i listen to my music at high volumes...deal with it
well since my lovely update yesterday, i am very happy to say that nothing bad happened last night while my boyfriend was out. however, i still have that horrible feeling *sigh* i knew he was going to go out again tonight but i was hoping since he had to work he would change his mind. i guess not.
i hate feeling so paranoid about this but from what he told me today i think they are going to the casino tonight...and he can't afford to lose money. we are trying to buy a house and i know if he goes he will spend a lot of money. and once again if i say anything he will tell me that everything will be okay and not to worry about it. but this is our future he is messing with.
now i know some people may be wondering why he didn't just invite me to go out last night. well there are 2 main reasons:
1 - i'm not 21 yet
2 - his friend doesn't exactly like me. he actually would rather me not be in the picture at all. i guess he is dwelling on the past (high school) because he says i was a bitch to him when i never even talked to him back then. so whatever i guess...
plus from what i understand last night/tonight is all just a guys night. i kind of don't believe that but i'll let that one go. i know my boyfriend would never do anything to ruin what we have which makes me feel a lot better (and yes i know for sure, for reasons i can't post on here. want to know? message me)
ah! i just wish i could shake this feeling. and to make matters worse, it is thursday...the day my dream took place on. that puts an even worse feeling in my stomache because i don't want it to come true. i feel like i am continuously venting about stupid pointless shit in these entries but i can't really help it right now. this is the one place i can write about everything and i know that no one will see it. no one i talk to really knows i have this
*sigh* i think i'm going to go for a bike ride. maybe that will take my mind off of everything.
::end of story::
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