Snow, Snow Everywhere

After our Snowgasm the other day, there are mounds of snow as far as the eye can see.  Most roads are one lane only, because the plows had nowhere to go with all that snow.  Just a couple of the roads did they actually manage to get half of the second lane open.  Our housing complex is just absolute crap.  They've got a dump truck coming, I guess, to take the snow out, but right now, the only place for Al to park is in the snow enclosure, directly behind my car, so I'm blocked in.

I took Corri to SAP this morning, using Al's car, and I had a heck of a time getting it out of that parallel parked space between the snow piles. When I got back, I just pulled in directly behind my car so I didn't have to try and parallel park it back in the same spot.  I can't be bothered with doing what Al does.  I take the easy way.  Normally, parking that way would leave the back end of the car in the street and vulnerable to being hit, but since the snow mounds are in the way, the car is protected.  Al can worry about backing out when he leaves for work.

He is totally grumpy this morning.  Because of the snow day, yesterday he had to punch in early and he didn't get home until about 2:20am this morning.  He's had maybe four or five hours of sleep and it makes him a complete crabass.  I went and bought cigarettes yesterday, but he usually buys them, and honestly, we want him to go buy the cartons he usually buys because otherwise we're going to run out of cigarettes well before he or I get paid again.  With the new car payment on my car, it's unlikely that I'm going to have money for cigarettes at all.  Well, he doesn't want to go do that before he goes to work.  He said it'll have to wait until tomorrow.  Whatever.  He didn't have to get snippy about it.  He needs to mail some things for Corri as well, because he forgot to mail them yesterday.  And he needs to go get gas before he goes to work.  But what is he doing now?  Playing games on the computer instead of getting into the shower so he can do all the things he needs to get done.  I'm telling you, he is the world's worst procrastinator.

I told him that the plan for tomorrow is to take Corri to the plasma donation center so she can donate and make some money.  They open at 8am and she pretty much needs to be there when they open in order to get seen right away.  I told Al it would be nice if he would get up and go with her so he can donate and make some money, too.  We could certainly use it.

Momentary pause.

So Al thinks that I am heading down "Bible road," and it scares him.  I just let him have his say and listened carefully to everything.  Not only does he think that, he says I'm "changing" again, that I have an incessant need to create and re-create myself over and over again and he doesn't know where I'm coming from right now.  That scares him too.

After he finished speaking, I told him that I'm not heading down "Bible road,"as he put it.  I'm not asking him to read the Bible or study scripture with me.  I've been very clear that in our marriage, I want God to be the driving force that leads us.  I've always said that and I've never changed from that position.  Ever.  All I've ever asked of him is to go to church with me.  That's all I'll ever ask of him in that regard.  His relationship with God is his relationship with God.  I can't change it, fix it, or assume anything about it.  It's between him and God to work out.  Not my business.  All I can do is ask him to go to church with me.

He accused me of attacking his reading when I asked him to stop with the sex stories.  Well, I didn't attack, but yes, I did ask him to stop those.  I'm sorry, but it's pornography, in my opinion, and I don't think he needs to be reading it.  This wasn't the first time I've asked him to stop.  It probably won't be the last.

In truth, I think my husband is a sex addict.  At the very least, he's just flat out oversexed, but I think he's truly an addict.  Before the stories, it was porn pictures of women.  He'd look at them and copy them and save them to his computer.  And then he'd take the stories and add pictures he'd saved that he thought were appropriate to the story.  I mean come on.  Is that REALLY necessary to do, especially when there are OTHER things, more IMPORTANT things, that need doing around the house?  When there are other, less offensive, things he could be reading?  I don't think I'm asking for the world here. 

Like I told him, if he wants to write his own fantasies about me and him, fine.  I don't care.  That's for him, or even for him and I to share.  But don't go reading other people's crap.  Don't spend hours cutting and pasting and saving the stories to edit their spelling and grammar.  Don't keep their crap.  It's completely unnecessary, and in MY opinion, it's wrong.  Looking at and reading pornography of any kind is WRONG.  That is MY opinion and I'm entitled to it.  I'm his wife.  I'm entitled to share my opinions with him.  If he respected me or our marriage, he'd take those opinions to heart, just like I try to do with HIS suggestions and opinions.

I have a feeling this is going to be an on-going saga and battle between us.  All this talking today is because I told him I ordered the Five Love Languages from the library, and when I go in to pick up my book, I'm going to pick up the Five Love Languages for Men and I'd like him to read it.  Apparently I've done something wrong by asking him to read it while I read my book.

Enough of that.

Corri and I are going back to the YMCA today for another workout.  We're also going to the Social Security office so we can order her a new Social Security card, since that was one of the things stolen from her purse while she was at Colleen's house.

I'm pissed off all over again, thinking about how her "friend" stole her stuff and wrote on her, but Corri showed me something last night that REALLY got my ire up.  I bought her, for Christmas, this Wizard of Oz purse from Etsy.  It cost me a pretty penny because it's hand made, but she loves it.  Colleen, because I doubt seriously that Jason did it, took a lipstick and scribbled all over the inside of Corri's purse.  We're hoping that we can get it to come out in the wash, but I'm not kidding.  The lipstick was literally dragged back and forth over the inside.  I just don't understand that kind of behavior.  I really don't.  And then, when we picked Corri up that morning, Colleen made this big show of how much she LOVES Corri and blah, blah, blah.

I have just one word for her:  Pathetic.  With friends like that, Corri doesn't need any enemies.

I slept for crap last night.  I went to bed at like 9:30pm, but I was up from 1am-2:30am.  Al got home around 2:20am.  I stayedup with him for a few minutes and then I went back to bed.  When I got up this morning, around 6:30am, I must've still been tired because even though I had a couple of cups of coffee and my rice cakes for breakfast, my eyes just would not focus.  I couldn't read anything.  My eyes kept trying to shut, so I wound up going back to bed and Corri had to come in and wake me at 8:30am.  By then, at least, I could read, but it was too late for us to do our meditations and devotions.  We're going to do them later, probably after lunch or after we do our running around, so I guess I'll put this entry on hold until we do them, so I can add my devotionals to the end.

Today's devotion was about how and where we meet God in a quiet place.  I don't have a special chair to sit and snuggle into.  I don't light candles or sit and have a cup of tea.  I find it very difficult to quiet my mind enough to pray, let alone listen or write out a list of my gratitudes or blessings received.  In truth, when yesterday passes, it's gone.  I know only about today.

Quieting my mind to spend time with the Lord is something I have to seriously work on making happen.  Maybe one of these days I'll actually be abe to shut off my brain enough to hear the small, still voice speaking to me and pressing things upon my heart.

I remember trying to fly a kite at the beach once.  I would run as hard as I could in the sand, and it felt like I wasn't getting anywhere.  I couldn't run fast enough to keep the kite aloft.  Often dieting feels the same way.  The harder we try, the farther we seem from our goal.  It really doesn't seem worth all the effort it takes.  However, we need to hold on.  When I tried to fly my kite, a sudden gust of wind came and took it high into the sky.  The Holy Spirit of God comes to us just like a gust of wind, helping us reach our goals and making the result well worth the effort.

Today's thought:  Jesus will give us the extra lift we need to lose weight!