BFF Time & Keeping The Faith

12/21/2010

Got up around 6:00 or 6:30 this morning and stayed awake for about two hours before going back to bed. Amy decided to sleep on the couch instead of in the spare room, so I was trying to be quiet enough not to wake her up. She got up anyway, smoked a cigarette and said she wasn't up to going to the gym this morning, then she laid back down and went back to sleep. After giving Jericho his pill around 8:15, I took myself back to bed instead of staying awake. We all slept until a little after 10:00am, got up and had coffee, but I'd already had breakfast when I was up the first time, so the other two had something to eat.

Al had to go out and shovel this morning because it snowed overnight, and then he left for work somewhere around 12:30, about a half an hour later than he usually leaves. I jumped in the shower to do my hair and get dressed and then Amy and I were ready to go out and run some errands. Al called before we left and said he forgot his work keys and he needed them, so we had to drive out to his job and drop them off.

While we were out there, we stopped at Five Guys for lunch. That was the first time either one of us ate there and the hamburgers were really good. Huge, but really good. I smell like onions now. LOL I didn't think much of it until I went to get my eyebrows waxed and the lady was bending over me and breathing on my face while I breathed back into hers. I tried to hold my breath as much as possible. But, my eyebrows are done now, before I go get my eyebrow piercing tomorrow. I figured it would be better to get them done first, rather than try and have someone use hot wax or pluck on a fresh piercing. Ouch.

From there we drove to Wal-Mart and Amy picked up a few food stuff items - bagels and cream cheese, which will cover my breakfast in the morning since I'm out of red raspberry preserves for my rice cakes, come decaf coffee for herself, potatoes for tonight's dinner, and French Vanilla creamer for Al and I since we were almost out. I was going to pay for the creamer myself, but she wouldn't hear of it. Instead, I wound up spending $10 for a package of really cute nose rings. I've lost two in the bedroom already and if I lost the one I was wearing, I'd have been screwed without another ring. I took out the diamond stud I was wearing and now I'm wearing one of the new rings. It's a diamond chip inside of a swirl. It's really cute.

I saved the rest of the money Al gave me - $20 and some change, so that's less money he'll have to give me for the game on Sunday, provided I don't spend it between now and then. That probably isn't going to happen. Obviously, since I haven't mentioned it any further in here, you've all probably figured out that the quitting smoking thing didn't work. It lasted a couple of days before we all broke down and caved in to the cravings. I'd imagine this $20 will likely go for smokes tomorrow, to get me through to Thursday, since Al won't get paid until Friday.

After Wal-Mart, we came back home, put our pajamas on, Amy did the dishes, and we're now settled in to watch Eclipse. Soon I'll have to get up and take my shot and make dinner. I'm making Cajun porkchops tonight. Yummy. Al loves them. Amy said "light on the Cajun" cuz she's not a big fan of spicy food.

I sat down and read my chapter today because I didn't want to miss another day. Not the best chapter, but it's one I'm very familiar with - what St. John referred to as "The Dark Night of the Soul." It's when you can't sense God's presence or feel his hand at work in your life. It's a lonely feeling, but one we all experience as we are tested for our faithfulness.

One of the hardest things to do is keep the faith and trust in God when you can't sense his presence, but God shields himself from us, even though he NEVER leaves us, because he doesn't want us relying on our senses all the time. We are to rely on faith, not sense, no matter how difficult it may be or how much we feel that God has withdrawn from us.

We have to remember a couple of things. First of all, we are called to remember God's unchanging nature and focus on who God is. He loves us and he has promised to NEVER leave us, regardless of what we may be thinking or feeling. We also have to trust in God to keep his promises to us during this dark night of the soul. Finally, we are asked to remember the things that God has already done for us and give thanksgiving for them because he will continue to do for us.

Point to Ponder: God is real, no matter how I feel.

Verse to Remember: Hebrews 13:5 - For God has said, "I will never leave you; I will never abandon you."

Question to Consider: How can I stay focused on God's presence, especially when he feels distant?

One of the things I do, when I actually pay attention and TRY to keep the faith when God is distant, is to focus on holy reminders. I read Christian books because I love Christian fiction. I try and remember God's promises by the cross I wear around my neck. I meditate in church on the crucifix above the altar. I continue to pray, even if I don't feel God nearby.

I'm not always the best when it comes to remembering to pray or to meditate, and sometimes I get swayed by temptations and worldly things when I don't sense God's presence in my life. I really need to work on being better at this, because most of the time, I don't sense God's hand working in my life. I used to feel him so strongly, but now, it's a challenge to keep the faith most of the time.