i need the smell of summer, i need its noises in my ear

01/07/2009

i'm sort of in shock. josh just sat me down and told me that he failed a course last term. apparently he just discovered this. i'm not going to get into how it's ridiculous that he's just finding this out now, and how i'm sure it's due to his avoidant/denial personality. anyway, this course was a prerequisite for several of his courses this term. meaning that he's fucked.
short term "solution": he's going to work full time (+ part time i think) and work his ass off to pay off his debt. i wish someone had taught that boy about money before i came along. it really really sucks that he's not going to be in class this term, but we both agreed that he can at least use the time to work and get rid of his debt [fuck you mastercard!] instead of taking a few random classes that don't really get him anywhere (since the ones he needs are hindered by this failed course).
he's so sorry. he's so upset that he disappointed me and is holding me back. and i won't lie, he is holding me back, somewhat. holding us back. but fuck it, there's nothing we can do about it. we just have to move forward, put away as much money as we can, and figure out how we'll get out of here "on time" [aka within 2 years?]
and of course, this is the straw that broke the camel's back. i've been pretty down since my visit home at christmas. i just miss it so much, my friends, my family. i hate winter here. it's so depressing in and of itself, then add to it that everyone's going on sweet vacations and junk, and i'm stuck here in the freezing cold. i have so few friends here [read: one]. i'm sick and tired of this house, both the house itself, with its broken washing machine and shitty insulation, and the fact that i'm renting it from landlords that don't seem to care that their house is a shitbox. fuck.
i'm frustrated with myself too. just everything. i'm mess. the house isn't clean. i don't exercise like i should. i was doing so well for a while, then just crashed and burned.
i have a headache from crying.
i just want to yell "fuck" from the rooftop, as loudly as i can. it wouldn't change anything, but neither does this blog, i suppose. sometimes a girl just needs an outlet.

previous entry: and i'm beyond your peripheral vision so you might want

next entry: stop this train, i want to get off and go home again.

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So that does make a difference. Sometimes, you just need to talk it out, and it helps. Other times, you just need to talk, but you know it can't change things.

*hugshugshugs*

I'm sorry. I wish I had enough money to help myself and everyone else. I would be the best gift-giver ever!

[-kay|0 likes] [|reply]

oh dear.
*hugs*
the good thing is that you guys have a back up plan
the winter slump thing sucks especially when your away from home.
*hugs*

[hollywood whore; Star

|0 likes] [|reply]

wow. i can't believe he just discovered that he failed. it's not like that shit happens over night either.
i've gotta give you props though, you're one tough cookie, and i know you'll get through this. i couldn't imagine moving that far from home without knowing anyone. i'd lose my mind living up there in the winter, it doesn't sound like a good time at all.
hopefully in the spring things will start to get back to normal for ya.

[Ezeekiel|0 likes] [|reply]

perseverance....

[Emily the Strange Star

|0 likes] [|reply]

Lots of times we need this.
There is absolutely no class he can take at all? I mean I guess it's pointless when he could be making money to save up instead of taking just one course. Go you for sticking by him. I'd be livid if he was telling me just now, as new courses are about to begin. But, on the other hand, this totally seems like something I would do and Shawn would probably stick by me.
It's just so frustrating sometimes that life never goes as planned. but then I guess it wouldn't be life.
<3

[__mixie|0 likes] [|reply]

I know EXACTLY how you feel with the whole Josh thing. But you seem to have enough patience with it and that you've worked everything out to an extent.
Winter is pretty bleugh. But the winter solstice already passed, so days are getting longer, not shorter!!

[Kate.Monster|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: and i'm beyond your peripheral vision so you might want

next entry: stop this train, i want to get off and go home again.

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