If You Want to Change, Change Your Mind

Al and I spent a lovely New Year's Day together.  We didn't do anything, really, except watch television, play on the computers, and talk.  I love it when we talk.  I'm convinced my husband is slightly crazy.  He has this Weird Al Yankovic ability to make up lyrics to other songs, and usually they are very dirty, but they always make me laugh and look at him like he's lost his ever-loving mind.  I love the way he makes me laugh.  And he just pops up with this stuff, out of the clear blue, sometimes in mid-conversation, if the urge strikes him.  His favorite subject to write lyrics about right now are my breasts.  He started calling me Sweet Tits a few months ago, so that's my latest nickname, and almost always, he tosses that into his songs.  I'm telling you, the man is nuts, but oh how we laugh.

It's been really nice, spending the holidays with just the two of us, after the usual perfunctory appearances at the family gatherings.  I never thought I would like spending holidays away from my family, but I do.  I don't have to spend 24/7 with them during holidays in order to enjoy them.  In fact, I think it's better that I don't.  There's less chance of us getting on each other's nerves that way.

Do you know it took me five times yesterday to post my diary entry?  For some reason, the first few paragraphs of my entry were hidden from publishing.  I had to click on the Source button and go line by line, checking the html code until I found the problem.  It was bizarre.  I didn't write the entry in html, but for some reason, there was a command tossed in to hide those paragraphs.  I was starting to get pissed, until I discovered the problem and fixed it.  It's a good thing I still remember some of the coding I taught myself.  Let's hope it doesn't happen again today.

I've started organizing myself this year.  In the spiral notebook I am using as a calendar, I have made lists of what needs to be done each day, no matter how small the item.  I added things in like "morning shot" and "give Jericho his morning pill" and "take a shower."  I figure if I keep up with my lists, not only am I going to avoid missing something or forgetting to do something, I'm holding myself accountable for each and every thing I have to do during the day.  No excuses for not doing things.

This morning we got up and had breakfast, I got my shot an hour before and took my pills afterward, although I should probably write "test my blood" on that list, too, because that's something I always forget to do.  Pitiful for a diabetic.

After we ate and had coffee, Al and I got dressed and headed out of the house for the YMCA.  Al walks the treadmill with me, right beside me, and he monitors my progress.  I only walk half a mile before I get bored and my legs get crampy, but it's a start.  Today I started out walking at a speed of 2.5 for the first lap or quarter mile, and then dropped it down to 2.0 for the second half.  My shins and calves get very sore walking at the faster pace.  I'd have done another lap, but I just couldn't force myself to do it.  My goal is to be able to walk the full mile in 30 minutes or less.  Al thinks I'll be able to do it in a month, but I'm not so sure.  It may take me a bit longer.  I am really out of shape and just beginning this workout routine all over again.  It might take time.

When I finished on the treadmill, I switched to the NuStep machine and did 1K steps in about 11 minutes and some change.  I won't do less than 1K.  From there I did some resistance training for my inner thighs and then some butterfly presses, which are good for my arms and chest muscles.

Our total workout was 45 minutes, which Al thought was enough for the first day back, especially because I had broken a sweat and was huffing pretty well.  I probably could've gone on another machine or two for another 15 minutes, but he doesn't want to push me.  That whole "no pain, no gain" mentality is a lot of crap, in his opinion.  So 45 minutes and out today.  It's a start, I suppose.

From there we stopped at Walmart because we needed a couple of grocery items, as well as cornish hens for dinner tonight.  It's what Al has a taste for, I guess.  Came back home, cleaned out the cat litter box, which is always a stinky joy, had some lunch, and now we're settled in and watching football for the day.

Bears vs. Packers at 3:15pm.  Should be a good game.  At least I hope it'll be a good game.  The Bears don't NEED to win, they've already taken the division title, but it would be nice if they won, especially against the Packers.

Point to Ponder:  It is never too late to start growing.

Verse to Remember:  Romans 12:2b - Let God transform you inwardy by a complete change of your mind.  Then you will be able to know the will of God - what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.

Question to Consider:  What is one area where I need to stop thinking my way and start thinking God's way?

How about every area?  Well, maybe not.  I have been making an efforct to not be selfish or self-centered and narcissistic anymore.  It's not ALWAYS about me and my wants.  But this chapter wasn't just about thinking my way versus God's way, it was about how making changes in your life require a change of your mind before the change will take place and stick.

I can force myself to diet and go to the gym, but if I don't change my mind about how I think of those two things, neither good habit will stick over the long haul, and that's what I have to focus on - changing my mindset.  Reminds me of that Sister Hazel song about changing your mind if you want to be somebody else.

I think one of my biggest stumbling blocks that get in the way of me deepening my relationship with God is chat.  I haven't been able to give it up, probably because I don't want to give it up.  I have friends there.  it's an outlet for me, not for sex, though that is there too, but to have contact with other people during the day and night when I'm home alone.  When Al gets home, or is home for any length of time, I spend almost no time there.  Maybe I need to start looking at this from a different perspective.  I'm never really alone, if God is always with me, and maybe I should be focusing on spending more time with him in the quiet of the day, than with other people who tempt me to do things I shouldn't.

It's an on-going battle for me.

A young man dreamed that he was standing before a table spread with a wide array of tantalizing foods.  Beyond the table stood Jesus.  The young man began eating the food, and he became completely engrossed in his consumption.  When he finished, Jesus was gone, and he didn't know where to look to find Him.

Whenever we engage in gluttony of any kind, our attention is turned from Christ to our own selfish wants.  There should be nothing more important in our lives than doing what is pleasing to God.  He wants us to be the best we can possibly be.  Food, and our love of food, should always take a second place to our love of the Lord.

Today's thought:  Eating pleases me; dieting pleases God!

I don't think I overdid it yesterday with the food consumption.  I did have a semi-large piece of chocolate pound cake after lunch because my blood sugar had dropped low and I got the shakes.  I drank a glass of orange juice with my cake to give my sugar a boost, but other than that, I didn't snack between meals or eat junk.

Am I really on a diet?  I wouldn't call it that.  I prefer to look at it as trying to eat healthier and live a healthier lifestyle.  That's why I'm pushing the YMCA with Al and why I am being conscious of every morsel of food going into my mouth.  I won't bore anyone with lists of what I ate each day, but in this particular section of my diary, I may have thoughts about eating and different foods that I want to share or remember later on.  I want to put things down in black and white so I can look at my attitude toward food and eating, and pinpoint where my problem areas are.

A whole new year.  A whole new me.  That's the goal.  In more ways than one.