Hence, proving my point that kids don't necessarily feel all hurt and betrayed just because they've been smacked (as Tommy is trying to claim they do).

However, it does definitely sound like smacking was not the best method of discipline for you! I still think it very much depends on the individual child though.

I really don't know how my mum didn't kill me! I just used to laugh and her and scream that it didn't hurt and I didn't care! Me and my sister thought it was a form of entertainment!

I give my 2 yr old daughter a slap on the leg when she has been told something over and over not to do that could possibly hurt her much worse than a smack on the leg. I think at a certain age it is appropriate. My daughter got her hand smacked starting at about 10 mo, but it wasn't even what I would consider a smack. It was to stop her from pulling something off on top of her, or grabbing another little one's face to prevent from scratching them.

I have raised 2 sons, whom are teenagers now. I have used spanking since early on for certain things. Call it what you want but BOTH of my sons have a HEALTHY fear of God and Dad in them. And they will be the FIRST to tell you that themselves.

Also, let me add that NEITHER of my sons have ever been in a fight, been aggressive to other kids, nor been in any major trouble. They get good grades, do just about anything you ask of them, and are all around amazing kids.

=)

is there such a thing of a healthy fear?
I was never smacked. ever. I don't fear my dad, and instead did as I was told out of love and respect that my dad was saying XYZ because he loved me and knew whats right for me. out of his want for safety for me or whatever. I couldn't imagine being afraid of my own dad in case he smacked me! thats horrible!!

I believe in a healthy fear. When I was young my parents used to spank me. I was such a horrible child, I made babysitters run away crying ;). For that, I would get a spank because it's hard to find someone that would babysit me. It worked on me though, because eventually I knew that if I did something wrong, dad would come home and let me know I did wrong! I have nothing but love and respect for my dad, because I know he loves me, respects me and didn't WANT to hurt me. I was one of those kids that just WOULDN'T listen.

Eventually I grew up though, and the spankings had to stop. At one point, I remember my dad approaching me to spank me and I threatened to run away and never come back. I think they realized that that was the time for them to stop spanking me, or I would forever resent them. Because they never spanked me again. It was time for more grown up punishments.

Granted I was kind of a screwed up child in high school. But that had nothing to do with my parents spanking me. It was more-so my social awkwardness and being made fun of all through elementary school by the other kids.

I have read a lot of your replies and I do agree with you to point. Some kids don't deserve the spankings they are given, but I guess if that's how a person wants to raise their child, that's how they'll do it. As for ME, when I decide to have a child. I will do everything in my power not to resort to spankings. They worked on me, but I'd rather not risk losing the love and respect of my child :)

Yes, there IS such a thing as a healthy fear. There is a line that EVERY parent has to draw that the child must know they cannot cross. Crossing that line means consequences. Those consequences can be whatever works best for your child. Some kids can get by with nothing more than a timeout, others require more. It's your job as a parent to find what works for your child.

Everyday, I see kids who were raised with NO fear of the rules or the consequences that come from breaking them.

A perfect example that spanking DOES work is that little shit bag from Ohio that got cained over in Singapore. I bet his butt doesn't even pick up a damn CRAYON now.

My parents would explain things too. But I didn't care about the explanation. I just wanted what I wanted. And would do anything to get it. Lol.

I don't remember ever being scared of my patients just because I was smacked very occassionally.

You wait... soon someone will be telling you that they only do all of that out of fear. ;)

Seriously though, sounds like you've done a great job. And I've yet to see any evidence that smacking correlates with violence as an adult.

They can say what they want, it's ok. I know that I was successful in raising TWO sons that not only are not aggressive or violent in today's world, but ones that have ambitions to help others.

I was spanked as a child, hell my parents had a WOODEN PADDLE that I am sure they got on some vacation somewhere [It had coating on it so it wasn't the actual wood hitting you] that was up until I was at least 7 years old, [they left that thing in NY when we moved] I never liked that my parents thought that spanking was okay to do when your bad, none of my friends got spanked as kids, and they are all okay. I have some bad memory's of being spanked even say sometimes for things that I didn't even do! I think a hard slap on the wrist works just as good as a spanking. My little brother does just fine with a slap on the wrist or a loud raised voice when he does something wrong. I call him "my experiment child" because thats what he is to me and he's doing just fine. I think my parents really lacked when it came to talking to me or giving me options when I was younger because they saw "spanking" was saving us from the devil according to the bible? I do on to Jeremiah as I would have liked them to do to me. So far I haven't seen him biting his toe nails or picking up love bugs since I have raised my voice at him the times I have seen him do those. The slap on the wrist happens when he is hitting me, throwing stuff at me or when he was younger spitting.

My dad IS John Mcclain. If he had laid a hand on me, he might have killed me, yo! I don't think it is EVER OK for a man to spank a child.

So are you saying it's only okay for a woman to spank a child or neither?

I'd hate to see a woman spanking a child, but I'd be more forgiving of her than if I saw a man do it!

What is the difference? I am just interested because it seems like most are either on one side or the other, nobody that is really on middle ground.

WHY, YO? BECAUSE YOU ARE A HORNY MAN WHO LIKES WOMEN FOR SEXUAL REASONZ, OR BECAUSE YOU HAVE AN ACTUAL LOGICAL REASON? ;D

I don't think there is a logical reason!! haha!! It's probably a chivalry thing. Like, I don't think women should have to carry heavy things when there are men around. There's not really a logical reason behind that, other than I personally don't think it looks right. But seriously, if I see a woman smacking their child I think "What a bitch! Why can't she restrain herself?" If I see a man doing it I think "You are a disgusting human being! You don't deserve kids!" I have a friend, Luke, who ALWAYS intervenes when he sees a man smacking kids. He's quite a big guy, so he just steps in and says "What the hell are you doing!?" He's even reported people for it. I'm sure women are capable of doing just as much damange as men, but it seems so much more vicious when it's a man initiating the physical contact, yo!

My 2, 3, and 4 year olds are VERY well behaved, respectful children.. and they have NEVER been spanked. We do not use pyshical punishment in our house at all. We've never felt the need to. Enough said. :)

I think that spanking and smacking are two different things. Spanking is hitting something without much force, whereas smacking is hitting something with force behind it. In my opinion it can be done another way. Many people have said spanking is a last resort but it doesn't have to be. Simply sticking with a method such as repeatedly placing them in time out will work. Eventually (maybe several hours) it will work and the child will give in, it may be tiring but I have seen it work. I personally dont have any children, but when I do they will never be spanked or smacked. Putting your hands on someone else other than in a loving manner is not the answer.

Yes it may be tiring, but if it works I'd rather have the patience to persevere with time out than raise a hand to my child in anger. At the end of the day, there's something fundamentally wrong with the concept of raising your hand to someone out of love... it just does not, on any level, make sense...

I think it's actually a British-American difference. Brits don't generally use the term 'spanking'. It's an American term. We say 'smacking' and it means the same as when you use 'spanking'. It certainly isn't used (by Brits at least) to describe hitting with force.

ok am i the only one that thought of this in the sexual way when they saw the title on the front page? god how my mind has been warped.

i was spanked as a kid. it was a last resort. it never really hurt either, it was just enough of an impact to make me go "oh shit, whatever i did was obviously not cool", that and it was more the threat that got me to stop doing whatever i was doing. the three times i did get spanked i was being a right shit head and deserved it. it didn't fuck me up. i think. i think plenty of other things have, but not spanking haha. the one i actually remember clearly was that i drew all over one of my dad's work books and wouldn't say sorry, i'm pretty sure i called him something i shouldn't have either. uh oh. ;D

my parents used other methods before spanking though, and i probably would too. i don't really want to have to strike my child, and i would prefer not to, but i would be ok with using it as a last resort.

It sounds like you were spanked in a pretty acceptable way, but I don't want to ever have to strike my future children either. I think an occasional spanking is fine as a last resort when a child deserves a harsh punishment, but what really irks me is when parents are too lazy to use other methods of discipline and manly just spank or yell to correct their child. I don't think I was ever really spanked, but the threat was used. I think if I ever threatened Payton with a spanking she'd just look at me like 'wtf are you talking about? you don't do that!' lol. Time outs work just fine with her in my house, and as you know she is an angel for Matt and I whereas she is a hellion for her spank happy parents. I know what works with some kids won't work for others, but more or less I think all parents should try to avoid spankings unless it is completely necessary and nothing else is working...even then I think they should be used sparingly.

Oh no, I was right there with you on the title thing.