So... very frustrated with my life at the moment.
I'm afraid and happy and excited and all that junk about the baby.
I have all this inside my head at all times.
I can only process so much at once. So sometimes I just smile. Because I'm just happy.
A)Because I've wanted to be a mother since... I don't know probably since I knew women had babies and I realized that I was gonna grow up and be a woman.
and
B)Because I have a fair amount of instincts in my body telling me that I can do this. I know somewhere in my soul that this is the right choice for me.
And I understand that my mother is frustrated with me, and upset, and maybe yes a little ashamed of me.
But does she have to tell me every day taht I should "think about your options."? Really?
Do you have to remind me that I have someone's life in my hands and that considering what's in my baby's best interest is really important?
No.
I promise.
I understand that already.
And I happen to feel, again this coming from somewhere just left of my soul, that the best choice for this baby is to stay with it's biological mother and family. This baby is my light. My hope.... I can't give it to someone to raise just because they can provide a better education or something like that... I just can't explain it.
It's selfish, but it feel right somehow.
And by the way... "I just keep thinking that maybe if I had let you get the puppy this wouldn't have happened."
REALLY?
WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.
In other news... Pete.
Not going to be there for me or the baby.
I'm thinking of having the legal aid department at work (one of the only useful things our Union gives us) draw up a contract to terminate his legal parental rights.
Not that I think he's a danger to us.
It's just that I'm thinking if he doesn't have to pay child support he'll be more likely to leave us alone.
And someday, if he does change his idiot mind, he won't be able take the baby away.
I wouldn't mind sharing custody I suppose... but it's kind of complicated and he doesn't seem to want the baby at all.
That's right. I got another text from him.
"If my parents find out, I want to be the one to tell them."
So I said that I would have never told them for him, and if he really wasn't ready to be there then he didn't have to tell them either.
"Well I am not ready so I am not going to tell them. I just wanted to make sure."
Yeah, that's right.
He wanted to make sure I didn't tell his parents that he happened to be the boy... well jerk really, who got me pregnant.
I know. I was there too.
But what the fuck?
(Saying that an awful lot lately... will have to stop once baby is here... can't have the little one repeat that lol)
He didn't want me to tell on him so he wouldn't get in trouble.
Could someone remind me how I could have ever been in love with that spineless dickweed?
It's odd that I got pregnant really.
Cause someone seems to have absolutely no balls what so ever.
So I told him about having his parental right terminated, not telling him about the part where it was so he couldn't take the baby (or toddler, or ten year old, however old it happesn to be when he stops being such a gigantic bag of douche) away, and guess what he says.
NOTHING.
The stupid jerk. 
It made me want to throw large heavy harmful things at him... like a car.
OR maybe something pointy and painful... like a pineapple.
Vince suggested making a car out of pineapples.
This is why I love that Vince sometimes.
And again in other news...
I got my hair cut again 
Too tired to post picture right now. So you all will just have to wait untill I have pictures form Krista's wedding up.
It's Saturday! Can't wait!
Finally, something besides the baby to look forward to.
Fine I'll say it... Click my eggs and baby dragons!!!
   
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