your parents, something is wrong.

And BrotherJim, why shouldn't she listen to me? Nothing i've said was out of line, or would be disrespectful to the parents. Being a parent myself, maybe not of a 21 year old, but down the line if my son is still living at home, as long as he's responsible, i dont see a reason for him to have a curfew.

The fact still remains that if she doesn't like their rule, and they won't change it, she can either deal with it or move out because it IS their home, and those ARE their rules. Don't like it? Leave. There is nothing that can be said to them to make them change their minds if everything has already been said. It doesn't matter that she SHOULDN'T have a curfew at her age (btw, up until I moved out before I turned 19, I had an 8pm curfew...which is why I moved out), the only thing that matters is that in THEIR house they have that rule, and if they won't change it for WHATEVER reason, she can either abide by it or move out. Those are the only options if the parents refuse to negotiate that rule.

Don't listen to anything this guy says....and if you came over to my house I can surely tell you what would be hitting you in your hind quarters.

As soon as I had a full time job (16 years old), I paid 'board' to my parents. And if I ate anything other than what they bought in the groceries (which was very much staple foods), I had to buy those too... so basically my lunch foods or if I wanted anything other than toast or weet-bix for breakfast. I was also expected to keep my bedroom tidy, plus help with the washing, the cleaning and the cooking. I left home at 17 after they kicked me out and you know what - if it wasn't for them making me pay that, I think I'd have gotten a real shock to the system in the "real world". Oh I paid $90 a week.

I moved interstate for a while and then moved back to this state, and stayed with my parents for a short term arrangement until I had settled in to full time employment and found a house for me, my dog and my cat. This arrangement included me paying $100 a week for me and my dog to stay there with them (my cat couldn't, I was paying $90 a week for him in a cattery). If I wasn't paying the expense of the cattery, then I would have had to pay more money for board. This covered the same as when I was there when I was younger. And I WASN'T working full time, It was prearranged and I had to save for it as part of my move.

Brother on the other hand... has worked full time since he was 15... he has paid $70 a week since he was 18/19, and that covers any food he wants, and his board and internet. They even fork out money on HIS child with that. He's 22 this year and showing no signs of moving out. My dad still manages my brothers money and bank accounts and I wouldn't be surprised if they wiped his ass for him.

As for curfew... when I was 16/17 mine was that if I wasn't home by midnight, then don't come home till morning. No one is woken up, no one is disturbed. It worked well enough for me. When I came back for those 6 weeks they asked me to be home at a reasonable enough hour, or to at least be quiet. Was difficult though with their front door right next to their bedroom. As I was just starting new job/new life I didn't really go out partying so they were never disturbed by me. My brother never has had a curfew and happily turns up drunk at 3am banging on the door waking the whole household (and probably neighbourhood) up.