Digging Out

Would you believe we are STILL not completely dug out from Snowgasm 2011?  Al quit shoveling yesterday afternoon with a wall of snow and ice firmly planted in front of my car to prevent me from going anywhere, and a nice little snow and ice enclosure all around his car so even HE can't get out.  He's going to TRY and go to work today because his company is open, but it's 10:00am and he's just NOW going outside to try and dig us out the rest of the way.

Mom said the main roads are still crappy, and to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I really want to go anywhere if they are, but unfortunately, we have some running around to do.  We've got to go to the NEX and get cigarettes since all three of us are nearly out, and I need to pick up two prescriptions.  We need to go to the Social Security office and apply for a new Social Security card for Corri.  We have to go to the library and cancel her library card and get her a new one of those too.  They're all part of the things that were stolen from her purse when she was at Colleen's.  At some point, we also have to go to the courthouse and get her a new copy of her birth certificate as well.

I could slap Colleen silly for stealing Corri's things.  Her and Jason both.  One of the two of them did it, and since we found SOME of her wallet things in Colleen's house, I am CERTAIN the rest of her things were stolen and are probably there somewhere as well.  See, now I'm going to have to spend money I don't have to replace some of these things that need replacing, like the library card and the birth certificate.  It's not a lot of money, but that isn't the point.  It's senseless to have to spend anything for this stuff.

Corri and I are planning to go to the YMCA today, after Al digs us out, if he is indeed able to dig us out of the snow and ice walls surrounding our cars.  I feel bad, however, that Al gave up digging yesterday because that meant that Corri had to miss her SAP class today.  That's not fair to her.

Speaking of Al, he and I had a serious conversation last night and he didn't like what I had to say.  I told him that I had given up cybering and online involvements because they weren't good for our marriage or for my relationship with God.  He just kind of nodded and was like, "Good for you."  His upset with me came when I asked him why I buy him the Stephen King books he wants so much if he isn't going to read them because he spends all his time reading sex stories online, copying and pasting them into Word and then saving them - and for what?  He tells me that when he reads those things, he thinks of me, they're his fantasies.  I told him no, they aren't your fantasies.  Those are other people's fantasies and you're reading them.

He used to write me poetry.  He no longer does that.  I told him if he wanted to write his own fantasies for his own private use, that was another thing entirely, but I don't want him reading other people's stuff.  It's not good for our marriage.  He said some nasty things to me about me bending over and letting him do me up the butt, or drive down the road without my shirt on, and I told him that wasn't fair.  He knows, and has known, how I feel about those things. If he wants to fantasize about them, fine.  Fantasize.  Just don't expect me to do them, and don't go reading other people's crap and expect me to do those either.

Truthfully, I don't know if he's going to stop or not.  I just wish he would.  No.  I PRAY he will.

Everytime I talk to him about stuff like this, he gets all pissy with me.  He says I'm like a dog with a bone and I don't let go of it.  Well I don't, until I get an answer.  When I first brought it up, he gave me some lazy half-assed answer about how he reads all these newspapers online and he wants to read short, quick things, not a book.  That wasn't a good enough answer for me, and that was when I brought up his reading those adult stories.  I told him for all the "short, quick reading" he does, including those stupid stories, and all the time he spends copying and pasting them into new documents, editing their spelling and grammar, he could be sitting and actually reading the books he wanted.  He had no answer for that, other than to get pissy and jumpy and I could tell he was starting to act like a caged animal who'd been trapped.  There was no way out for him but the truth and he doesn't like that.

All I want is a normal marriage with a normal husband who puts God in our marriage as much as I want him there.  Is that TOO much to ask?  Al claims he wants a normal marriage too, but I fear his definition of normal and mine are two different things.

Both Elizabeth Hasselbeck on The View and Amy have recommended "The Five Love Languages."  I've never read it, but I've heard a lot about it.  I know already that Al's language of love is mostly physical.  Everything revolves around sex with him.  Always has.  Always will.  He starts getting pissy if he doesn't get it regularly.  I'm not exactly sure what my love language is.  It's something I'm going to have to discover by reading that book.  I ordered it from the library today.

I had to take a momentary pause in my writing to go out and run our errands.  We made it to the NEX, the YMCA for a workout, and to the library.  Corri wants to go to an AA meeting tonight, so it looks like I'll be going out again later.  It sucks going out because I had a heck of a time backing my car into the carport with the obstacle course of snow in the road and out in front of my house.  I don't think I'll be backing in tonight.

Well, I guess I need to go do some dishes and do a load of laundry that consists solely of my Bears jacket and mittens.  I do believe Shiloh peed on it, cuz it smells like cat piss.  That smell better come out of the jacket, that's all I can say.  It cost me too much to be ruined. I'll be pissed if it is.  No pun intended.

Today's devotional was about the Lord as the lover of my soul.  That's an image I struggle with.  I know he loves me with an everlasting love, but I guess because I've never known that kind of love in this existence, I have nothing to base it on.  I mean, I know Al loves me and he will always love me, but he gets pissy and moody, and he can be short and condescending.  He's not perfect the way the Lord is perfect.  His love isn't perfect.  It doesn't fill me and make me giddy or weak-kneed.  It doesn't make me deleriously happy the way the perfect love of God should make me feel.  So how do you accept this wonderful, perfect love, when you have no basis?

There was a girl by the name of Jennifer who was always getting herself into trouble because she couldn't say no.  She had absolutely no resistance to any temptation.  Then she met Beth.  Beth was able to be a voice of reason and common sense for Jennifer.  Jennifer knew that if she was tempted, Beth would get her through.  Jesus Christ can be to us what Beth was to Jennifer; He can be our voice of reason.  Whenever we feel ourselves being tempted, we need to turn toward Him.  He is able to keep us from falling.  When we find ourselves too weak to handle a situation, we can rest assured that Jesus is indeed strong enough.

Today's thought:  Jesus can keep me on the right track!