 its been awhile pt. 2
it continues.....
3) my brother. he is the only person who i am ever afraid of disappointing, but right now he is in hawaii for work. he calls our mom every sunday to see how she is and how the family is, he even asks about me, but he never calls me to ask me. he only calls me if he needs me to do something for him back here. he doesn't call to see how i am or what has been going on. it is really upsetting. i miss my brother and when i call the entire call is one sided. its always just me talking to him, never him asking me how things are going.
what makes it worse is that my mom seems to favor him over me. she says that he is doing so well for himself, and that he has his life together with a good head on his shoulders. even his screw-ups don't matter, he can never do anything to mess up.
but the minute i do something she doesn't like, it seems like the end of the world. even the smallest screw-up, like walking on the wrong side of the road, would tear her apart. i just don't get it. and personally i'm sick of it. i know parents aren't supposed to play favorites but it seems like my mom does. i hate it, i hate the fact that everything i do is under a microscope all the time.
so i made a choice, a big one actually, and i'm hoping it works for me.
i am going to save up some money, putting almost all of my check into it. i'm going to start looking at schools again and i'm going to make myself go by reminding myself that i want to be out of my mom's microscope. i want to do better for myself and for my future. this is one way i can start doing that.
::on that note i have some errands to do. i'll try to update this a little more::
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