Long story short: I'm trying my hand at online dating sites (specifically: Plenty of Fish).

The question I have is this -- is my status as a virgin something that I should disclose to potential dates? If yes - what is the good time for this?
And if anyone has any general advice about meeting people on dating sites, I'd love to hear it. I'm searching more for serious relationships than casual ones. Please, if you could, refrain from making rude comments about people who use the internet to meet people for dating.

Hm. While I do think that it's something that needs to be discussed, but not as an opener. I don't think ppl who aren't srs about knowing you need to know about your virginity. When you feel a certain person is worth your time, then I'd bring it up. Someone you have chemistry with, someone who cares about you as a person, not just for sex.

I've never used a dating site but I have dated ppl online and I'm always wary about online at first. Follow your instincts: if someone makes you feel weird, don't just shrug it away, it could save you a lot of trouble and potentially your life.

I personally don't think it makes any difference whatsoever. It's none of their business at all, and if you choose to part with your virginity, then it's your choice alone.

@ Anonymous - That's my concern, really, about whether it's something I should mention at all. I've been under the impression that it was something I had to warn people about, but now I'm concerned that I'd be better off not even bringing it up.

@Aubrey: Why would you have to "warn" someone? If someone is that shallow about it, perhaps it's not the right person to be talking to.

@Anonymous - because it's expected that most people my age have already had sex, and since I'm not "the norm" I just kind of thought it was something that bared mentioning. Especially since it means I'm not going to follow the usual line of dating (i.e.: sex won't come for a long time)
I don't know, honestly, because I'm still trying to understand the proper protocol when it comes to dating - hence asking for advice to figure out if I'm the one doing stuff wrong (which it appears I am with that "reveal").

I agree with Anon Source. It's not a defect of which people need to be warned beforehand. And gosh, the guys you meet will have plenty of genuine defects of which they will not warn you! You can bet several of them do stinky farts, and they won't be putting that on their profiles - and you may well have reason to wish you'd been warned beforehand of that! Everyone has defects, and generally they don't advertise them on a dating site! But virginity is not a defect. It's simply a piece of personal information - private to you, like your menstrual cycle (and like your menstrual cycle, may become relevant once you are in a close relationship - but is not relevant right away, and not really appropriate to share either).

And I also agree with Pagan - there are weird people out there, and you need to protect yourself. Personal things can come up once you're in a relationship, when you have got to know someone and trust them. It's not a secret like 'Oh, by the way, I've been married before', which understandably might cause a guy to say 'Er... why didn't you tell me??'

Also, you want to get to know someone as a friend first, rather than talking about sex straight away - and talking of virginity is basically talking about sex. I know I've said this before, but I would wait until you know them and trust them enough to want to have a physical relationship with them. And don't feel you have to apologise or give reasons for this being a long time. Lots of women prefer to go slow in relationships, regardless of whether they're a virgin - especially with online dating, as it's common knowledge there are creeps and predators out there and so women should be careful. Set your own boundaries with no apology - make it clear that men have to respect them or they can bugger off!

(Also, like, some men might be rubbish in bed, and so they want a virgin because they can convince a virgin that their performance is normal! You don't want to encourage men like that! ;D)

@ Estella - Well, I do understand the wanting to find someone as a friend first. The problem is that 90% of men that I've spoken to HATE the idea of being friends with a girl before dating her. I don't know. Like, if I could find somebody to date the way *I* want to, then I would, but this is really my only option right now, so I'm doing the best I can with it.

I wouldn't bring it up right away, because that would almost seem like you are 'advertising'. I would wait until you've been talking to the person for a while before bringing it up, or better yet, wait for them to ask.

And I wouldn't worry about using a dating site too much. Obviously you have to be careful, but my friend met a guy on one of them (I think it was actually Plenty of Fish, now that you mention is), and he turned out to be a pretty cool guy. They didn't work out as a couple, unfortunately, but he is still a good friend.

@Poetic - yeah, I've met one guy off the computer so far, and he and I are friends, since dating didn't work for us.

Thanks for the advice, though. It looks like I've been doing it wrong!

It's totally different than dating in the offline world, so there is a bit of a learning curve. I'm sure you'll get it, though! Good luck!

I wouldnt even bring it up - or mention it, unless it is asked, if a person can respect one or another for thier virginity thats a good sign, if one is flat out honest "i cannot do without sex" and if you dont feel comfortable thats a red flag or if the person is talking about sex too soon/often another red flag, sex is important in a sexual relationship along with thier relationship, but thats NOT all what it is based on, there are plenty of virgins out there has a long steady healthy relationship without sex by choice, theres someone i know they were in a relationship for 6 years, not a single sex act was made, and they gotten married 2 years ago, and they are in thier 20s, i think 25 ish maybe.

trust your instincts thats important! you are brave enough to make a post and discuss it! *admires you for it* **hugs** im here if you need to talk to me! best of luck

@Aubrey: I met my wife on POF. I found it to be a great site that was well run.

As for the virginity thing, I agree totally with Nik. Definitely NOT something I would bring up until at least the 2nd or 3rd date or you felt like it was someone that had long term potential.

And hey, GOOD LUCK!

@ Music God - Okay, so definitely don't mention until we've met in person a couple times?

And yes, I think POF is actually the one I like. There's a larger variety of people and so easy to use.

@Aubrey: If the person is REALLY into you, it's not gonna matter about that. It is a bit of a heavy topic for the beginning though. I guess it just depends on the person really. Some people are MUCH more open minded about things.

One thing that I did was make a list of the things that I wanted to find in a mate. I then rated them from MOST important to least important. Then as I talked to people, I could sort of check them against the list. If they weren't meeting the needs on the list, I moved on.

I do think you should wait to bring it up. Not because it's something you should be ashamed of or should have to 'warn' people about... its not a contagious disease!
However I think there are some people out there who might see it as a conquest.
I think it would basically work the same way as it would in a dating relationship IRL... you just wait until you feel happy enough and comfortable enough with a person before bringing it up.

I would not mention it at all.

Seriously...there ARE some weird people out there and some might be 'into' virgins - which may not be the reason you want people attracted to you.

I've used internet dating and had a few dates out of it but nothing serious. I decided to give up as it's so expensive and I wasn't having any real success. It's worth trying though, two of my friends have married people they've met through internet dating.

As to your question, no, I wouldn't mention that until you're at a stage where you're in a relationship and considering taking it further and are comfortable enough to discuss that sort of thing together. I really don't see why it should matter.

@ Fraggle -- I'm basically just using the free sites. I've heard that pay sites really are a waste of money, since the majority of people on there aren't active anyway.

See the reason I used the paid for sites was safety. Because you pay you have to give your credit card details which means you're traceable. Which I would think would put off potential stalkers/rapists/murderers as it would be harder for them to hide.

I'd never thought of it that way! That's probably true in a sense. Free sites allow basically ANYBODY on, so it's more people to weed through.