feeling like i want the fat off at any cost

05/22/2014

Weight:139.4 pounds
I probably had 1800 calories. I'm feeling extreme anxiety about getting this weight off. This has been going on for at least six months, me wanting to lose weight, failing and hating the way I look. I feel like I can't stand to see my body and every morning trying to get dressed is torture because I look fat in everything. I've worked myself up to such a frenzy, it makes me want to die to think I might not succeed. I know some people don't understand. It is usually girls who weight a little more than me. But just because I weigh somewhat less doesn't mean I don't understand how it feels to feel fat, being afraid of gaining control and hating how my appearence. We are going through similar things. I once weighed 200, I know it can seem like an eye rolling moment when someone who isn't dealing with the same exact numbers as you are because they have less to lose cries about their body and hating it. Please have understanding. You can have these feelings of body hatred at any size. Lets just encourage each other to get where we want to be on a healthy way. Anyway, I'm such a pig. All I see anymore is someone who looks like they should be thinner. Food is becoming my enemy. My goal is to walk as much as I can and not eat above 1500 and at lowest is 1200.