I think perhaps this latest bout of depression might be on the upswing today, but I'm not sure. I only know that while yesterday I couldn't be bothered to take a shower or get dressed, this morning I got up, read for a while, caught up my gift requests on Facebook, and then I jumped into the shower. Granted, I got right back into a clean pair of pajamas, but I showered and even did my hair before getting jammie-clad once more.
My headache is still there, but it's not as painful or blinding as it was yesterday, and I'm not showing any signs of the nausea that plagued me last night. Oh, but it was awful. I had that tin taste in my mouth and kept salivating, just like you do before you upchuck, but I never did actually throw up. I managed to stay awake until Al got home from work and finish watching the rebroadcast of yesterday's Oprah, and then I went to bed. Got back up at around 1:30 or 1:45am, felt a little better, did some Facebook and kept falling asleep at the computer, so Al made me go back to bed. Probably a good idea. Slept until about 6:00am today.
Nothing much is on the agenda for today, and I really don't have much to discuss from yesterday either, but I've gotten into the habit of writing something every day, and I'd prefer not to let it go. I want to keep up the momentum.
Today's Purpose Driven Life chapter is on repairing broken relationships.
Point to Ponder: Relationships are always worth restoring.
Verse to Remember: Romans 12:18 - Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody.
Question to Consider: Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today?
As I was reading the chapter, I kept thinking about Barbara. She and I used to be friends when we worked together at the church. She was one of my catechists, but I made her my unofficial assistant because she was always very helpful.
Barbara and I had a falling out when I was living in Florida with Corri that one summer. She was very opinionated that I should not have stayed in Florida and should've come home to let Corri handle her own problems. At one point during a particular conversation, she asked if she could give me her opinion and that was the opening I needed. I told her I'd really rather she didn't. I was staying in Florida until I was ready to come back home.
I think that's when everything snapped. Or at least, she snapped. She and I both hung up the phone feeling badly, although to be honest, I was more pissed than feeling bad. I realize that everyone has different ideas on how to handle various situations, and I respect those ideas, but I also have my own ideas on how to handle things, especially where my sister is concerned, because she is so much like my child sometimes, and not just my sister.
I felt, and still do feel, that my staying there was the right thing to do at the time. I wasn't trying to fix her problems for her, or even handle them for her. Mostly I was just there so that she'd feel safe and secure and have some modicum of familiarity in her life after Sean beat the crap out of her and she wound up in jail on the domestic violence charge.
Now, in retrospect, I can see where it is possible, knowing how violent she can be when she is drinking, and both she and Sean were drinking during that incident, that perhaps my sister may have instigated that particular episode. At this point, it really doesn't matter which one of them did because it's all in the past and needs to remain there, but Corri needed to feel safe, that Sean wasn't going to come back after her again, or break into the apartment to try and steal Snarf and Dina, which he threatened to do. My presence there let her mind rest easy so she could focus on the anger management classes she had to take as a result of her arrest, and focus on the job she had at the time. That's all I was there for, so to try and tell me that I didn't belong there and needed to come home and let her deal with her own mess was wrong, in my opinion. I did no fixing or cleaning up of her mess. I gave her no money, save my contribution toward groceries because I was living there, too. Other than that, she foot the bill for everything. Mom and Dad were the ones who coughed up the money to bail her out of jail and whatnot. I was just moral support at a time when she needed it.
Barbara stuck her nose in where it didn't belong, because I didn't ask for her advice or opinion, and her nose got bent out of joint when I wouldn't take it unsolicited. From there, things escalated and she got mad about how much work she was doing to help me out at the school when she wasn't being paid for it, how I spoke to her and her son, and a whole lot of other things.
Now, I'll admit, I can be short with people sometimes, especially when I'm under pressure, and during class times, I was always under pressure, but I am not short with people on purpose and I don't talk down to people on purpose either, but that's what she was intimating that I was doing.
The truth of the matter was, Barbara and I didn't have the same type of friendship we started long before this incident took place. I liked her, but I am not a phone person. I don't like to sit on the phone and gab for hours on end, and I especially don't like it when the person I'm talking to is always whining or complaining about something. Barbara is an emotional vampire and I couldn't meet the needs she had because talking to her always drained me. Fortunately, she struck up a close friendship with Diane & Steve and their family, and became a de-facto part of their family. The pressure was off me and I was fine with that. I still am fine with that.
Barbara and I are not really friends anymore. Al can tolerate her in small doses, but he really doesn't like her much, and truth be told, he cannot stand her son. I have issues with her son. As an only child, he was always around adults, and he grew into the habits of his mother, particularly sticking his nose and opinions where they didn't belong, especially as a minor in adult conversations. Aside from that, he's a nice enough kid. I just can't tolerate him for long and Al, not at all. It's one of the reasons we don't go to parties at Steve & Diane's house anymore, because we know that Barbara and her son will be there and it will be draining.
I cannot afford to be around people who drain me. I just can't. I drain easily enough as it is.
I don't really feel like this is a broken relationship, just a relationship that drifted apart naturally over the course of time, so why is it that I'm suddenly feeling like I have to make amends? I think this is something I'm going to have to pray on, but not just pray on, talk to my priest about when I go to confession. I'd like to get my priest's opinion on the matter.
Yes, the fact that she drains me and Al isn't really fond of her and her kid means that we don't spend a lot of time with Steve & Diane, whom we both like very much. I keep thinking that really, the relationship that needs repairing might be the one we have with them because we always turn down their invitations anymore. But when we do go over there, we can handle Barbara and even her son, as long as it's in small doses.
Maybe I'm just trying to justify this to myself.
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