its been awhile

so i jus relized its been at least a month and a half since iv entered anything... opps. in a week imma be goin to an orientation to volenteer at P.A.W.S. i really want to get back into a job like i used to have at the barn... when i actually looked forward to going to work. and how i got that was volenteering first and then it turned into a job so i figure ill try the same thing.

and one of the open positions is wildlife care assistant. which is awesome ^_^

and i might be goin to school again i know.scary. so im tryin to find kinda more like a trade school type program with anything to do with animals since i know ill really enjoy that.and i found one..ABC (Animal Behavior College) but they do only dog training. which would be awesome but thats like the ONLY one i can find... and id feel better if i had more options.

and iv been wanting a dog so bad lately that i think it would be better to go play with them as a job then goin and getting one ha

and me and steve are doing better then ever relationship wise only iv been a lil worried about him cuz hes developed bad anxiety and will get anxiety attacks... so im tryin to find natural ways to help him with that... and hes been really delaying fixing his back. which is really worryin me. .. hes absolutly convinced that the ONLY way hes gonna really be happy and healthy is if he goes to hawaii one more time...he cant aford it. and hes tryin to do that more then fixing his back.

and hes sooo stubbern that there is no way of getting him to think more positivly about getting happy and healthy useing things around him. or at least fixing his back first..uhhhg. i really miss seein him get all excited about things and getting hyper and happy..i love that but with his problems right now it doesnt happen very often.

and of course a broken back and anxiety = NO sex life....which has been really getting to me lately. cuz its like... NOTHING. i have to really work on him to let me do things to him.. at first i could help but taking it kinda personal. like wondering if he wasnt as attracted to me as he was before. but iv learned now that thats far from it. although sometimes when im at a really emotional moment and he turns me down i catch myself thinking that way again. its very frustraiting for bolth of us.... but it will get back to normal as soon as he fixes his back.

but im kinda glade in a weird way... it kinda shows that we have a really good relationship. cuz through emotions and problems and no sex our relationship is as strong as its ever been.

and iv been at his house sooo much lately.i pretty much live here now... iv prob been sleeping at my house like once every 2 weeks. since 2 out of the 3 roomates have a girlfriend... i think gabe has kinda givin up on arguing anything girlfriend related... i cant really wait till we move in together i know we can make it work if we do cuz we dont have anyproblems now and we pretty much do anyway.

i think he hasnt said anything at all about it because i dont have a job and he cant aford to move... is the main reason. that and his last girlfriend pretty much was using him as a place to live and put her kids... so kinda like hes makin sure im capable of taking care of myself before he puts himself in a position where he might be taking complete care of me. not that he doesnt trust me. jus kinda makin sure... and i dont blame him. if i had that happen id prob be doin the same thing.

so yeeah/.... thats about whats been goin on lately... imma go play a board game with steve and peoplez