Blessings
"The three foundations of learning: Seeing much, suffering much, and studying much." -- Catherall
The things you’re grateful to have
- My niece and nephew
- My parents
- access to a car
- my kittens
- the fact that they didn't destroy the house while I was gone this time
- medication
- My disability paperwork finally
- Money
- A new month, even if it's February
- popcorn and pop
- the luxury of sleeping in today
- getting to talk to Ari even if just for a little bit
- Books to amuse myself with when the computer doesn't want to work
- Getting to wish Shiny a happy birthday
- Conversations with Kai
- Good conversations with Sabastian
The things you’re grateful NOT to have
- A desktop computer
- Insomnia
- Conversations with Maren when I'm too touchy to deal well with it
- Romantic relationship obligations
Boasts
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." -- Anne Frank
- I was sociable
- I talked to Sabastian about my illness, within the confines allowed by his mother
- I am doing my lists instead of mindlessly stumbling as an attempt to sleep
- I did a recap of January in honour of the new month
- I know how I'm getting to work tomorrow
- I cleaned up my bedroom at Mom and Dad's before I left
- I loved on my kids
- I took piccies of them playing hockey, and was a good amusing announcer
- I haven't destroyed anyone/thing today, even with lots of opiates and lots of problems
- I am attempting to fix the problems instead of just bitching and throwing up my hands
- I did my evening routine
- I am trying to take care of myself
- I'm eating
- I'm doing a lot of thinking recently
- I sang when I was angry
- I'm not isolating myself
- My calendar's ready for February
- I'm taking all my meds
Thoughts
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
1. The things you didn’t accomplish today
I didn't get enough sleep. I didn't do dishes. I didn't eat enough. There are specific people that I feel safe enough to take my temper out on when I lose it, and that's not good. I didn't have the conversations I needed to with Maren. I didn't get to talk to Ari very long. I haven't emailed my ward member yet.
2. Think about one of your fears
I am afraid to talk to Kai.
3. Think of a way to face that fear
Tomorrow is his birthday... I could call. I should mostly, I guess, nail down exactly why. I can't fix a problem I don't understand, and while I've been mostly okay with just not to this point... it's really not a perfect situation. I don't like having decisions made for me from fear.
4. One new thing you’d like to do
This is funny, and incredibly random... but surf. I'd really like to try surfing one day.
5. What you don’t like about yourself
I am right tired of making so many of my decisions based on fear.
6. How you can change what you don’t like about yourself
Stop lying to myself to begin with. I have really elaborate excuses for why I should do whatever decision it is I've allowed fear to back me into. It's not that they're not valid, but they aren't why I'm doing it. If it's something easy to do, make the extra effort to do it anyway. If it's something that locks me up... well, learn how to fix that. I don't know how yet. Maybe the DBT book will teach me...
7. Your greatest qualities
Is it weird that this is one of the questions that bores me the most?
I'm adorable. I'm funny. I am good with kids. I love unconditionally, and I don't relationship unconditionally. I really am more organized than I seem.  I am willing to be corrected, and eager to correct myself. I'm actually a pretty good writer. I am very persistant. I am moral.
8. What the future holds
Surgery. Conversations with the kids about the surgery. Hopefully getting better. My licence. My passport. Trips back to the US. Being debt-free, emotionally and financially. Moments of health. Winterlude. The end of the bus strike. An end to public assistance. Mid-terms. March break. SCA events. Projects. Successes. Failures. Moments of suicidal doubt. Moments of euphoria.
Sleep.
9. Your life goals
I aim to be debt-free. I aim to have a family, and a Family, that is as emotionally healthy as any group of people can expect to be. I aim to be physically stable. I aim to be self-sufficient while not reaching the point of redundant inefficiency. I aim to be respected and respectable. I aim to have a computer that works for a change!!
10. You only have one life
Can you see the sheep? |
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