Long story short. I was placed for adoption as a baby, but the adoption was made final until just after my 5th birthday due to custody issues.

I found out in early 2001 that I have two full biological sisters and several half siblings through our now passed on father. (although the half siblings do not ever communicate with my full sisters)

They grew up knowing of me, while I had no clue they exsisted nor ever wondered. We met for a few days in 01 as well.

The oldest of the two, is constantly wanting me to be a big sister in every sense of the word, but I have no desire to be such. Nor am I cold hearted enough to tell her to F off.

Anyone been there? How did you deal with it?

I'M NOT ADOPTED, BUT I'M CURIOUS. DO YOU FEEL NO CURIOSITY TO GET TO KNOW HER A BIT, TO SEE WHAT SOMEONE WHO SHARES YOUR GENES IS LIKE?

I have gotten to know them, and what I do know I dont care for (not about, just not for - their life style for example)

Ah, so it's more that you don't like them, rather than you simply don't want extra people in your life, or you don't want to play the role of big sister to a stranger? Have you told them you don't care for their lifestyle? That might be quite effective in stopping them wanting to become buddies with you!

i've never been in that situation, but is there a way to explain to her that you just don't feel like part of their family?

My sister is going through that. Maybe she wholeheartedly wants to get to know you and be a sister to you. Is there a specific reason you dont? or do you just not want anything to do with that part of your life? I hope you can find a way to tell her.

Like Jessica said, is there a way you could tell her that while you want to get to know her, you don't feel enough a part of her family to BE a big sister? It wouldn't make you cold-hearted or anything, and you're not telling her to F off. You're just telling her there is a line that you aren't comfortable crossing because you DIDN'T grow up as her big sister.

I wasn't adopted in the legal sense of the word. I was lucky because I grew up with my sister. Our grandparents "adopted" us after my mother died when I was 5 years old. My sister (actually a half-sister: we have different dads) doesn't know her siblings from her dad's side or her father. It isn't due to her not wishing to know him. There are complicated circumstances there that I don't feel right explaining.
As for myself, I have a half brother (and apparently, a few other siblings which I don't know anything about) from my father's side of the family. I have never been where you are, but I can relate to sibling situations. My brother seems to not want anything to do with me (or get to know me) and is a general pain in the butt. I can say from experience that you need to talk to her...not cruelly, but definitely in an honest manner. It hurts me that my brother acts like he does because I have tried countless times to get to know him and his kids. If, you are unable to be a big sister to her in EVERY sense of the word, you need to tell her that. Maybe someday you will want to get to know her more. You don't want to burn your bridges now...either by acting apathetic or by being distant on purpose. I can tell you that my brother has pretty much burned his bridge with me. It is sad but true. A small part of me still wants to hang on...but only a small part of me (and that is more for my nephews rather than my brother).

I'm thankful for my sister though. We used to be practically strangers despite being raised in the same house for years. That has changed for the better though. My point is...you never know what the future might bring.

Sorry for the novel. I didn't mean to make this reply so long. I hope it helps some.

I just wrote an entry explaining a little more on this topic

My oldest brother was adoped out to my aunty and raised as my cousin. I found out he was really my brother a few years ago.
Even though we call each other brother and sister we still have a cousin type relationship.

Sibling relationships are formed in childhood, they're not just a title. The same with parental relationships as you know.

I'd be honest and tell them you don't want a sibling relationship with them.

To be fair, she (Meghans Follie) didn't say she didn't want anything to do with her. She said she has no desire to play the big sister. Not wanting to play big sister isn't the same as not wanting to get to know her.

I didnt mean to make it sound like I was insulting her. I was just asking because I didnt know why she didnt want her to play the big sister. I was trying to understand more. It is a sticky situtation for many people in this type of situtation so I was trying to understand better.

I get that. :) I was just clarifying what it was she was asking, because it appeared as though the others misunderstood as well.

I should of made it more clear. I have gotten to know them. And their lifestyle is not one I want to be apart of at all. Its not that I want nothing to do with them, I just don't want to play the big sister

I just found my Uncle who was adopted at birth. I dont know what its like to be adopted, but I do know that he grew up not knowing of us or his birth brothers and sisters. He has 9 of them. His parents never had any other children, nor were there relatives either. I dont know how one would handle a situation like that but I would just nicely tell her, that you cant do that right now. Maybe trying writing a letter and seeing how that pans out before sending it off or something. Just do something to put how you are feeling about the whole thing into words and go from there. Either way I wish you luck

I didn't see this part of it until I read some of your replies to comments made by others.

can i ask what a big sister is supposed to do? i am one and i don't know if it actually entails anything. is there extra things you're sposed to do as a sibling?

I explained a little more about it in my latest entry so I dont end up writting a novel here ;)

haha fair enough. like i chat with my brothers and listen to them when they're going through shit, but i do that with friends as well. i thought that was just being human. does being a big sister have extra jobs? lol.

Skull, if you read her entry you'll see exactly what it is they want her to do that is considered "big sister" type of stuff. It's not regular stuff you would do for a friend if that friend had other people in their life.

thanks for you unnecessary input about telling me to read her entry when she already did so. am i not allowed to leave a thought in the thread about what people seem to expect of big sisters just before i go off to read the entry? someone else may have had something to add to my question. i shouldn't need to justify any reply i make to someone else.

as it happens i can't read her entry because the layout is incompatible with the browser i use.

this was really none of your concern and you really didn't need to reply to me.

yay for ie. why can't code just be universal? like why did it not start that way? oh well at least ie let's me see layouts properly.

Your comment made it sound like you hadn't bothered. No need to be such a bitch when I was simply stating something you obviously didn't take the time to READ or you would have KNOWN THE ANSWER to your own question.

...Are you honestly calling HER the bitch?
If you had taken the time to READ the post above the one you replied to in this thread, you would have KNOWN that she already KNEW about the entry.


Your bitchy replies to everyone just make you look stupid.
"Niceness" is your friend.

And one more thing, "DEVISUALIZE" is your friend.