Baby, You're Amazing

I used to look forward to the start of a new week because it had so much potential, or because I actually had things to do, but now the beginning of the week makes me sad because I know that Al has to go back to work and I'll be stuck home alone again.  I don't like alone very much.  It gets to be quite lonely.  Or maybe it's just my SAD rearing its ugly head again.  Either way, I was just sort of "blah" yesterday.  About the only thing I managed to accomplish aside from doing dishes, was making dinner, and that's because it was a crock pot meal, which I ended up not liking, but Al loved it.  Good thing.  There's plenty leftover for him for dinner tonight, so I don't have to cook.  Yay.

I watched a couple of episodes of some of my shows, but I still have quite a few on the DVR that need viewing, so I guess I will do that today.  I finally finished my book and wrote a book review of it last night, even though a review is really only necessary for Twelve in 12, and I did mine for January already.  I'm starting on my third book for the month.  I'm not sure I'm going to meet my personal goal of reading 200 books this year, but I'm going to give it a good try.  We'll see how many I can knock out.

Got up early this morning and was surprised to see Amy awake and online.  Poor thing is going through some stuff, so I listened and offered advice when she asked me for it, but otherwise I just kept quiet and let her talk.  Sometimes that's all someone needs is just to talk.  And then I fell asleep on her in mid-conversation.  I think I woke up 20-30 minutes later, feeling all kinds of sheepish.  My eyes just closed of their own accord and my body said "Sleep, NOW."  What can you do but obey when your body takes over?  Anyway, she was feeling a bit better after our conversation and went to try and get some sleep.  I tried to go back to bed, but found myself tossing and turning after my unplanned siesta, so I got back up, took a shower, got dressed and went to the library.

I returned the books I read, as well as four others I hadn't yet read, but Amy said they were part of a series and it would make more sense if I read them from the beginning.  Well, I agree with that, so I took them back and took out four of the five books that start the series.  The library didn't have one of them, so I had to put it on order.  I also had to order two of the other Sisterchicks books because the library didn't have those either.  With the book I just started, I figured getting the four books, plus the one other Sisterchicks book they DID have, that was enough.  If I get ahead and still haven't gotten the ordered book, I'll just read some of the books I have stacked up here in the hallway.

Obviously I'm on a major book kick right now.  I hope it lasts.  I really love to read, but you all know how I get sometimes.  My focus and attention span don't always go where I want them to go.

It snowed here last night, and it's still snowing.  The flakes aren't big ones, but they are sticking.  The roads, unplowed as of yet, are crap.  I spun my tires and fishtailed quite a few times on the way to the library and back.  I'm not afraid to drive in the snow, but I really don't like it, so I just drive slow and am extra-careful and if the people behind me don't like it, they can pass me.  Sometimes I'm just like a little old lady.

When I got home, Al was still sleeping, so I woke him up and then proceeded to get chastized for not getting him up earlier so we could go to the Y.  While I would've liked to have gone, I didn't wake him up to go for a few reasons.  1) I wanted to go to the library this morning.  2) I needed to stop and buy cigarettes without him knowing about it cuz I smoked more than I should've yesterday.  3) He went to bed later than I did and I knew he needed sleep.  4) There's snow on the ground and he's going to have to shovel the sidewalk and driveway.  Then he chastized me for not making coffee.

I can't win with him this morning.  Some bug must've crawled up his ass and settled in good while he was sleeping, so I'm just keeping to myself and staying out of his way until the bug passes.

Mom didn't raise a dummy.

I think today I'm just going to watch some television and read for most of the day.  This is a good day for it.

Point to Ponder:  God deserves my best.

Verse to Remember: 2 Timothy 2:15 - Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

Question to Consider:  How can I make the best use of what God has given me?

To be honest, God has given me many gifts, such as the ability to speak in public without having a coronary, the ability to teach and train, the gift of understanding and knowledge about many things, and the list goes on.  I think, for the time being, I can best serve him as a lector or Eucharistic Minister at church.  Maybe when the next school year begins, I can consider where we are financially and with the car situation, and think about teaching again, either with children or RCIA.  I used to love doing both.  I wore many hats when I was a DRE, and I miss it.  I miss being as involved in church life as I was and I want to get back there again.

For now, I think I can best serve God by using my compassion and life experiences when friends come to me with problems or situations.  I don't want to fix them, but rather be there to listen, hold a hand, and if needed, lead them in the right direction.  Maybe that's what God wants me to do for right now.  It's worked with Corri, because I didn't try to fix her.  I was just here for her, when no one else was.  I let her know her behavior was unacceptable and something needed to be done about it, but I didn't try to force it.  She had to come to her need for rehab and sobriety on her own, but I like to think perhaps I lead her in the right direction, just by being here.

When I get hungry, I get nervous and anxious.  I find that I snap at people and have a very short temper.  This is an indication that food is more than just a pleasure; it is an addiction.  To kick an addiction requires restraint and peace.  Jesus Christ promises blessed peace and res to all who come to Him.  It is important for us to rely on the gentle comfort of God when we face the trials of dieting.  God knows what we are going through, and He rejoices when we turn to Him for peace of mind and heart.  It is not vital that we understand how this peace can come to us.  What is important is that we truly believe God will grant it.

Today's thought:  In God, there is peace that is greater than the turmoil caused by our dieting!

I haven't quite gotten there yet.  I have have long said that while my sister's addiction is alcohol, my addiction is food.  I made the mistake of saying that to my mother, and she just looked at me with an exasperated sigh, a roll of her eyes. and said, "You can stop eating."  If only it were that simple.

An alcoholic doesn't NEED alcohol to survive.  A drug addict doesn't NEED drugs to live.  A food addict NEEDS food in order to sustain life.  You can't just stop eating and quit cold turkey, if you'll pardon the expression.  There's no rehab for food addicts.  It's a fine balance to know what to eat and when to eat, without overeating and without getting addicted to foods for comfort or solace or trying to find your inner peace by stuffing your face.

When I get bored or lonely, or upset, I don't overeat, but I do go right for the comfort foods - all the bad carbs and sugars that my body doesn't need.  I don't even eat a full serving of the stuff, but my metabolism can't process these foods like other people can, so I put on weight.  It's difficult to train yourself to not go for the chips, to turn your mind and thoughts to something other than food.

I am praying to find peace and trying to turn to God when my triggers try and turn me to food.  It's not always easy.  I stumble.  I fall.  I crash head-first into the chocolate pound cake on the counter or the bag of chips on top the freezer.  Somedays I hate being me.