Advice is certainly welcome.

"I fucking hate you."
"I wish you'd never been born."
"Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone."
"Who the hell do you think you are?"
"Then leave! Get the fuck out of my house"

Would you ever say this to your child?

For the past year I've been living in a nice apartment complex. Kids are constantly playing outside and the neighbors are kind. I've had a couple problems with the woman who lives below me though. She's hit her ceiling if my daughter was running or clomping around, she's put a baggie of dog poo and ciggarettes outside my door, and she blasts her tv randomly. Generally it's nothing out of the norm for what you'd expect from apartment living.

She has a daughter, and I'd gage her age from 7-9. She seems like a likeable enough kid, she wears good clothes, she is constantly playing with friends, and from I've gathered she just started playing soccer. On the outside it looks like she leads a normal carefree life.

But for the past year I've been hearing statements like the ones above constantly being yelled at her. Just this morning I could hear her mother going ape shit at her (at 6 am mind you) because her room wasn't picked up? Donna (the mother) began slamming everything around and screaming and crying at her daughter. I didn't stay long enough to listen to the rest since I was leaving to take my daughter to daycare.

My mother works with another lady who is actually another neighbor to Donna. I live above Donna, and this lady lives behind Donna. The lady also heard Donna screaming at her daughter and has been listening to this kind of stuff since they've lived there.

While I don't see any physical abuse I'm quite worried that this little girl is being emotionally and verbally abused. I know we all yell at our children from time to time but this is so over the top and...scary the way she yells and treats her.

I called Child Protection Services today. I can't just sit here and listen to the little girl be treated this way. The counselor gave me a number for dispatch if I EVER became scared that Donna is going over the top. She said they'd respond and check on the child. (as I type this I'm listeing to Donna raising her voice at her daughter right now) The counselor said she'd open a case and they'd begin whatever needs to be done on their end.

Was I right to do this? Part of me thinks I'm overreacting and that absolutely everything is fine in their home but part of me is terrified that something IS going on and that the child is in danger.

you did the right thing. that little girl should not be treated that way. I have had known people close to me who were verbally abused-it may not be as 'noticeable' at first but it is harmful, obviously.
my husband endured it for years. I also know someone else who nearly had CPS get involved with them before things got better. it is something people should more aware of , because it can lead to neglect and other types of mistreatment. Children have rights and need adults to advocate for them. You were doing a good thing by being cautious and calling about that.

Honey. I have dealt with that my entire life from my mother. Those statements I have heard a million times. You were entirely right for calling CPS on her. Emotional & verbal abuse can hurt just as much as physical abuse especially when a child is that age & very much impressionable & it's coming from her own mother of all people. I'm glad you did that. I wish someone had done that for me.

I wouldn't have done anything different, yo.

Thank you for doing that.

When I was growing up I heard much worse than that (And still do at 21 years old.) and I used to cry myself to sleep at night wishing someone would make it all stop.
I like to think because of all that I grew up to be a very strong, independent person. But it seriously cuts off a part of you emotionally.
Makes it harder for you to believe there's decent people out there, and seriously fucks up your self esteem.
Some people are lucky enough to get over those obstacles easily.

A lot of people aren't so fortunate, and wind up seriously screwed up from that :(

You definitely did the right thing. If nothing is going on, they wont bother her much (but may give her a bit of a wake up call). You never know when it WILL escalate, and if it does, you dont want to be the person that just sat there and did nothing. You've probably done that girl a world of good.

Things like:


"Who the hell do you think you are?"
"Then leave! Get the fuck out of my house"

are things that I would expect a parent to say to an out of control teenager (drinking, drugs, stealing money, etc. etc.)

But that whole list, to a girl that appears to be under the age of 10?

No. Just no. Entirely right for calling CPS to look into the matter.

did you include that she put dog shit outside your door and hits the ceiling when your daughter walks around? like, just to indicate what an immature psycho she is? i mean, i know it isn't relevent, but yeah. she sounds really really immature and unstable.

I didn't. I've filed a complaint with my landlord before but I'm going to stop doing that, I don't want her to get evicted and have to worry that no one else will try and help the child.

I won't reiterate what everyone's already said, because there's no need to say it for the 139873576th time.

But I read this:
She's hit her ceiling if my daughter was running or clomping around, she's put a baggie of dog poo and ciggarettes outside my door, and she blasts her tv randomly. Generally it's nothing out of the norm for what you'd expect from apartment living.
and found it very strange.

Having lived in various apartment buildings in various cities over the years, I've experienced the first and last on the list in some form or another. But the poo and cigs? Seriously? That's not normal apartment living. Not unless you lived near a campus frathouse or something. Sane adults, especially those with children, just don't do that sort of thing.

That's what I said. She claims she didn't do it but I'm like "Hello, your crazy".
I don't smoke and she told my landlord I was throwing my butts over the balcony and in front of her porch. Yeah lady sure...

So how'd she explain the dog crap? You threw that over your balcony too? XD

you did the right thing huni. I know we all get mad once in a while but to do that to your child is a bit much. People dismiss shouting at children way too easily these days. I am glad you havent.

I'd say absolutely!

from the other side tho.. id say check in on them.. we had a neighbor that came down and said you are verbally abusing your daughter with all the yelling your doing.. so on and so forth (now the things that were being yelled weren't what you wrote.. but yelling none the less).. my mom told her to put her glass a little closer to the floor next time..

the lady came back down a week later and said she was sorry.. when she listened closer she could hear angela starting it (that sounds babyish.. i dont know how to explain). Angela has ADHD, ODD, and is bipolar... she gave/gives us a run for our money. I feel like i'm not saying this right lol..if u have questions ask..

anyway.. YES you did the right thing.. esp if those are the things being yelled..

I believe you did the right thing. Verbally abusing a 9 year old little girl is absolutely uncalled for.

you did the right thing. that's terrible of that mother. that and leaving dog crap at your door? yeah that's not normal either. i don't she deserves her kid if she's going to act like that.

I believe you were right in doing that. I would be less bothered by they way she speaks to her kid than if she were hitting her, but that kind of behavior, it's more than likely it might come to that one day, unfortunately...

That's what I'm worried about. I don't want Donna to get to a point where she does hit her (I assume at this point there is no physical abuse) I don't want her daughter to grow up thinking that's how you raise your children.

Absolutely right in what you did.

my mom was verbally abusive when i was a child. while i'm a really, 'no regrets, never look back' kind of person, i used to wish someone would have gotten involved. my brothers and i had a lot of issues growing up because of the things she said. believe me, you did the right thing. that little girl needs your help.

i'm not sure how CPS works in your state, but i work for CPS in california.

you were entirely right in calling about your concerns. the problem that the agency hits with verbal and emotional abuse is that we don't have a whole lot to stand on if the kid denies it or does not appear to be bothered by it (whereas in cases like physical abuse there is usually some evidence).

what we would do with that kind of case here is offer the mother some services (parenting classes, ect..) so that she can learn how to parent in a way that is not harmful to her daughter. and she really does need to learn that now, because usually when there is one type of abuse there is others.

I hope your taking action brings about a positive change in that family. For the daughter's sake.

And keep in mind, they're not going to march in there and take the child away. The worst that can happen is that they'll be mandated to go to therapy--And of course, that's not a bad idea at all. You haven't done anything that could be a detriment to the child, like risk her being put in foster care. That's an absolute last ditch effort, saved for criminals, (druggies, physical/sexual abusers.)

you are absolutely right.
there are so many high risk cases where we really should pull the kids, but we just can't because there's not enough evidence.

ever talk to her personally about it?