Another Snowy Day

It is coming down lightly, but it is coming down.  The roads were crap when I left to take Corri to SAP this morning, but by the time I had to go pick her up, they were at least a bit better.  The roads in our housing complex aren't too great, however.  They wait until it builds up before they plow.  Al went out and shoveled and threw salt down before he left for work, and then we left together, made a stop at Ace Hardware so he could buy me a new scraper for my car.  We gave our other one to Amy when she was here, so since he got me a new one, I told her she could just keep that other one.

Corri and I got up this morning for our morning meditations, but I was really out of it.  I took some Seroquel last night to sleep, which I don't usually do, and it knocked me on my butt.  The reason I don't normally take it like I'm supposed to is because even if I get 8 hours of sleep on it, I still wake up groggy and it takes me hours for that feeling to go away.  It's like I never truly wake up all the way.  I hate that feeling.

We're spending the day catching up on our soaps.  We're SO far behind it's not even funny, but that's because it's been a busy week for us all so far.  It's going to stay relatively busy while Corri is going through SAP and doing all the things she needs to do for her recovery.  Since I'm her primary transportation, that means plenty for me to do, as her personal taxi.  I don't mind at all.  I'm glad I've now got a car to do those things for her.

Al made fun of me last night while we were driving to SAP and I was talking to Foamy and stroking his steering wheel.  Al cracked up laughing.  He's like, "My wife is crazy," and he had Corri laughing her butt off in the back seat.  My husband is such a dork.

I don't really have a lot to say today for some reason.  I think I covered everything that's going on here today.  I'm already back in my pajamas cuz we're not going anywhere.  I need to take a shower later on, however, cuz I haven't taken one yet and I'm feeling kinda grungey.

Recall a situation where you wished you had more strength and confidence.

I'm sitting here, picking through my brain to come up with a situation like that, and I can't think of a single thing.  Every situation I'm faced with forces me to step up and tap into strength I don't always know I have.  Even if I'm less than confident, I go into things with full confidence, regardless of the fact that I may be faking it.  That's how I tap into my inner strength.

I rise to every occasion, even when I'm merely floating along with the inertia in my life, because honestly, there's only two choices. Either I go into a situation strong and confident, or I let the situation control me, and I don't like that second option.  I'm not a do-nothing kind of person, and that's probably because I like to be in control of everything in my life whenever possible.  I realize, however, that me being in control of anything in my life is just an illusion.  God is the one who is really in control.  I just respond to things that happen with my own warped sense of control.

The devotion today was a lovely little story of a woman who had lost everything.  She lost children, her husband in the Russian army, and her legs to polio back when the "cure" was amputation.  This woman was totally angry with God, until one day when she stopped being angry and asked God, instead of "why,"  "What use am I now?"  And God answered her.

This story makes me take a look at my own anger toward God from time to time.  I have had periods where I have been VERY angry and railed at God for the unfairness of life and things that have happened to me, but when I stop being angry, and stop yelling at him long enough to hear him, I realize that some of these things are of my own making and I cannot put the blame on God.

I can't blame God for my lack of children.  That's my own doing.  I can't blame God for taking Fr. Frank when he did, because he was sick and I wouldn't have wanted to watch him suffer.  God knew what was best.

But God tells us to go ahead and be angry.  To let it loose, just not let our anger lead us into acting in revenge.  He warns us not to let the sun go down on our anger and not to go to bed angry because it gives the Devil a foothold in our lives that he simply does not need.

When I stopped being angry at God, I realized that I am still a mom.  I have two beautiful children that I may not have given birth to, but who are mine nonetheless.  I have a beautiful grandson.  I have the stem cells of the baby who grew for a few months in my womb.  I am a mother, just not in the way some people see it or expect it to be.

When I stopped being angry at God, I was brought to our current parish, which I love, and introduced to another priest whom I deeply respect.  I won't necessarily have the same kind of relationship with this priest as I had with Fr. Frank, but it doesn't mean I can't have a good or respectful relationship with Fr. R.  He's been kind to me, both times when he has given me the anointing of the sick.  We've had some good discussions.

The lady in the story was given the job of being a messenger back and forth to heaven daily, by lifting others up in prayer.  Some people would call her a prayer warrior.  I don't know what my job is going to be, but I'm open to whatever God wants it to be.

There is a gruesome children's story about a little girl who ate so much that she could no longer move.  Then it began to rain, and she died of drowning.  Sometimes we try to use terror tactics to get chidren to do what they should do and avoid things that are bad for them.  By the time we're adults, we have forgotten the lessons we were taught as children.  There is nothing of any lasting good to be gained from overeating.  We need to turn away from hat we know is bad to something better.  We need to take seriously the consequences of gluttony and turn toward God, who will help us change our ways.

Today's thought:  I must set my mind on more important things than food!