Finding myself increasingly happy I got out of Arizona and the black hole it is for so many people. I'm finally truly enjoying school and what it is offering me, however I'm worried about the future. Like everybody else I'm afraid of what "significant raise in tuition" means; I don't want to have to put my education on hiatus, but I guess if that's what it comes to I'll have to deal. I have an incredible group of classes this quarter after a disappointing and confusing spring break back in AZ. I guess I'm just unconvinced as to the value of my friendship to some of the people back there. I almost felt like I was intruding on something that I am no longer a part of. I'm fine with not being as close as we used to be, but I'd at least like to feel welcome. Such is the ebb and flow of life, I suppose.
I plan on immersing myself in the literature I'm being held accountable for and enjoying the nature around me while it lasts. The world is turning into a very scary, irrational place and I find that I try to ignore current events if nothing else for the fact that I don't want to be affected by (or be a part of) the madness. Is this what it feels like to be the average American?
But I love school, and especially my classes. I love being on my own up here and not having to answer to a mother who wants me to attend church with her and pass on inane Christian chain e-mails that I couldn't care less to open, much less read. I don't like that I can't seem to grab hold of a job because WA is in a tight spot right now. I don't like that my school seems to like fucking me up the ass while I work harder and delve deeper into the education I want so badly so I can move on. I just want a couple grand, you know? I'm not asking for full-ride, but honestly I'm making perfect grades, and there's no reason why I shouldn't be rewarded for that. Fuckers.
My relationship with Ryan is taking weird twists and turns, but I'm pretty OK with that right now. He still seems possessive of me, and I don't want to hurt him, so luckily I haven't found anybody that I'd rather spend my evenings with. Then again, I don't really do the socializing thing, so perhaps I'm just missing opportunities by swinging with Ryan. Maybe I should just start fucking chicks... I seem to acquaint myself with them more steadily through clubs like The Scary Feminists and gay pride. Oh, I don't even care.
To be MidWestern, I want this shitty weather to become spring. I'm tired of it snowing, not sticking, and freezing over night. I want the sun to warm my face and burn my shoulders. Sunday it's supposed to by a whopping 62ºF out and I plan on taking full advantage with bud and wilderness. I have to quit so I can find a job, and get a job, because I'm exhausting the non-drug-test applications. Hopefully I don't brain damage myself this weekend with my nuggy. |
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