An Undecided Entry

I have been hemming and hawing all day about whether or not to write an actual entry today.  My book review really doesn't count as an entry, I suppose.  I have been leaning toward not doing one, until I talked to Amy and she asked me if I was going to do one.  The thing is, I don't think I have a lot to say today.  I know I always say that and I wind up pulling something out of my head, but today it seems true.  I'm still waffling about whether or not I'm going to have anything of substance to say.  Oh well.  I suppose if not, I can always grab a writing prompt and see what develops.

The snow and sleet of the past two days, along with the grey, overcast skies, are doing a number on me.  I'm tired all the time.  I woke up at 4am this morning, and couldn't go back to sleep until about 7:00-7:30am.  When I finally did crawl back into bed with Al, it was so cozy and warm, I fell asleep almost immediately and didn't get up again until 9:45am.  I woke Al when I got up, but he was far too comfortable to leave the heat of the bed, so I came out here, found that I had no internet, turned on the television and found no cable, then went back into the room and in a voice that was far sharper than I'd intended it to be said, "Al get up."  He knew exactly what that voice meant.

He came out here, and I'm not sure if he looked at the blank television and saw the message that says, "One Moment Please..." from the cable company, but he said, "I'm sorry, okay.  I didn't have the money to pay the bill and I don't have the money now," on his way to the bathroom.  I let him go do his business without saying another word until he came out, and then I said, "I didn't say a word."

Right away he gets defensive and tells me that he can't do anything about the situation until he gets paid on Friday.  Well, I knew what I could do.  I floated a check and told him to go pay the bill on his way to work because it was fine for him to be without cable or internet, but I'm home alone all day.  What the devil am I supposed to do without them?  Go stir crazy?  I love to read, but come on.  I can't do it all day long.

He called me after he left the cable company, but by then the cable and internet were on so I knew he'd been there.  I wasn't pleased to find out he wrote the check for $200, but nothing I can do about that now.  He will have to pay the remainder of what's due in two weeks when he gets paid again, and that will bring us current once more.  And then he pissed me off by saying, "This is what Christmas did to us."

I'm sorry but that's a crock.  We didn't spend that much money on Christmas this year, so he can't tell me that this is because of Christmas, especially when he had that money already set aside for the kitchen table we still don't have.  I mean seriously, we spent less than $200 on Christmas, when we got right down to it.  Far less.  This was not my fault for insisting that we buy Christmas presents, and that's what his comment was insinuating.

But I didn't yell.  I didn't scream.  I didn't get snide or snotty with him.  In fact, I told him to have a good day, drive carefully, wished him luck in his interview today, and told him I loved him.  I am not fighting with him about this.  I'm not going to fight with him at all if I can help it.

He told me he'd pay me back the $200 on Friday, but I told him not to bother.  That's about what we have left to pay on the car insurance premium, so I told him to just write a check to them and pay it and we'd be square.  It's a solution we can both live with.  I just pray that the cable check doesn't clear before my Social Security check goes in, because then he'll owe me for the overdraft fee.  But I probably won't even say anything to him about that.  I'll consider it even, I suppose, for my Taylor Swift CD and Eclipse DVD.

So yeah.  That's how my morning started.  The rest of the day was calm and quiet and even though I was logged online, I stayed off the computer for the most part, and just read and watched my shows on the DVR.  I got the dishes done, made dinner, finished my book, started another, and all is well in my world.

Mom sent me a message on Facebook, which the only reason I've even seen it is because I had to go into Cafe World, but other than that, I've been staying out of there too.  Her second husband's (the man I called Daddy) daughter is in the hospital.  She's no relation to me whatsoever, and I've never really spent a lot of time with her, but I always considered her like a stepsister.  Anyway, she is 33 years old and was born with Cystic Fibrosis.  Apparently Melissa is now on oxygen, but she won't wake up.  The doctors told her parents when she was small, if she lived through her teenage years, she might make it to her mid-thirties, but most CF patients don't make it to 36.  This could be her time now, but we don't know.  It's a watch and see situation.

Al thinks his interview went well, but he doesn't think he's going to get one of the two supervisor positions that are being offered.  He said while the interview itself was fine, one of the four people interviewing him was really pushing the education issue and focusing on Al's lack thereof.  He's got some college under his belt, but the company he works for holds way too much stock in that little piece of paper that says "Associate Degree" or "Bachelor Degree."  I can tell he is very dejected.  I told him to try and think positively about it because it's not a lost cause yet, and that I've been praying, Amy has been praying, and I know even he has been praying that he will get this promotion.  I know God is listening and God knows our struggles.  Maybe he will get one of these two positions, and if he does, that will be fantastic.  If he doesn't, I know there's another position opening up in the next few months.  They said they are going to promote three.  This is just the first two.  If he doesn't get one of these, then there's hope, but there's also a reason for it, even if we don't know what that reason is.  There's always a reason for everything.  I'm really trying to trust that God knows what's best for us, and to lean on Him right now.

One of the cats, and I don't know which one because I didn't see it happen, only caught Snarf scratching, peed on my carpet today.  All three of them were awake and staring at me, looking innocent as you please.  I had to break out the bottle of vinegar and pour it over the soiled spot and scrub that thing down, but I don't know who to yell at.  If it was Shiloh, I'm going to scream.  He just has to hold out til the beginning of February and then snip, snip.  I hope it wasn't him or Jericho.  If it was Jericho, then I'm going to worry.  He doesn't do that.  In any case, my living room now smells like vinegar.  Lovely.

Wow.  I guess I had more to say than I thought.

Point to Ponder:  Blessed are the balanced.

Verse to Remember:  Ephesians 5:15 - Live life with a due sense of responsibility, not as those who do not know the meaning of life but as those who do.

Question to Consider:  Which of the four activities will I begin in order to stay on track and balance God's five purposes for my life?

The four activities the book mentioned were:

• Talk it over with a spiritual partner or small group


• Give yourself a regular spiritual check-up


• Write down your progress in a journal


• Pass on what you know to others

Balance is important in every area of one's life, and in one's spiritual life, it's just as important.  God didn't give us five purposes for our lives to pick and choose the one or two we like best and ignore the others.  We have to learn to balance all five.  Right now, I'm doing a lousy job at all of them.  But that is going to change.  It's still a new year and I'm working on the new me in many ways.  This is something else I really need to work on.

I think writing in the journal will be easiest for me, because I'm already doing that.  I write down the things I learn, I pass them on to others via the pages of my diary.  My family and real life friends, other than Amy, will never see this diary until I die.  And then Amy has permission to show them all what I've been doing with my life and my time for the past ten years.  But if the things I write can help even one person now, in their life, or even later on, then every bit of effort I've made here has been worth it. 

I'm not so good with the spiritual check-ups or talking things over with a spiritual partner, but that is something else that is still in my future as well.  I need a spiritual advisor, once I get back on track, and I'm going to need to start looking for one again.  I really don't feel comfortable burdening my already overworked pastor with monthly meetings with me, or even bi-monthly ones, just to help me assess my spiritual progress.  I'll find someone.  It's in God's hands.

Balance is not something that comes easy to me, in any area of my life, but I'm working on it.

A friend of mine played basketball in high school.  He did everything he could to become the best player he could be.  He worked with the coach every day.  He respected the coach and did everything the coach told him, in order to please him.  His hard work paid off.  He starred on the team, and whenhe graduated, the coach told him he was the finest player he had ever had the privilege of coaching.  Are we doing everything we can to please God by being the best people we can be?  When we diet, we do God honor, and He will be faithful to honor us in return.  If we ignore our bodies, the gift that God gave us, then we show contempt for God, and He will lose respect for us.

Today's thought:  Today I will do everything I can to please God!