Hi.

06/23/2010

Most of the things in my diary are going to be about my past. My therapist wants me to write down everything. He said a journal. But I don't want to risk somebody reading it. He said that he doesn't have to read it. So I am going to contribute to my "well-being" by writing my past down. Getting it out.
I am 17. I was a runaway for about two years. Then after I could not take it anymore, I came home in April. My father was not angry like I thought he would be, he was crying. My brother hugged me until I couldn't breathe. And my mother was probably smiling down on us. A big happy reunion. Expect, they didn't realize at that moment that I was emotionally gone. I couldn't smile like I used to.
I lost my education. I am stupid.
You see, I never really had much friends. I was depressed a lot. When my mom died I stopped caring, I stopped eating, I got in with the wrong crowd, I did a lot of drugs, I drank a lot, I had sex with any guy that wanted me. I was easy. I am surprised I do not have some sort of STD.
His name is Micheal, Micheal changed my life. Micheal is now 20. He was older. He was hot, he had a job, he dropped out of school, he had his own car. He was everything that could get me out of here. I planned it for years. Micheal wanted to move to California, he wanted me to have his babies, but he was not wanting around for me, as he said. He had money saved up. So one night in July, we waited until my dad was out of town. I left a note that said, "I am safe, I will miss you guys, don't come looking for me." I packed up, and we left.
It was hell. At first, it felt right. But Micheal ended up leaving me. I made new friends. I lost respect for everyone. I was abused. I starved. I never would repeat that experience.

My name is Kelsey.
I am 17.
I now a bunch of mental disorders.
I have no friends.
My brother is now my best friend.
My dad actually loves me now.
I am trying to let go of the past.