take me home.

09/24/2010

I am extremely discouraged right now.
I just came from class, and feel like a complete fake.
some people write with such ease,
like it takes them no time to write something so perfect.
I long to be them.
instead I feel like everything I attempt turns to shit.
my life is shit.
I know I said things were looking good,
but I lied.
its been six weeks since I've seen the doctor,
and I have three more to go before I do.
I am in serious need of some therapy,
but I am not one to openly complain & ask for help.
I am tired.
I am worn.
I am so weary,
that I just don't know what to do.

in the past two months
I've lost a boyfriend,
and my best friend.
and while, both were probably for the better.
I feel so alone, it is incredible.

I have my sister,
the bipolar sister who now needs to perhaps be admitted.
nothing I have to say matters to her.
its always her.
and I am so tired of being expected to deal with her when she flies off the rail.
why the fuck can't my parents help me?
or rather, help her?
I spend so much time absorbing peoples problems
that I don't deal with mine.
and I feel like its piling up.

I know people have it worse than me.
I know it has potential to get alot worse,
but I am just tired of fighting battles that never end.

I will never be good enough in my own eyes.
I am my toughest critic,
and its weighing on me.


time for a good cry.


xoxox