My daughter is 2 (and a few months) and she has recently started pinching when shes angry.

I have tried ignoring it, telling her to use her words when shes mad, its not nice, time out, i swated her hand once and she laughed (frankly i dont have the balls to swat her hard enough to do anything anyways), and nothing is working.

Any other bloop moms or dads that have advice, i would greatly appriciate it. (= i have reached my breaking point and have all these cute little fingernail bruises allll over me, not too awesome in my book lolm

Pinch back. It's not nice, but some times it's the best way if she sees how much it hurts.

I'm not a parent, but I do have this issue with a little girl that I babysit. Her parents always put her in the time out corner (in the dining room away from everything, so there's quiet). But recently I've noticed it doesn't work. She seems to just laugh everything off and think it's funny.

I've found the guilt trip works quite well. Asking her 'how would you like it, if I pinched you and hurt you?' (or in her case, "how would you like it if your sister punched you in the face?") I also never tower over her, I squat down and get on her level and look her in the eyes. When she laughs I simply say "I don't think this is very funny. You wouldn't laugh if someone did this to you." and she stops it.

I've noticed a big improvement since I've started asking her stuff like this - how she would feel if someone did that to her.

Granted she's three, not two. Her little sister (2 years old), I usually make her apologize to her older sister if she hits/hurts her. It seems to do the trick.


I heard on the radio the other night, there was a parenting expert on, and a nanny called in asking when it's appropriate to discipline an under-two-year-old who is hitting and hurting people. She said to get on their level, and say 'NO' sternly - enough to give them a little scare. I haven't tried it - but she seemed to swear by it, and it doesn't sound too bad to me :)

(= she hates No, but loves to say it back, getting on her level gets her attention and she will pay attention to me ,but doesnt do the trick. I think youre onto something i will def. Try your approach. && @ poetic justice, i'll have to try pinching back if that doesnt work lol. Love.struck. i wish it were easier for my daughter, it works for a lot of my friends && ive put a lot of time into trying time out and thats normally when the pinching gets worse unfourtantly.

(= she hates No, but loves to say it back, getting on her level gets her attention and she will pay attention to me ,but doesnt do the trick. I think youre onto something i will def. Try your approach. && @ poetic justice, i'll have to try pinching back if that doesnt work lol. Love.struck. i wish it were easier for my daughter, it works for a lot of my friends && ive put a lot of time into trying time out and thats normally when the pinching gets worse unfourtantly.

@christianna: I feel mean for saying it, but sometimes when I get stern with her, she cries because she knows she's done something very naughty (usually hitting her sister in the head with some toy!) and I feel like I got through to her ;D

I have a 10 month old son, for me I would use the guilt trip too or pinch him back. I know a lot of people would tell me I shouldn't pinch back but sometimes some kids need to know what it feels like. I do the stern NO and guilt trip with my son sometimes. I know he doesn't understand but I get a reaction from him and he stops.

@love.struck: If the children were my own, I would pinch back, or give a swat on the hand. But I definitely do not lay a hand on someone else's children.

There's no cure all solution. Some parents pinch back, some use time out, some encourage discussion, some cry and act seriously wounded...

With Alex, crying worked. His sensitive nature responded very quickly to guilt. He'd feel bad, apologize and give me a hug. Then he'd tell me he felt better..he only pinched me a handful of times before he grew out of it. But, it's hard to say really..it's always interesting to see what works and what doesn't from child to child.

When my friends daughter pinched, she would put her on a time out in a certain part of the house (like a corner, wall, ect). She had to put her back to that spot several times but eventually she learned to stay. I heard from other people it works.

Wow, I would not be pinching the child back. I just don't think that's ok at all.
Surely the point is to teach the child that pinching is wrong, inappropriate, that it hurts. How will a child learn pinching is wrong when his/her mother is pinching them? #

You say you have tried all of these different methods but for how long did you try each one? The time our for example? Consistancy is really important, so if you tried one method a couple of times, felt it didn't work so moved onto another then the child will get confused.
Keep going with one consistant method. Personally I would get down to the child's level, hold he hands in mine and firmly say "No, you do not pinch mummy". If she continued I would then sit her in a time out and again, at her level, explain, "No, you do not pinch mummy. You need to sit here for 3 minutes because you pinched mummy again." If she moves from the time out before 3 minutes is complete, take her back and start the time again. After the time has ended, ask her to apologise.

Follow this same routine EVERY time she pinches and she will soon learn that there are consequences to her behaviour.

It's hard because some parents don't believe in physical discipline or any discipline at all, and others use physical forms of punishment.
My roommate has a 2 year old daughter who has taken to biting - and biting faces.
Recently, she bit his girlfriend's 5 month old baby in the eyebrow area.

He gave her a warning, and told her that if she did that again, he would bite her back.
Obviously, not hard, but enough to let her know that biting hurts.

If a parent doesn't do the physical harm back, there is going to be a child somewhere who will - pinch or bite back, I mean.

Sometimes children don't take to time-outs or a verbal warning. But each parent knows their own child and what would work for them.

If a parent doesn't do the physical harm back, there is going to be a child somewhere who will - pinch or bite back, I mean.

Quite possibly. But a child of the same age who retaliates is TOTALY different to a parent, an adult, purposely hurting their child.

Obviously a parent who pinches back should/would use discretion-- You don't pinch back to leave a mark but to teach them kinetically what they are doing and why they should not do it.

I agree! Ive never had a problem out of my two older kids except the ONCE they tried biting and I bit them back...they looked at me crazy maybe shed a tear and realized that it hurt ( obviously I DID NOT bit them hard! ) I think pinching back would help. She would soon learn that it isnt a game which is what it seems like she thinks. =) Good luck!

oops! wrong account! THIS IS My

whattheheck! Link to my PERSONAL DIARY on my FP! =/

LOL! ugh! MY BADDDDDDD!!! I dont know why it didnt show my name were I typed it! /=

pinching back makes as much sense as the mother across the street who will often scream/yell at her to oldest boys " we do not fcking YELL at people"... really?! Then why did YOU just yell. For me pinching back is the same concept. Its a mixed message. You want the child to know that it's not ok to do - yet you just did it to the child... which message did you want the child to get - that the behavior is not ok, retaliation is ok, or the bigger, stronger person will pinch/hit/bite harder? Just curious how this approach helps anyone.

The idea of it is that right after you do it you explain to them firstly why you pinched/hit/bit back secondly ask them if they liked someone doing that to them. of course the child is going to say no, so then you explain why it's not okay. I understand your example but I also think your example is a bit more extreme. I agree with you, yelling at your child to not yell doesn't really help the situation. The other thing is talking doesn't work with all kids.

Maybe to some, it makes sense.
Maybe they tried every form of punishment for pinching and it didn't work and now they feel like it's the only other option they have.
Some children don't respond well to nice acts of punishment - they need something to startle them or scare them, whether it be yelling or a firm "No!" or possibly pinching back.

I just wonder how a child is going to affiliate the hurt feeling of pinching to the statement of "It hurts to be pinched, that's why you shouldn't pinch people."
You can't tell someone that it's hard being poor, when they grew up being rich and not experiencing the feeling, ya know?

[Sorry if I come off as rude - I'm not angry or defensive at all. Just kind of pondering ideas.]

@canceroustears: I think that using something the child can relate to (being pinched/hit) is pretty effective. Odds are kids have been smacked or pinched by another child (especially if they have siblings) - so for the girls I watch it works to ask them how much they'd like it.

I don't think that telling someone it's hard to be poor, when they've been privileged is a really valid comparison. Being hit/pinched is something that all kids deal with at some point, no matter what their living situations are - it's relate-able to them. :)

@Jellyka That is actually very true! [:
It was early in the morning when I posted that, lol.
I just went with the idea X]

@canceroustears: ;D

I think you still had a fair point though. I think before a certain age kids probably still won't understand the whole 'how would you feel if...' bit. I don't think the two year old I watch understands it as well as the 3 year old, but she's getting better at it :)

Just gotta use simpler language with the little ones. Like, I usually say 'you don't like when E hits you, do you?' and she always says no ;D

C, our girls are the same age so I can relate. Lexi and time out don't work. She just does not understand it. I think maybe 6 months down the track she will, but right now? No.
I think there is a huge difference in a pinch back, or just constantly pinching! Personally I'd give her a pinch back. Not hard, but enough that it makes her stop and realise that she does not like that.

Lexi took to biting not long after starting daycare.
She bit DP first, and his response was time out. She thought it was funny. We have tried time out a lot with her, but it just is pointless as she is too young to get it.
She bit me, I bit her back. Not enough to hurt or do any damage but enough that she stopped and went hold on, I don't like that. She hasn't bit since.