Snoozin' - On a Thursday Afternoon

I'm getting late with these entries, but I wanted to actually have something to say when I wrote.  Normally I like writing in the morning when I'm awake, but I don't always have things to write about when it's real early.

I woke up at 4am this morning, and I'm not exactly sure why.  I couldn't go back to sleep, but when I sat down at the computer, I found myself snoozing at the laptop, which wasn't really the best thing in the world.  I fell asleep with a lit cigarette and found it on my carpet with a nice little burn mark.  I don't usually do that.  It's Al who burns things, but apparently this was my time.  I'm just glad God was watching out for me and all it did was melt a little spot on the carpet, which you can't even see unless you're looking for it.  Once Al moves the furniture around, you won't be able to see it at all.  Believe me, I'm going to make sure THAT doesn't happen again.

Woke Al at 7am, which I really hated doing, but we went to court to meet up with Mom, Dad, and Corri.  This was her court case for her DUI and car accident.  The case was continued as they try to plea her out.  Now she's got to get the Indiana case continued until after the Illinois one because the lawyer thinks he'll be able to get her supervision with a drug and alcohol program.  Kind of silly, given she's just been in rehab, but whatever they have to do i whatever they have to do.  The thing is, if she has a conviction for DUI in Indiana, it won't go well for her here in Illinois, so the lawyer wants her to get that other case continued.

As it stands right now, Amy, Corri and I are driving to Kentucky to stay with Diane the night before Corri's Indiana court case.  Until she finds out if they'll continue the case, presumably because she's still in rehab, we're on for the trip.  She's going to be talking to that lawyer ASAP to see what can be done.  If they continue the case, then things will work out for her in Illinois and we won't need to make that drive.

So that's where that stands.

After court, Al and I drove to the credit union to deposit my check.  Imagine my surprise when I discovered someone deposited $129 and change to my checking account.  I have no idea where that money came from, but I'm not spending it.  I'm just going to leave it in the account for a while and not count on the money being there.  I took $20 cash back and that's all I'm going to have in my possession.  Actually I don't even have that anymore.  We stopped at the gas station on the way home because I had to buy cigarettes and I spent $10 of it.  That's fine.  I don't really have anything I'm going to buy anyway, so it's just there so I have some cash in my possession.  I always like to have a little in my wallet... just in case.

My Chicago Bears body pillow came in today, so I'm really excited about that.  The first thing Al said to me was, "What did you buy now?"  "I didn't buy anything.  Amy said she was sending me two things.  The first was my book nightshirt.  This is the second."  That shut him up real fast and kept him from going off on me.

Shoot.  He just called and I meant to tell him I did actually buy something today.  I bought from Amazon, a women's bible study and devotional called "A Woman After God's Own Heart."  It's a three-book set that has a workbook as well as the bible study.  Amy and I are going to do the study together, so I have to wait for her to get hers and wait for mine to come in, too, before we can start.  I'm taking my spiritual life very seriously and want to get back into the Word, as well as back into church and ministry.  I think it'll be fun to do this with Amy, as well as good for our relationships with God.  It's always better to have a spiritual partner in things.  Even though Amy and I are of two different "religions" as it were, we're both Christian and believe in the same God.  Plus, I think it'll be nice for us each to share our perspectives.  It will definitely open us both up to other points of view, and possibly give us each new insights that we might not have come up with on our own, and it's a very ecumenical thing to do.  Jesus did pray, after all, that we'd all become one.

The cats have taken over my couch again.  Three cushions.  Three cats.  One on each cushion.  I told Corri good luck finding a place to sit when she comes home.  LOL

After Al left for work, I laid down on the couch to read and wound up with my book on my chest because I zonked right out.  I didn't wake up until almost 4pm.  Apparently I needed the sleep.  It breaks up my day, at any rate, to nap like that, and I'm sure it happens for several reasons:  the overcast, gloomy looking days kick up my SAD, and frankly, I am bored.  My book isn't boring.  I've been zipping through this one like nobody's business.  I just started it and I'm already 3/4 of the way through it.  I just love these Sisterchicks books.

I haven't done the dishes, although I suppose I will get to that sooner or later.  Right now I'm just not in the mood to do them.  I'm still kind of groggy, even as I type this.  I told Al that I don't particularly feel like cooking tonight.  I really don't.  I'm just sort of "blah."  Maybe I'll do pizza tonight, instead of Friday night, and he can eat the leftover chicken from last night's meal.  Then I'll make the chili for dinner tomorrow night.  That actually sounds like a really good plan.  Quick.  Easy.  No muss.  No fuss.  Just the way I like it.

My brother called me and the search for a car is on.  Right now he's looking at another Malibu, one with the new body style.  Al is going to flip out if that happens.  He said no more Malibus, but beggars can't be choosers.  If not a Malibu, possibly an Impala.  We'll see.  It could wind up being something completely different than either one of those things.  I don't know yet if we're going to have to trade in our current ride for this one or if he's able to get it for me with no money down.  He said the banks have loosened up a bit.  Bob is going to call me tomorrow and let me know what he was able to find, so we can go on Saturday to pick up the new car.  We shall see.

More to write today than I thought I'd have.  Go me.

So now that I've finished The Purpose Driven Life, I'm going to put it aside for a while, and maybe check back with it in six months or a year to see where I am spiritually since reading that book.  It's definitely given me a lot to think about, as well as taking me to task for the things I've been lacking in my spiritual life.  Until my devotional book, God Chicks, arrives, and the bible study I'm going to do with Amy, I wanted something to keep my spiritual momentum going.  I really am trying to live a God-centered life.  I want this change in my life. I want to be fully committed to Christ in my life.  What to do then, to fill the empty spaces where The Purpose Driven Life once was?

If you've been reading me and paying attention to the books I've been reading and the things I've said, you all know that I totally LOVE the Sisterchicks books.  Last month, I picked up a little Sisterchicks devotional book, so I thought I could start there.  The book is filled with little vignettes that describe a particular theme. 

The first theme and story was about worship. 

As a Catholic, I tend to be a bit reserved in my worship of God.  It's personal and private, the way my soul sings its praise, but every now and then, I get the urge to break out and do something that is out of the ordinary to show God that he IS the Lord of my life and Creator of all things.  I sing at the top of my lungs to familiar Christian hymns and contemporary music when I listen to it.  I can remember one time that I was at Adoration and I felt like I wanted to prostrate myself before the Blessed Sacrament, but I didn't because there were other people around.  I have even had that feeling when I've been in the church by myself at my old parish.  I never did it, however, because I was very self-conscious.  I wasn't sure if it really was a spontaneous burst of wanting to worship or if it was for show.  I second guessed myself.  I didn't want people to see me do this when I was in their presence, but even alone, I didn't want God to think I was being fake.  Maybe that was Satan telling me it was fake, just so I wouldn't do it.  I don't know.  Only God knows for sure.

I don't have many instances of wanting to express my worship in that way, and perhaps I've stifled the urges in myself because I have grown a bit introverted and reserved.  Perhaps it's also because Catholics just don't do that, but then I question myself.  Why don't they?  Why must we be so formal and stifle the natural urges to really sing out and show our praise of our Lord?  I don't have an answer for that.  Perhaps I never will.  I won't change "religions," because I know I'm on the right path for me, but I still question these things.

The bible is filled with examples of people who have not been afraid to be the true and authentic selves in praise of the Lord.

• 2 Samuel 6:14 - Then David, girt with a linen apron, came dancing before the Lord with abandon.


• 2 Chronicles 6:13 - He had made a bronze platform five cubits long, five cubits wide, and three cubits high, which he had placed in the middle of the courtyard.  Having ascended it, Solomon knelt in the presence of he whole of Israel and stretched forth his hands toward heaven.


• Psalm 95:6 - Enter, let us bow down in worship; let us kneel before the Lord who made us.


• Ezekiel 43:2-4 - And there I saw the glory of the God of Israel coming from the east.  I heard a sound like the roaring of many waters, and the earth shone with his glory.  The vision was like that which I had seen when he came to destroy the city, and like that which I had seen by the river Chebar.  I fell prone as the glory of the Lord entered the temple by way of the gate which faces the east.

Reading these verses in Scripture tells me that liturgical dance is right and acceptable to God.  Stretching forth the hands toward heaven, kneeling, and lying prostrate or prone before the Lord are all expressions that were done by the faithful in the bible.  There's nothing wrong with me having those urges and they shouldn't be stifled.

• Mary, the Mother of Jesus, wasn't stifled.  In her canticle, Luke 1:46-55, she vocally sings her praises to the Lord.


• David was declaring his joy at trusting in God in Psalm 27:6.  Even now my head is held high above my enemies on every side!  I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and chant praises to the Lord.


• God tells us, via Paul, what he wants us to do in Romans 12:1.  I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship.

What does all this mean to me?  It means that I shouldn't second guess my urges to let loose in my praise and worship.  I shouldn't quell the urges of my soul, regardless of who is around.  It may take me some time to stop being self-conscious, but worship isn't about me, or about anyone else who is around.  It's about God, the only One who matters.

Talk to Jesus.  Seriously, He is waiting to listen to you and help you in your struggle to lose weight.  Sometimes we wrstle with the urge to cheat on our diets until we are emotional wrecks.  This happens most often when we are alone, with no one to talk to.  Don't forget, Chrit is always with you, and He is as close as prayer.  Tell Him how difficult it is.  Let Him know your struggle, and He will indeed comfort you.  There is never a time in our ives when Jesus is not interested in everything that is happening to us.  Call upon Him, confess Him as Lord, and you will be saved!

Today's thought:  Jesus is as close as a prayer!

After I wrote this, I realized that while I've been praying, I really haven't been praying for help with my diet struggles.  I've been trying to pray for others instead of praying for myself - except for the car thing, but that also benefits Al and Corri if we get a second car.  But I also realized I was typing this out as I was finishing a milkshake I asked Al to bring me last night, and I'm munching on some Raisinets.  I'm sabotaging myself with my cheating, but also by not praying for strength in this struggle, and losing weight IS indeed a struggle.  If Jesus wants to hear all about my fight to lose the extra weight, then by gosh, I'm going to let him hear it and give him the opportunity to help me.