you got to fight;

04/16/2011

for your right.

in a bit of a difficult place this evening,
so I thought i'd come and let it out,
its been a long time.

I'm sitting here, scrolling through photos
of the lives other people live,
of the lives I never had a chance to live,
or maybe I did, and never took it.
when am I going to ever be content with me?
all of my life I have felt ostrasized (sp?)
for one reason or another,
I'm too introverted to feel important.
when can I crack out of this shell?
because I honestly think the longer I'm in it,
the thicker its getting, and the harder it is to bust out.
when will I win the battle in my head,
constantly telling me people don't want to hear what I have to say.
because, some of them probably do.
some of them are probably wondering why I don't say more.
I just feel alone.
which, in times like these I should be surrounding myself with the people I know love me.
but instead, I left and came home to throw a pity party.
I feel so whiny, I'm just frustrated.
with my lack of confidence in myself.
I'm never going to have the lives I stare at on the computer screens,
because that's not me.
so why do I even bother?
when do we reach the point where we are excited to be ourselves?
I thought I was there, I really did.
maybe its satan trying to knock me down again.
maybe its a test to my faith.

whatever it may be,
I hope its only for tonight.



xoxox