in a recent entry i read on bloop spanking was brought up. which i thought would make for a good discussion.

spanking? yes? (if so what age is an ok age to start spanking?) no? maybe so

discuss please.

I don't believe in spanking. I've only been spanked once by my dad and after he saw what it did to me, he never did it again.

I believe that spanking really hurts self-esteem. There are effective punishments that don't involve anything physical. Such as time-outs (you have to really put them to good use, not just send them to their room for a specific amount of time-wait until they're ready to talk then come in and talk to them about it-I had quite a bit amount of time-outs and my parents always waited until I was ready to talk)

If he could see physical signs of spanking then its not spanking... its a beating.

I meant that after what my dad saw how spanking affected me emotionally, he never did it again. He didn't leave a mark.

I believe that spanking really hurts self-esteem. It's supposed to. All punishments are. It's less about the physical pain than it is the fact that you know you were wrong. It's supposed to bring down your self-esteem, so you don't think you can do what you're told not to.

There are effective punishments that don't involve anything physical. Such as time-outs.. Agreed. And time-outs should be used - in addition to spanking. There should be a tier of punishments, not just spanking for everything. And spanking should be near the last thing you do, time outs close to the first.

spanking is a healthy form of punishment. Purely using time-outs gets the point across that you don't want them doing what they did, but I don't think it will help much when they get older and a time-out doesn't mean much anymore. It is when they are older that spanking really affects kids, in my opinion, and if you don't implement it from the get-go, you'll have a hard time getting them to cope with it at a later age.

How old were you when your dad spanked you?

I was smacked a lot, because I was a little bastard! My parents have told me the stories and gosh, I was indeed a little fucker!
But I agree with it. I was a naughty child, so my parents disciplined me. I was the type to go 'ner ner ner-ner ner' if my parents yelled at me. And I have grown up to be reasonably well adjusted (I hope!), and I have good parental relations.
I will definitely smack my child if they do anything to deserve it. Although since working at a nursery, I have learnt how to verbally bargain with a child, so I'd only smack if all else failed.

"I will definitely smack my child if they do anything to deserve it" SMACKING is different than spanking. If you think it's ok to smack a child just because you can't get them to obey you, you have a hard & harsh lesson comin'. You don't "smack" your child just because you can't gain control of them as their parent... that is just fucked up.

I'm sure if you read through the thread you will realize that it is generally an American thing to use the term "spanking" and a non-American thing to use the term "smacking". So for the purposes of this thread, and when taking into consideration the varying nationalities of the people responding to it, the two words "spanking" and "smacking" are synonymous and those who use the term "smacking" are not using it in the way Americans have come to understand it.

Oh, ok. I'm sorry for the misinterpretation. Thanks for filling me in on that. =) :D :D :D

I see Lavender Breeze already explained. Oops.

What you said!

'Smacking' is just the British term for spanking. Brits don't say 'spanking' we say 'smacking'.

i dont agree with it...

long stories - such as it lead to far after spanking, slapping, hitting came to the point ill be buirsed up.. i think theres better way to discpline kids but i know its not easy

I believe in spanking, and I also believe there a line between spanking and beating that should never be crossed. Bruises, scratches, etc. should NOT be left after a swift spanking. I only got ONE real spanking and it was enough to straighten me up (I quite deserved it too, I put on my "heels" and danced on my mom's car and scratched it alllllll to heck)! I don't believe in using belts or paddles or anything of the sort, however. My grandparents used to use hickory's (hickory sticks) to spank us/slap us on the legs and that was crap! While I think that time outs and taking away toys, etc. is the first thing to be done in discipline, it is my experience with some children that those things just DON'T work. I also think it's okay to give a kid a smack on the bottom/hand at times to keep them in line.

I agree with Lauren. There is a difference between spanking & BEATING. I dont see anything wrong with swatting a child on the butt, or smacking their hand. My parents never, ever spanked my brother or I as children. I do think that if a child is uncontrolable they should be swatted. Time out doesnt work all the time, believe me! :)
I think that the child has to be old enough to be spanked. Its not right to spank a child that is 1 yr old. They dont fully understand their surroundings. A child that is 2, and can interact with you & talk back, yes.

Nooooo i love and respect my daughter too much to spank her.
plus how can i teach that hitting is bad if I hit myself? it boggles my mind when the little boy next door hits my daughter and then his mum comes over and says 'no hitting' and whacks him one.... i mean what?!! one rule for one and one for another?

I doubt i'll feel different in the future, but my daughter is only 19 months right now. we use distraction, redirection and reasoning (as far as you can with a toddler... ie explaining 'dangerous' etc) for the moment, we may move onto time out(or 'time in') if its appropriate in the future.

I don't think you should hit anyone, as November Butterfly stated, how you can you expect your children to know that violence is wrong when you inflict violence upon them if you are a parent that uses hitting as a method of punishment. Thats like teaching a child that stealing is wrong and stealing yourself. You don't hit other people's children or your colleagues at work, why do it to your children?

I don't buy that argument. I was smacked as a child, and I've never been a violent person. It was quite clear to me that there was a difference between smacking as a punishment and violence, which was wrong.

Personally I'm not completely against smacking, but not completely for it either. I think it's better to use alternative techniques, but I accept that smacking may have a role too, in the appropriate age group.

The only thing I'm going to say on this topic (and once I'm done I won't be back to this thread) is that spanking should not be done in anger because of the potential for it to cross the line into a beating, only done with the hand and no other object, and leave no bruises. It should also only be used as a last resort when other methods do not work.

Ooh well said!

i personally think spanking is lazy parenting. they'd rather have a quick fix, instead of talking, explaining, and/or using time outs

No way! My parents tried everything on me, EVERYTHING, and nothing worked. My mom would put me in the hall for a time out and I would yell and scream and kick hell out of the door. My mom often said I drove her to tears. They definitely tried everything before smacking me. Apart from once when I got caught drawing on the wallpaper ;D

You sound quite like my little cousin. He had time outs, toys taken away, he was sent in his room to 'cry it out', ANY punishment you can think of was tried and it DIDN'T work. Heck, half the time SPANKING doesn't work on this kid! This was when he was 3-5, now that he's nearly 7 he's almost grown out of it, thank God.

I don't believe in beating your kid, but I believe in giving him/her a smack once in a while. I work for my cousin who has 16 month old twins. Let me tell you, talking does not always do the trick. Especially when they're at the age where they're getting into everything. And they look at you while they're doing it after telling them countless times not to do it. A direct look telling them no and a smack on the hand or the leg will teach them faster than doing nothing.

but what happens when the smack stops working? hit them harder?
Gentle discipline, if done properly works just as well. at 16 months they might not know what they are doing is wrong, there for its better to teach them, distract them, and redirect them (ie no you can't do this here.... but you can do it in the garden) if that goes alongside with realistic expectations and changing the environment to be a yes baby-friendly environment...eg if you've said no countless times then move the object. or move to another room.
There should be no need to smack.