I need a good laugh today... someone tell me a lame and corny joke!

I'll start it off.


Want some duck sausage?




























Then duck down and get you some!

How do two snails fight?

























They slug it out.

Is it REALLY dorky that I actually laughed out loud with this one?

WHAT DO AN APPLE AND AN ORANGE HAVE IN COMMON, YO?









NEITHER OF THEM CAN DRIVE A TRACTOR.

hhahahaha I LOVE that one!

HAHA - ME TOO, YO! LIKE IT WAS ON A CEEFAX PAGE OF REALLY PATHETIC JOKES MADE UP BY LITTLE CHILDREN, AND ME AND MY SISTER WERE MOCKING THEM, AND THEN WE SPOTTED THAT ONE AND WE WERE TOTALLY 'GOSH, THAT'S ACTUALLY QUITE FUNNY, YO!'

Hahahahaha XD This is totally my favourite type of Jokes! I know quite a few of them but they don't sound near as funny in English =P

Oh I so need to tell this one to someone ;D
I love it!

What's red and sits in the corner?









A naughty strawberry.

What does a chicken and a elephant have in common?



They are both green except for the chicken.

Two nuns are having a bath. There is a knock on the bathroom door. 'Who's there?' said one of the nuns.

'I'm the blind man,' came the reply.

'Oh, that's all right then,' said one of the nuns, 'Come in.'

The man came in. 'Mmm, nice tits. Now, where do you want your blind?'



What's the last thing that goes through a love bug's mind when he hits a windshield?

His butt.


why did Hitler shoot himself?
he got the gas bill

why do anarchists drink herbal tea?
proper tea is theft

how many Microsoft developers does it take to change a lightbulb?
none. they just made darkness the new industry standard.

what's red and comes with salt, vinegar and ketchup?
abortion of chips

how many trash-talkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
same number as it takes to screw in your mum

what do you call a mass extermination of fascists?
the ironicaust


"Mummy, mummy, can i lick the bowl?"

"No. You can flush it like everyone else!"

Yo, that Hitler joke is so incredibly bad taste...

ha these are cute

how do you make lady gaga mad?

pokerface! (say it slowly out loud. x] )

How do you get a tissue to dance?














put a little boogie in it!

oh that reminds me of my nephew ;D

He was barely 2 when he goes 'Jessi, Jessi! I have a joke for you!'
So priceless to actually hear a little kid say that ;D

haha! I know, it's perfect! My brother told me that one when he was 3... it's been my fave ever since!

I love the other one he knew as well.



Why did the man throw the clock out the window?







because he wanted to see time fly.
-hysterical giggles-


;D

:-o Lol, I'm so bad at getting jokes.. Shame on me!

i heart really stupid knock knock jokes.

knock knock
whos there?
jess
jess who?
jess me and my shadow.

knock knock
whos there?
atch
atch who?
sorry, i didn't know you had a cold

knock knock
whos there?
isabel
isabel who?
isabel working? i had to knock

knock knock
whos there?
amos
amos who?
a mosquito

knock knock
whos there?
anudder
anudder who?
anudder mosquito

What do pirates do on holidays?



Get some ARR and ARR



What do you call a pirates painting?


ARRRRRRRRRT

When is a car not a car?




When it turns into a driveway.


What do you call a guy who never farts in public?



A private tutor.

What time did the man go to the dentist?




Tooth hurty.


Why don't anteaters get sick?




Because they're full of anty-bodies!

LOL

that farting in public one didnt make sense to me, because we dont pronounce tutor as tooter, but we prounounce the u, if that makes sense...
But being the bright spark that I am, I figured it out :D

LOL those were good!